another glamorous day in the life

Let me paint a picture for you of my afternoon. After work and a full afternoon of appointments, it's 5pm. That's the witching hour around here. Everyone is tired/hungry/psychotic. None of us are at our best. The house is a disaster because I've been gone all day. Esme didn't have a nap for the same reason. Dinner needs to be made. I'm laying on my bedroom floor after throwing up. I'm not sick, I'm stupid. turns out coffee all day + no food= upset stomach. My body was all "uh no thank you. We're not doing this". My compassionate six year old is yelling at me to stop throwing up and MAKE DINNER. My three year old is having a midlife crisis because I turned on the wrong calliou and also Barbie is wearing a purple hat on the kindle game when OBVIOUSLY SHE SHOULD BE WEARING A PINK ONE!!!  It's Norman Rockwell over here. I have to survive one hour until my husband comes home. I briefly consider cookies for dinner, but nix that idea because I will pay dearly in over excited kids. I manage to throw something remotely healthy together (and by healthy, I mean there was a vegetable on the plate). It's Monday. I need a vacation. I don't have a witty, feel good ending. The end.

twas the night before school starts...

Hey, did you hear that school starts tomorrow? I love the beginning of the school year, not only because my house can stay clean for seven minutes instead of three, but also the excitement! New shoes and new haircuts and ROUTINE! Our house can go back to a finely oiled machine instead of the frat house it becomes over the summer. Now with five kids starting back, I start preparing early. No procrastinating! By this past weekend I had bought 132 glue sticks and enough tissues for a hospital and at least ten one direction themed items. I was pretty proud of myself for being so on top of things! Until Monday...when I realized Esme has to wear uniforms at preschool. Complicated by the fact that nobody makes uniforms in 2T because when on earth does such a tiny person need a uniform? No worries...we'll just throw something together and I'll shop this weekend. Then I realize that somehow I forgot to get left handed scissors for Aliyah. I'll just run by Wal-Mart on my way to work today! Can I just say that they should warn people that going to the school supply section in Wal-Mart the day before school starts is like wandering into a den of angry wolves? Or maybe a crack house? Or possibly a den of angry crackheads? But I got the scissors. It's gonna be smooth sailing from here on out. I went to work and got home around 6:30. Now keep in mind, theMr is still at work also. That means the house looks like it should be condemned and the kids are VERY excited about tomorrow...which translates into running around screaming and punching each other. It's now 7pm and all I have left to do is bathe five kids/find the storage bin of uniforms/iron the uniforms because apparently I packed them away unfolded and they now look like homeless people's clothes/pack lunches/paint tiny nails/and get them settled down and to sleep before midnight. Easy peasy! But after all the chaos, I'm kissing little cheeks and saying bedtime prayers and reminded why I do all of this when Esme says to me, in her sweet little voice,
"I hope I learn where stinkers come from at preschool tomorrow!" 

happy first day of school from our family to yours :)

a word of advice

I'm just gonna rant for a minute...is that ok? I try to write honest, insightful posts that will encourage my readers. But sometimes I just want to use the internet as a vehicle to complain, you know what I'm saying G?

Alrighty so I read a blog today which asked what internet phrases you would like to ban. You know...like "just saying"..."I died"...etc. I don't really mind those too much but there is one that makes me CAPS LOCK CRAZY. When one refers to their family member as DH, DD and so on. If you are fortunate enough to not frequent sites where mothers interact, you may not be aware what they mean. Let me break it down:
DH- darling husband
DD- darling daughter
DS- darling son

Um, no. My husband can be many wonderful things but darling is not one of them. And the teenager? Not so much. don't get me started on the conglomeration of dirt and marker stains that represent my sons. I love all of these people, truly, but not a one of them is darling. Not even the three year old, who fyi has decided that she will no longer be wearing pants. At all. As in she's trying to play outside with a naked booty. Not darling.

I'd like to offer some alternatives to anyone who'd be interested in quitting. So you can still share stories about your beloved. here are a few suggestions:

IBHH: infuriating but hot husband
HWGMG: he who gave me gray
Or if you'd prefer something shorter, just go with TM: that man. We'll know who you mean. Now for your children, I'd suggest
 SWIH: she who is hormonal or
THT: tiny hoarding toddler or even
POMW: people of my womb

for sons-
PP: pig pen or
JOF: jumps off furniture or even
HWGMG, JR: he who gave me gray Jr.

