concerning the children...

Hey friends!  I've had a few people lately asking why I haven't talked about my kids here in a long time. I'd like to address that. Basically, my kids are older now. They have their own stories to tell that are not mine to share. I feel that I need to respect their privacy. For many years, this blog filled a void for me as I was home raising (lots!) Of young children. But as its evolved, I've come to realize more and more my childrens need for privacy. So I've pretty much moved to only sharing my own experiences. It's all I really have the right to share. I'm not saying I'll never talk about the kids again, but it won't be my focus. I've also had comments about my lack of posts. It is what it is. I write when I feel strongly there is something I need to say. My days of blogging my every day are long gone. While I still have moments that I feel compelled to share a piece of my journey, they are fewer and farther between. I share a lot about my personal life on Facebook, which is all people I know in real life. I just don't feel the need to share those details in a public forum. So that's about it. Thanks for asking!

a word of advice

I'm just gonna rant for a minute...is that ok? I try to write honest, insightful posts that will encourage my readers. But sometimes I just want to use the internet as a vehicle to complain, you know what I'm saying G?

Alrighty so I read a blog today which asked what internet phrases you would like to ban. You know...like "just saying"..."I died"...etc. I don't really mind those too much but there is one that makes me CAPS LOCK CRAZY. When one refers to their family member as DH, DD and so on. If you are fortunate enough to not frequent sites where mothers interact, you may not be aware what they mean. Let me break it down:
DH- darling husband
DD- darling daughter
DS- darling son

Um, no. My husband can be many wonderful things but darling is not one of them. And the teenager? Not so much. don't get me started on the conglomeration of dirt and marker stains that represent my sons. I love all of these people, truly, but not a one of them is darling. Not even the three year old, who fyi has decided that she will no longer be wearing pants. At all. As in she's trying to play outside with a naked booty. Not darling.

I'd like to offer some alternatives to anyone who'd be interested in quitting. So you can still share stories about your beloved. here are a few suggestions:

IBHH: infuriating but hot husband
HWGMG: he who gave me gray
Or if you'd prefer something shorter, just go with TM: that man. We'll know who you mean. Now for your children, I'd suggest
 SWIH: she who is hormonal or
THT: tiny hoarding toddler or even
POMW: people of my womb

for sons-
PP: pig pen or
JOF: jumps off furniture or even
HWGMG, JR: he who gave me gray Jr.

This has been a public service announcement from theMrs. Please meditate on these thoughts and act accordingly. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Carry on.

"Am I darling? Or maybe just a little bit crazy..."

life of leisure

i've been daydreaming all summer about what bliss it was going to be when school started and it was just me and esme at home. how we were going to color pictures and shop and live a life of leisure together. did you hear that?? it's reality knocking. spending all day with a two year old is like spending with an unmedicated, psychotic hoarder.  that talks a lot.
 she's happy,
she's sad.
 she hates the blue cup.
 she only wants to watch "the shortcake show".
 she wants to narrarate it even though i'm sitting right next to her.
we can't leave the house without her plaid purse, saltines, her matchbox cars, a comb and her plastic transformer that she named "daddy".
 we've discussed her mood swings before. this girl is loco. sometimes i pretend i have to use the bathroom just for a few minutes of peace. the first week i planned all of these fun playdates so she wouldn't miss the kids too much. except now she thinks we are supposed to do something fun and exciting every day.  so when i tell her we're staying home to do laundry and organize my nail polishes, it's full on meltdown. until she sees the nail polish. then she's happy. until i tell her she can't paint her own nails. back to meltdown. until calliou comes on. overjoyed! but wait...she needs a chocolate snack while she watches... we don't eat chocolate at 9:30 a.m. (well, children don't. adults do. but only in the pantry where children can't see.) it's like a toddler emotional roller coaster that NEVER ENDS. you see what i'm saying??

the power of words: a top ten list

10. words i never thought i'd say: "we don't call each other uteruses"

9. words every wife loves to hear: "you were right"

8. words every mother loves to hear: "i'm tired. i want to go to bed."

7. words every husband dreads: "we need to talk"

6. words every child dreads: "tuna noodle casserole for dinner!"

5. words i'm tired of saying: "because i'm your mother, that's why"

4. words i need to hear more of: "let me help you with that mom!"