This has been a public service announcement from theMrs. Please meditate on these thoughts and act accordingly. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Carry on.

"Am I darling? Or maybe just a little bit crazy..."

10 Pieces of advice you shouldn't follow

i'm going to give you advice on advice. no, the irony doesn't escape me. i am not an expert on anything, i'm not a therapist or a doctor. i don't have a counseling license, half the time i don't even know what i'm doing. but all of these are things i've learned the hard way. i took the field trip. trust me.

10. Never go to sleep angry.  wrong. sometimes you just need to go to sleep. most of us are at our emotional worst by the end of the day. we're tired, impatient and done. trying to iron out marital spats while in that place is a disaster waiting to happen. there are few things that don't seem quite so bad after a good night's sleep. so give each other a kiss (forced) and decide to sleep on it. it probably won't seem like nearly as big of a deal in the morning!

9. You can't spoil a baby. Uh, sure you can. Obviously infants need their needs met to form healthy attachment. No one is debating that. But your baby does not need to be held all of the time. Or while they sleep. Because even though that seems precious now, in a year it will not. When your child screams outside the door every time you shower. When you can never have a date night because you're the only one who can put your little darling to bed. Or worse, when you haven't had sex in a year because that sweetheart will only sleep between you and your husband. No baby has ever died from being allowed to cry while his mother showered. Trust me.

8. Don't cry over spilled milk.  Listen, if that milk is spilled in your minivan, which now smells like curdled death every time you get in it? Go ahead and cry. It won't make your van smell better but it may make you feel better. Besides, it's good for kids to learn that sometimes mommy cries too.

7. Marriage is 50/50. No. Marriage is more like 150/150, if it's going to last. I'm not a mathematician, but i'm pretty sure that adds up. There will be days when your spouse gives far less than you feel like they should. Give even more those days. When the tables turn and YOU are the depleted one, they will hopefully give it back.  The premise is simple: if both parties of a marriage are focusing their energy on making the other happy, odds are you will both be happy.

6.  It takes a village to raise a child. Not so much. In fact, we really just need the village to stop telling us how to raise our children on facebook.

5. Boys will be boys! Yes, they will. Until their mother teaches them how to act likek civil human beings and doesn't excuse their behavior by their gender. I have boys that are ALL boy. I can let them be that without letting them act like savages because they have a penis.

4. It's the thought that counts. If the thought was "My wife would LOVE an ab roller for Valentine's day!" you are wrong and it does not count.

3. God will never give you more than you can handle! Uh, yes He will. If you could handle it all on your own, what would you need God for? He will not, however, give you anything that the two of you cant handle together :)

2. Enjoy every moment! If you enjoy googling how to get urine out of furnace ducts, I can't help you.

1. Fake it till you make it! I think this one is the most damaging to mothers.  You know what? If you are not "making it", you don't have to pretend you are. It's ok to tell people you are struggling and you need help. It is good for you. Sometimes we all just need to permission to be a hot mess.  If you fake it, how will your  friends know to bring iced lattes and take a kid for an hour? Be real. It's the only way to survive this thing called motherhood with a shred of sanity. Your friends will appreciate it, your kids will learn that it's OK to ask for help and you will model for them that weaknesses are not dirty secrets to be hidden away. You will teach them to be who they are, flaws and all. And isn't that what we really want for them?

Mompetition, Part 2

if you've been here a while, you may remember this post. it was one of my most widely read. it was all about the competition that is motherhood. nobody talks about it but it's there. in the past few weeks i have seen it rampant on facebook. from judgement about where to send your kid to school to the great breastfeeding debate, it's everywhere. and now we have pinterest and facebook and etsy to really bring home all of the things other moms are doing that we aren't. have you ever searched "kid's birthday party" on pinterest? holy. cow... don't do it. if i've learned anything in 13 years of parenting, it's stop comparing yourself to other mothers. stay out of the race, you can't win.

and yet... i still battle it. i find myself justifying my parenting choices to those who disagree. or getting irate at a facebook debate with people i don't even know! i realized a few weeks ago how far i need to go while attending a parent's meeting for one of my children. my kids attend a phenomenal private christian school. we love it there and we work our tails off to afford tuition. that being said, we are probably not your typical "private school parents".  So i'm sitting in this meeting, looking around, noticing how different i am than most of the other mothers. i don't own a sweater set. i have visible tattoos. i've never once sent an adorable themed snack to school for one of my kids' birthdays. heck, most of my kids' teacher may not even know what i look like. but the thing that stood out to me the most was that i was the only mom sitting alone. most of the other mothers know each other because they all volunteer often.  i'm at work. i don't have time to be at the school in the middle of the day. i have five kids and a job and a business and a million other responsibilities. i sat there feeling judgement that probably didn't even exist. if i really think about it, i bet none of them had a thought about me at all. but it bothered me. i began that familiar condemnation of mom guilt...reminding myself of all the things i don't do.

i've never thrown a big party for any of my kid's birthdays. in fact, i've never even sent anything to school for them. 

i've never made a costume, a set of curtains or even hemmed a skirt. i bribe my dear friend Nicole to hem my kid's uniforms!

i've never decorated for a holiday other than Christmas.

i've never taken my kids to disney world.

my  kids don't play sports and i could not be happier about it.

the list could go on on and on of all the things i don't do that make me not good enough as a mother. if i allow it, my insecurity could convince me that i am failing in all areas of motherhood.

but if i pull myself out of that destructive pit for just a moment, i can think about the things i am doing for my kids. when they are grown, will they be mad that i never threw an elaborate party for them? or will they be glad that i taught them to love every kind of music from punk to gospel to blue grass to hip hop.
will they feel that they missed out on having a mom that does crafts and activities? or will they realize the value of a mom who taught them to dance in the garage, to laugh when life sucks and that it's ok to say "sucks" when no other word will work.
will my daughters wish i had taught them to clean more, cook better, sew costumes? or will they realize that i may have missed those things... i did teach them to think for themselves, to dream big, to be what ever they want to be.

at the core of judgement is our own hearts. what others think is only significant if deep inside we agree.  so if you are a crafty mom...craft on! if you are a dancing mom, turn up the music! whatever your style, be who you are and don't let anyone tell you it's not good enough. especially yourself.

homeschool, public school, private school, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, attachment parenting, staying at home, working outside of the home, car seats, booster seats, potty seats... whatever your choose...
 OWN IT.

 and don't let anyone convince you otherwise!

grace wins

today was a long day. like a tired-stressed-anxious-iwanttodrownmystressinchocolate kinda day. theMr is in full construction mode and working 60-70 hours a week, not getting home until nearly 10 most nights. we are at the beginning of what may be a huge battle over our foreclosure. i spent the afternoon, after work, writing and mailing letters to politicians and media. my brain has been churning all day... grumpy mom plus five kids is not a super combo. by bedtime, i am done. i'm tucking esme in, i lean down to kiss her and she whispers "you is beautiful, mama". oh sweetpea...when she looked at me in that moment, she saw the mom who tucks her in and kisses her every night. the mom who buys her dora yogurt even though it's overpriced and full of sugar. the mom who "carries her like a baby" when she asks. what she didn't see is the frazzled mom who yelled at her today for not putting on her shoes. or the mom who was sick all afternoon from a week of bad eating. or the mom who hid in her bedroom watching tv while her kids played in the next room. she didn't see the mom who loses her temper too often and cusses under breath and doesn't separate the lights from the darks and is a crazy person without her antidepressant. because when she looks at me, she sees love. and love doesn't see flaws. when you look at someone with love, you see all of the things you love about them. the most amazing thing about that interaction is that it's just a glimpse of Jesus. when He looks at us, He doesn't see our sin or our flaws or all of the ways we fall short. He sees his beloved child. He delights in us! how precious that a three year old can model that. i so often think i am the one doing all of the teaching in this relationship, i could not be more wrong.

10 headlines you may read about theMrs

im gonna be famous someday...for all the wrong reasons

10. woman found wandering around starbucks parking lot mumbling after 132 car troubles. Husband says he fixed it.

9. Local mom discovered after being reported missing three days ago.  She was trapped under large pile of laundry.

8. Parents of five reported to authorities by their own children for child labor violations.  Authorities say the charges are substantiated.

7, Nanny needed: Must cook, clean and facilitate the recording of all episodes of big bang theory.