3. words i need to hear less of: "that's not fair!"

2. words that i hope to never say again: "i'm late"

1. words you can never say too much: "i love you"

our visitor

the kids came and woke me up this morning to tell me there was a rat in the house. we get mice every spring, so naturally i ignored them and went back to sleep! when i got up, i sat in my favorite spot in the sitting room with my first cup of coffee and my laptop. while i'm basking in the few moments of quiet (the kids were upstairs starting their chores) i have a little surprise... something running across the floor in front of me. at first, i thought it was a giant rat. then i realized it was a small possum. so i'm standing on the couch screaming, Aliyah is standing on the coffee table screaming, Esme is chasing it saying "come here, kitty!"  i opened the front door and after a few minutes Isaiah was able to chase it out! i think it was more anxious to get out of this crazy place with screaming females and a toddler hell bent on putting it in a baby carriage!  after all of our adrenalin subsided, i realized i was actually relieved that it was a possum as opposed to a rat. i mean, when have you ever heard of someone having one rat? i have no idea how it got in and i sincerely hope it never manages to do again. i never thought anything would be a more effective wake up tool than my keurig. guess i was wrong!

more facebook... i can't resist!

when i wrote my original post about facebook, i thought it was comprehensive. little did i know that the lovely form of social media would just keep giving me more and more material! i've been trying to fight writing this post for a few weeks now, in an attempt to not offend my last few readers! but i just can't keep my mouth shut any longer! i must let it out!! so in no particular order....

~ is there something in the fb rules and regulations that states this as the perfect venue to offer condescending, unsolicited advice?  here are some things i've seen recently:  a picture of an adorable toddler standing up in their crib for the first time set off a storm of comments about lowering the crib mattress. the mother of this toddler has three children. i think she knows to lower the mattress. take a deep breath! similarly, someone posted a pic of an adorable baby sleeping in a carseat, strapped in appropriately. but wait! one darling "friend" inspected the style of the carseat and determined that it must be an older model and therefore is NOT safe for that child. seriously? you should put those super detective skills to work somewhere else. like maybe where people actually care to hear your opinions.

~vaguebooking.... we've discussed in our last post. but it cannot be repeated enough. this is NOT a status "pray, bad things, can't share more."  followed by three days of nothing. is this person dead? did someone steal their wifi? are they in the witness protection program? if you can't share then ...... DON'T SHARE.
whew, i'm getting really really shouty CAPS over here and we're only on the second one. i better take a few deep breaths.

~ok, i'm under control now. i will not be under control if i'm forced to continually see my mom's friends posting uber cleavage-y pics of themselves taken in the bathroom, with their lips stuck out like they are a cast member on the Real Housewives of the OC.  let's just legislate some guidelines here: if you are over 21, do not take pics in the bathroom. if you are over 30, do not put your girls on fb.  if you are a teenager, just remember that the internet is forever and someday you may want a career. just sayin!

~bashing your place of work, especially when it is a non profit ministry.  it's ok for you to be unhappy there. it's ok for you to vent to your friends about your unhappiness. it is NOT ok for you to bash that institution repeatedly online. it is super offensive to the many parents of students there. it is also not a very good representation of your character. put your big girl pants on and take your issues to the people that can address them. that's called maturity.

~while we're on the topic of bashing, the above rule also applies to spouses, in laws, and your children. don't say terrible things about your family. just don't. keep it to yourself.

~and since we mentioned husbands, let me also clarify that details of your sex life are totally unnecessary. like really. i do NOT need to know that you both had sex when you woke up this morning. nobody needed to know that .  but thanks for sharing.

~and lastly, the business facebooker. look, i'm glad you're making some extra money. i truly am. however, i feel i should disclose a few things. if your statuses are always about your product and how wonderful it is, i will "hide" you. please stop inviting me to every party you have. or worse, asking me to host one. if i wake up tomorrow and want make-up or purses or jewelry or cooking supplies or a vacation package- I'll call you!

have we finally covered all of the bases yet??? somehow i bet not....