6, Man awarded a purple heart medal for his heroic efforts dealing with his wife's mood swings after hysterectomy.

5. Scientists discover new life form in children's bathroom. Children claim they just cleaned it on chore day.

4. Springfield woman taken away in handcuffs after being told by pediatrician that children who are teething do not run fevers,,,again.

3.  Local couple busted in prostitution sting at hourly hotel...investigation uncovers they were just looking for a cheap place to nap.

2. America's most beautiful child contest a five way tie, first time in history!

1. Local blogger thought to be dead. Early reports say she is fine, just too lazy to type on iPad.

keepin it real

well, when i posted that i was taking off the mask, i didn't realize how quickly that opportunity would come! so in the interest of being real and vulnerable and whatnot, i'm going to share with you the news we received tonight...

we have to move in two weeks.  two weeks.  and we don't know where we're going. 

                                  (i'll let that last sentence soak in for a moment.)

so here's the deal, we have been in a bitter battle with our mortgage company for over two years over illegal practices. we have known for a bit  that we may have to lose the house before it is settled. we did not know that such companies can set an auction date, not inform you of it, and take your house. we certainly did not know that we would have two weeks to find a place and move with five children in tow.

i'll be honest with you in saying that when i got this news, approximately 7:30p tonight, i flipped out. i went into full on panic mode. the wheels in my brain  were spinning so fast smoke was coming out of my ears. at this point, my husband said  "i think we should pray. right now." so we did. then he put the kids to bed and i headed up for my nightly hot bath to have a few words with the Lord. i won't share those words here (this is a family blog!) but have no worries, he's God, He can handle it.  when i was done with my ranting and threatening and begging, He decided to speak. (he's such a gentlemen, never interrupting. letting me get all my crazy out :)  and He reminded me of what i've come out of in the last few months. what i have walked through, how dark my pit was, how desperate and undone i was at many points of it. and then He said to me "If I can get you through that, do you really think I can't provide a house?"

huh. i guess i was thinking that. i wish my limited brain could convey to you the feeling of peace that washed over me. He's got this. He's had it all along. i just have to keep trusting Him.

so as of right now, i cannot tell you where my little people will laying their little heads in two weeks. i have no idea. but someone bigger than me does, and He's got it.

if i have learned anything in the last years of my life it is this: a house is only important in that it is where your family is together. otherwise it's just bricks and mortar. wherever we end up, we will all be there together. that alone is a miracle. the address on the mailbox is just a little perk.

the power of words: a top ten list

10. words i never thought i'd say: "we don't call each other uteruses"

9. words every wife loves to hear: "you were right"

8. words every mother loves to hear: "i'm tired. i want to go to bed."

7. words every husband dreads: "we need to talk"

6. words every child dreads: "tuna noodle casserole for dinner!"

5. words i'm tired of saying: "because i'm your mother, that's why"

4. words i need to hear more of: "let me help you with that mom!"

3. words i need to hear less of: "that's not fair!"

2. words that i hope to never say again: "i'm late"

1. words you can never say too much: "i love you"

the bean turns 13

 today Ariana turns 13. i'm sitting in a hotel room with her and her best friend. we're on a weekend trip to celebrate her entrance into womanhood. and have lots of fun ;) while i'm sitting here, sounds of giggling coming from the next room, i'm a little overwhelmed at thinking she is 13. i had her when i was in college and i had no stinking clue what i was doing. young women in college are not supposed to have babies. they are not equipped for it.  her conception was (obviously) a huge surprise. the shock was soon followed by joy, i knew i had always wanted babies. i was just getting an early start. i was a full time college student and a full time worker through my entire pregnancy. i had her in a birthing center that actually acted like a birthing center. i was allowed to lay in the grass outside while i labored and have all of my friends there. i was supported for my choice to go natural and encouraged when it got really bad and i thought i wanted to quit. but after 28 hours of labor, that blessed midwife finally said "PUSH!"  by that point i would have done any crazy thing she asked if it meant the pain would stop. i did push. after a bit of that, they laid a beautiful, screaming baby on my chest and told me she was a girl. the second big surprise she gave me. while i stared at her red, wailing self, i had no idea my whole world had just changed. really, irrevocably, changed. i looked at her perfect face and said "hi" and she immediately stopped crying. as soon as she heard my voice she remembered that we know each other. we just sat and stared at one another, while chaos ensued around us from all of the people in the room.  (we've learned with subsequent births that having everybody in the room isn't always the most relaxing ;)
     because it was the middle of the night, soon they were all gone and it was just me and her. Eli was passed out on the couch. the lights were dim and she was wide awake. i can remember just staring at her tiny body.

 i had never in my life felt so overwhelmed with love.

 i had never felt this new foreign devotion. that i would literally slay a dragon for her.  

that i would annihilate the person that  caused her tears.

 that i was her mama. 

if someone had told me the kind of young woman she would be at 13, i'm not sure i would've believed it. her father and i were so very flawed in those early parenting things. i could spend weeks telling you everything we did wrong with that one and still not have enough time. when i think about that i realize that she turned into this incredible thing because it's just who she is. it's not her parenting. it's HER.  she just really is an amazing being.

she is compassionate to a fault.  she loves deeply and wholly. she is a lover of souls and she never fails to show it. 









 She is so very smart.  smart and wise beyond her years. i would say she's an old soul, if i believed in such things.

she is a kind and loyal friend. one that any young girl would be blessed to have.

she's fun. lots and lots of fun. 

she has a beautiful smile that she gives freely.

she is meant for amazing things.  just amazing things.

i am honored to be her mother. i am more proud of her every day. she changed my life by simply being born.  she changes my life each and ever day by being who she is. there is nothing i wouldn't do for her. she's my bean.

an overdue top ten

is anyone still here?  i think this is the longest period i've ever gone without posting since i started this blog! life is busy, you know how it is. i think of a post, i start it in my head, it never gets any further than that. good thing i'm not getting paid for this...i'd be broke!

i thought i'd try to catch up on our summer for those who are not my facebook friends.

top ten most noteworthy events of summer 2012~

10. theMrs is officially done potty training...kinda. except when she decides to hide and poop in her pants. other than that we're golden!

9. we are obsessed with the olympics! the other night the bean and i stayed up until midnight cheering on the girls gymnastics team and watching them receive their medals! there have been lots of somersaults and head stands around here!

8. i don't want to ever talk about chik fil a  again. i'm saddened by both sides. if you want to know my view, read here.

7. we got fleas...again. which is doubly irritating since we don't have any pets. $250 later they are hopefully gone!

6. Za turned 10, the Princess turned 8 and theMr and i celebrated our 12th anniversary with a trip alone!

5. the bean is turning 13 in a week! we are celebrating her entry into womanhood with a girls only weekend away for her and her BFF! 

4. safe families has gained some steam and i'm just trying to keep up with the momentum! i'm developing a team of people who believe in this vision and im excited to see it coming to fruition. while i struggle to manage working while home with five kids, it's coming along. i'm hoping things will be a bit easier once school starts. 

3. theMr has been working like a maniac. his business has really taken off this year. he's super busy but works hard at juggling his time with that and at home. you can "like" his business facebook page to see pics of what he's been doing all summer!

2. we may be moving! i can't go in to a lot of detail at this point, but this is pretty huge for us. we bought this house 10 years ago and have more than outgrown it. i'll keep ya posted :)

1. we are preparing for another year of school to begin! pencils to buy, uniforms to try on, silence to look forward to! it is a LOT of work for four kids to start school... but oh so worth it! we are blessed to have the opportunity to send our kids back to Emmanuel Christian Academy again. it is an amazing school and we are thankful to be a part of it.

that's all we have going on... what about you?!

summertime!

i read a lot of happy blogs. i don't like mopey depressing ones. the problem with (some) blogs is that they are so overly happy. summer is prime time for delightful, perfect pictures of all the wonderful activities they are doing...

playing cards when the weather is yucky...

summer haircuts...

swimming...

more swimming....

even more swimming....

going to the fair...

and running on the slip n slide!

do you know what those blogs don't tell you? it's only half way through summer and these kids are driving me crazy! like put on a straitjacket, medicate me CRAZY. the fighting and the messes and the wet grass tracked through the kitchen and the arguments over which movie to watch and the staying up late and being grumpy and the fighting!! i am counting down the moments until that beloved yellow bus makes it appearance. i hope i make it!

more facebook... i can't resist!

when i wrote my original post about facebook, i thought it was comprehensive. little did i know that the lovely form of social media would just keep giving me more and more material! i've been trying to fight writing this post for a few weeks now, in an attempt to not offend my last few readers! but i just can't keep my mouth shut any longer! i must let it out!! so in no particular order....