mother's day, social media and other random things

good morning! did you all have a wonderful mother's day? i'm not sure about everyone else, but my only requirement on mother's day is NO cooking and NO cleaning. now that means i have a mess to deal with on monday, but it's totally worth it. the best part? i woke up sunday morning and my husband had already gotten himself ready and most of the kids for church. i only had to get myself ready. best mother's day gift ever.  i was already in a relaxed state of mind after spending part of thursday and friday out of town with my mom. she had to go to a training for work a few hours away. i went along to be her bellhop and spend time alone in a hotel. delightful!

i've been thinking a lot lately about boundaries concerning social media and blogging. i'm always wondering where the line is between what to share and what not to share. and we all know there are many on the internet that have no such qualms. i read a blogger recently who described in detail her five year old's sexual assault. she did so under the guise of wanting to raise awareness but the whole thing made me want to vomit. her daughter's only voice in the world is her mother and she violated that trust. i try to be careful and aware of what i post about my kids. i often wonder if they will grow up and resent it? or will it be normal because they grew up in an age of social media? i don't know. i don't think any of us do. there are struggles that my kids have that i never speak of here. there are experiences that may benefit another but are not my story to tell. it's a hard line and i'm sure i miss it at times. i commented to a friend the other day that hopefully our kids wouldn't all end up in therapy. she laughed and said "i don't have a single friend who hasn't been in therapy at one point or another so i suppose it's inevitable!" i hadn't thought of that before! LOL when it's all said and done, i hope they will grow up and read this blog and see that we laughed and we loved each other and i was blessed to be their mother. and they'll skip past the posts about romance.

a post fueled by PMS...

i am in a mood this week. i'm gonna blame it on hormones. i can do that because i have a uterus. deal with it. in no particular order...

do not give me unsolicited advice when i need to talk to you about a stressful situation i am dealing with. it will only make me want to turn on you.

do not try to sell me something on facebook, invite me to sales parties or try to get me to start selling stuff. i don't want to hear how much money you claim i can make, nor how your particular product is "recession proof". i don't believe that i'm suddenly going be rich and traveling nor do i care if the company is christian. i'm not interested. take it elsewhere.

if you and your significant other need to share your issues by changing your status from "in a relationship" to single and back again six times a month, you will not get sympathy.

my kids broke my new dustbuster today and smushed strawberries on my newly mopped kitchen floor. yes, they are all still alive.

do not pull out right and front of my and then go under the speed limit.

a mouse ran across my living room yesterday and i didn't even care.

my brother in law tore his ACL yesterday and has to have surgery. that really sucks. i don't honestly know what an ACL is but it sounds painful :(

tomorrow i'm heading to cincinnati for 24 hours with my mom to accompany her on a business trip. only 22 hours to go.... but who's counting?

what's cookin?

i know it's been awhile... things have been super hectic around here. spring is when business starts picking up for theMr and i become a single parent.  many times a week i think of things to talk about here and never find the time to do it! (this is why i could never be a professional blogger!) but i just had to share with you a story.

you know the saying "when it rains, it pours"? well that sentiment could not be more true in this household. two weeks ago our dishwasher died. this may not seem like a big deal but in a house of seven people it is catastrophic. i'm not gonna lie, i was in a panic.  theMr spent several days trying to fix it, to no avail. we ended up having to replace it. i tried really hard to have the attitude of thankfulness that we had a few dollars in savings that would cover it, as opposed to be bummed that we'd have to spend our savings.  within two days of that my phone stopped functioning. my six week old, very expensive phone.  thankfully, it was insured and replaced quickly and for free. then last week, our oven died. seriously. it almost started a fire while i had a house full of kids. it's only four years old.  once again, theMr spent days trying to fix it with no luck. we are on week two of no oven.  we knew it would be a minimum of two to three weeks before we could get together enough for a new stove.  again, with a family our size this is a major hassle. i don't generally cook boxed or microwave foods for the kids. i'm a homemade meals kinda girl. so this has been stressing me out. by sunday morning, i was over it. just in time to leave for church. as we were getting in the car, i set theMr's Ipad on the passenger seat. when he opened the door, it fell out and shattered. it is four weeks old. for real. WHAT IS HAPPENING OVER HERE??!  thankfully, it also is insured and was replaced immediately. and he was very calm and kind about the fact that his wife just broke his most treasured possession. his response? "it's just stuff."  i love that guy.