~ is there something in the fb rules and regulations that states this as the perfect venue to offer condescending, unsolicited advice?  here are some things i've seen recently:  a picture of an adorable toddler standing up in their crib for the first time set off a storm of comments about lowering the crib mattress. the mother of this toddler has three children. i think she knows to lower the mattress. take a deep breath! similarly, someone posted a pic of an adorable baby sleeping in a carseat, strapped in appropriately. but wait! one darling "friend" inspected the style of the carseat and determined that it must be an older model and therefore is NOT safe for that child. seriously? you should put those super detective skills to work somewhere else. like maybe where people actually care to hear your opinions.

~vaguebooking.... we've discussed in our last post. but it cannot be repeated enough. this is NOT a status "pray, bad things, can't share more."  followed by three days of nothing. is this person dead? did someone steal their wifi? are they in the witness protection program? if you can't share then ...... DON'T SHARE.
whew, i'm getting really really shouty CAPS over here and we're only on the second one. i better take a few deep breaths.

~ok, i'm under control now. i will not be under control if i'm forced to continually see my mom's friends posting uber cleavage-y pics of themselves taken in the bathroom, with their lips stuck out like they are a cast member on the Real Housewives of the OC.  let's just legislate some guidelines here: if you are over 21, do not take pics in the bathroom. if you are over 30, do not put your girls on fb.  if you are a teenager, just remember that the internet is forever and someday you may want a career. just sayin!

~bashing your place of work, especially when it is a non profit ministry.  it's ok for you to be unhappy there. it's ok for you to vent to your friends about your unhappiness. it is NOT ok for you to bash that institution repeatedly online. it is super offensive to the many parents of students there. it is also not a very good representation of your character. put your big girl pants on and take your issues to the people that can address them. that's called maturity.

~while we're on the topic of bashing, the above rule also applies to spouses, in laws, and your children. don't say terrible things about your family. just don't. keep it to yourself.

~and since we mentioned husbands, let me also clarify that details of your sex life are totally unnecessary. like really. i do NOT need to know that you both had sex when you woke up this morning. nobody needed to know that .  but thanks for sharing.

~and lastly, the business facebooker. look, i'm glad you're making some extra money. i truly am. however, i feel i should disclose a few things. if your statuses are always about your product and how wonderful it is, i will "hide" you. please stop inviting me to every party you have. or worse, asking me to host one. if i wake up tomorrow and want make-up or purses or jewelry or cooking supplies or a vacation package- I'll call you!

have we finally covered all of the bases yet??? somehow i bet not....

mother's day, social media and other random things

good morning! did you all have a wonderful mother's day? i'm not sure about everyone else, but my only requirement on mother's day is NO cooking and NO cleaning. now that means i have a mess to deal with on monday, but it's totally worth it. the best part? i woke up sunday morning and my husband had already gotten himself ready and most of the kids for church. i only had to get myself ready. best mother's day gift ever.  i was already in a relaxed state of mind after spending part of thursday and friday out of town with my mom. she had to go to a training for work a few hours away. i went along to be her bellhop and spend time alone in a hotel. delightful!

i've been thinking a lot lately about boundaries concerning social media and blogging. i'm always wondering where the line is between what to share and what not to share. and we all know there are many on the internet that have no such qualms. i read a blogger recently who described in detail her five year old's sexual assault. she did so under the guise of wanting to raise awareness but the whole thing made me want to vomit. her daughter's only voice in the world is her mother and she violated that trust. i try to be careful and aware of what i post about my kids. i often wonder if they will grow up and resent it? or will it be normal because they grew up in an age of social media? i don't know. i don't think any of us do. there are struggles that my kids have that i never speak of here. there are experiences that may benefit another but are not my story to tell. it's a hard line and i'm sure i miss it at times. i commented to a friend the other day that hopefully our kids wouldn't all end up in therapy. she laughed and said "i don't have a single friend who hasn't been in therapy at one point or another so i suppose it's inevitable!" i hadn't thought of that before! LOL when it's all said and done, i hope they will grow up and read this blog and see that we laughed and we loved each other and i was blessed to be their mother. and they'll skip past the posts about romance.

10 things mom REALLY wants for mother's day...

mother's day is complicated. how do properly honor a woman who pushed your entire body out of hers? there's always the old standby; flowers, candy, etc.  but what does Mom really want? i'll clue you in!

10. a day of everyone picking up their own laundry. never underestimate the value of 24 hours of not touching anyone else's underwear.

9. to sleep in. disclaimer: this does not mean lying in bed while kids bang on the door crying for you. i know, shocking.

8. someone else to cook dinner and clean up from it. better yet, take out.

7. never underrate how much we still love those homemade cards from our kids. we're still mothers :)

6. a leisurely bath in a clean bathtub.

5. you can never go wrong with chocolate. unless your wife is losing weight, like i am.  then don't bring home chocolate... because she will eat it.

4. gifts are good. not a gym membership, stinky perfume or tickets to your favorite sporting event. diamonds are a girl's best friend.

3. speaking of gifts, every mother loves things that represent their children. a friend of mine recently made me this necklace. there is an egg in the nest for each of my children. it is my favorite thing ever.

2. interview your kids about mom, either on video or written down. the results will be hilarious and she will treasure it!

1.  appreciation and encouragement. motherhood is a hard job and we're not supposed to drink in the mornings. take a minute to tell your wife (and your own mother!) what she means to you. she needs to hear it. trust me.

10 rules i try to live by

10. never go to bed out of coffee... or mad at your husband. both will ensure a crappy start to the next day.

9. a credit card is not a necessity.. not even for "emergencies". after seven years of being credit card free, i can attest that it is FREEDOM.

8. if you can't manage to think before you speak, learn to be a really good apologist. i'm an expert at saying i'm sorry. i get a lot of practice.

7. people that constantly gossip to you about other people, are talking about you when you aren't there. avoid them.

6. life is too short to clean the windows on a regular basis.

5. everyday look for ways to help someone else. it's good for the soul.

4. five minutes of peace and quiet are not worth trying to get sharpie off the walls. choose wisely.

3. kids who have a mom who yells, become yellers. i'm working on it.

2. the secret to a happy marriage is patience, self sacrifice and separate comforters.

1. offer grace where it is not earned. you never know when you'll need some yourself.

what rules do you live by??

a private message to mothers of young children...

over the weekend, i witnessed something i know all too well while grocery shopping. a toddler, maybe a year old, having a full blown tantrum in a walmart cart. his harried mother was trying everything in her repertoire to calm him, to no avail. he was not having it. i looked around at the responses the other shoppers. some, like myself, were looking on with sympathy. but others were downright scowling. if looks could kill that kid would've been an orphan. i wanted so badly to put my arm around this stranger and promise her it will get easier.



as someone who has been in this position more times than i can count, i felt her pain. it is frustrating, embarrassing and maddening. add to it glares and judgmental head shaking from strangers and you have a full fledged episode. i can't help but wonder.. have those head shakers ever shopped with young children? if so, surely they can remember how stressful it is? do they just not know any better?



i'll never forget trying to leave my grandmother's funeral visitation. theMr was at work. i was 8 months pregnant with esme. it was 8:30p and well past time to go. i was carrying the 2 yr old sideways like a football while he had a screaming meltdown. i was literally dragging the 4 yr old by the collar while threatening the older two under my breath. all the while hoping i didn't give birth in the parking lot. i got to the door of the funeral home and the two employees standing there just stood and stared as i pushed the door open with my (ample) hip and dragged everyone outside. no one offered to get the door. no one offered to help me. not those employees nor any of my friends or family inside. i got everyone strapped in their many carseats. i wasn't sure if i wanted to cry or cuss. in those moments you feel invisible, even though everyone is watching.



as someone who is just about past the stage of public tantrum throwing, i just need to offer a little encouragement. to all of the mamas still in the trenches... the ones who fear they will never be able to make a trip to the grocery or the doctors office or the park without someone losing their two year old marbles... it gets easier. i promise. a day will come when all of your children will be able to make through an entire well visit without screaming or trying to bite the nurse. when they can all walk without holding anyone's hand. when you can use a regular shopping cart instead of the cadillac sized one that holds four kids. and when that day comes, and you see a mom with a screaming child in her car and a baby on her hip: pat her on the back and tell her "this too shall pass". and look all those scoffers in the eye and tell them to beat it.

10 things Moms do that make everyone think we're crazy!

sometimes when you've been a mom for awhile, you forget what life looked like before kids. what? there was life before kids? weird. anyway, most moms hang out with other moms. so we sorta forget how non-sleep deprived folks act... or regular social graces... or all of the above.

10. talk about our kids nonstop on facebook. can we help it they are so cute and funny? you hide our newsfeed and i'll hide yours about football.

9. talk about our births. loudly and graphically. i had lunch with two of my favorite cousins saturday and we inevitably started discussing birth. i couldn't help wondering if the two guys at the table right next to us were having trouble keeping their food down! oops!

8. change diapers at the dinner table. (i'm talking to YOU nicole!)

7. tell people what it'll be like when they have kids. they'll figure it out, just like we did. they don't want to hear it!

6. let our kids act like hellions in restaurants. while we have the right to take our little people out to eat, others have the right to eat without dealing with them. teach your kids how to behave in public or take them home.

5. blame our own behavior on sleep deprivation, pregnancy hormones, etc. even though it's true that those do effect us! blame our kids behavior on sleep deprivation, teething, allergies or a phase :)

4. not take our crying baby out of church.

3. disregard any advice from anyone who doesn't have children. some of the best advice i've gotten is from a friend who doesn't have children but works with them!

2. drive crazy. hey, you try driving, swatting an unruly kid and putting in a new dvd at the same time!

1. thinking that having children has made us all knowing experts on everything. when in reality, we realize more with every child that we have no idea what we're doing!

lazy sunday

after last weekend's excitement, i'm relieved to enjoy a quiet, drama free afternoon! even Esme vomiting in the car on the way to church could ruin it. although that was a bit unpleasant. she seems to be fine since, so i'm crossing my fingers. as it turns out, she ate desitin this morning while i was sleeping. who does that? this week she has certainly found her wings... her two year old wings. she painted herself with nail polish, covered her hair in deodorant, covered her body in desitin and written on herself in marker. all during her nap. it seems no matter how many times i search the girls' room for contraband, she finds something. i'm not sure what her obsession is with covering herself with things. but it's getting old. definitely one of the downfalls of having three girls in one room. she has had six baths in the last five days. her bedding has been washed three times. yet, her brothers were so crazy at that age that her antics really aren't a big deal. she's funny and entertaining so we overlook the fact that smells like deodorant. i keep reminding myself that she's the last time i'll have a two year old in the house. that makes me want to let her get away with murder, which is not good! hope your sunday is relaxing and you know where all of your kids are!

10 things i didn't anticipate about motherhood

before we have children, we know all about it. what our little darlings will wear, how they will behave, how utterly lovely and together we will be all the time. then we get preggers. hello reality check! suddenly a whole lotta things are out the window and we're holding on for dear life! here are just a few of the things nobody warned me about...

10. never being able to walk barefoot in my own house again. for fear of stepping on matchbox cars, legos, nutrigrain bars or pee. those are actually the best case scenarios.

9. becoming best friends with the tv. see, my kids weren't gonna watch tv. did i never anticipate needing to shower or mop a floor? what exactly did i think my children were going to be doing all that time? helping??

8. commercials about birth making me cry.

7. seeing walmart as a break. i never could've imagined that a place with rednecks and koolaid drinking babies would become my reprieve. sigh.

6. that other people's kids would become so annoying. i liked other people's kids. before i had any.

5. that i know very little about math, science, history or geography. but no worries, i just make up answers when my kids ask. it's all good. i'm not homeschooling.

4. that i would forever be committed to only having very quiet sex in a dark room with a locked door, only after ensuring that five children are sleeping and the tv is loud enough just in case.

3. that somewhere after baby #3 my short term memory would abandon me.

2. what were we talking about?

1. that little people could be simultaneously engaging, annoying, adorable, exhausting, hilarious, frustrating, fulfilling, energy sucking, and life changing. that every day i would become a little more aware that despite all my experience, i have no idea what i'm doing here. so i'll just keep my shoes on and carry on!