now i'm not telling you all of these woes for a pity party. i'm not battling cancer or homelessness. these problems are drops in the bucket in the grand scheme of things. but i have a point. by sunday evening, i was really having a battle in my mind. i've shared before that we don't believe in the use of credit cards or financing in general.  these recent situations are where the rubber meets the road. it would be so much more convenient to just charge a new stove and pay it off over the next few months. this is what was going through my head that evening.

why can't we just finance this one thing?

everybody else does it?

what's the big deal? we have to have a stove!

in the midst of this mental storm, a still small voice reminded me of something:  the Lord is my provider. not Visa. not Lowes. not even theMr.   the God of all creation is more than able to take care of my tiny needs.  He created the heavens and the Earth. surely He can handle a measly appliance!  i went to bed telling him i trust Him while confessing my lack of trust.

i got up monday morning and took my kids to school. i returned home and sat down to check my email and drink some coffee before heading out to price stoves and determine how much we'd need to come up with.  i opened an email from one of our pastors. it read that someone had dropped off an anonymous check for us at the church.  a large anonymous check. way more than a stove would cost. i sat there in shock. it will not only pay for a stove, but some tools theMr desperately needs for his business.  for the first time in my entire adult life, i will be able to pick out a nice appliance as opposed to the cheapest one they have. holy moly. 

friends, this story is not about the money. this story is about a God who is big enough to create the oceans and the stars yet is loving enough to provide a stove to a family who needs it.  He didn't do it because i'm a "good christian" or i earned it in any way. trust me when i tell you that i am a sinner to rival all sinners. i am selfish and rude and judgmental and prideful and moody. i'm a terrible person. i have done nothing to deserve the love of the King of the universe. therein lies the point of this post.  nothing i could ever do would earn His love and He loves me anyway.  He has the same love for you.  He sees into my wicked heart and loves me. He doesn't see all of my inadequacies and sin. He sees me.  and i'm His.  He desires to meet all of your needs just the same as He meets mine.

thank you Jesus!

10 rules i try to live by

10. never go to bed out of coffee... or mad at your husband. both will ensure a crappy start to the next day.

9. a credit card is not a necessity.. not even for "emergencies". after seven years of being credit card free, i can attest that it is FREEDOM.

8. if you can't manage to think before you speak, learn to be a really good apologist. i'm an expert at saying i'm sorry. i get a lot of practice.

7. people that constantly gossip to you about other people, are talking about you when you aren't there. avoid them.

6. life is too short to clean the windows on a regular basis.

5. everyday look for ways to help someone else. it's good for the soul.

4. five minutes of peace and quiet are not worth trying to get sharpie off the walls. choose wisely.

3. kids who have a mom who yells, become yellers. i'm working on it.

2. the secret to a happy marriage is patience, self sacrifice and separate comforters.

1. offer grace where it is not earned. you never know when you'll need some yourself.

what rules do you live by??

birth control?

unless you live in a deep hole in the earth, you know that a contraceptive war has been raging. politicians on every side of the fence are weighing in birth control and it's place in america. i wouldn't be a conscientious blogger if i didn't address this important issue. i've put a great deal of thought into what i would say so please read carefully as i'd prefer not to repeat myself..........

no uterus = no opinion.

thanks for visiting.

lazy sunday

after last weekend's excitement, i'm relieved to enjoy a quiet, drama free afternoon! even Esme vomiting in the car on the way to church could ruin it. although that was a bit unpleasant. she seems to be fine since, so i'm crossing my fingers. as it turns out, she ate desitin this morning while i was sleeping. who does that? this week she has certainly found her wings... her two year old wings. she painted herself with nail polish, covered her hair in deodorant, covered her body in desitin and written on herself in marker. all during her nap. it seems no matter how many times i search the girls' room for contraband, she finds something. i'm not sure what her obsession is with covering herself with things. but it's getting old. definitely one of the downfalls of having three girls in one room. she has had six baths in the last five days. her bedding has been washed three times. yet, her brothers were so crazy at that age that her antics really aren't a big deal. she's funny and entertaining so we overlook the fact that smells like deodorant. i keep reminding myself that she's the last time i'll have a two year old in the house. that makes me want to let her get away with murder, which is not good! hope your sunday is relaxing and you know where all of your kids are!

10 things you don't know about me...

10. i hate breakfast for dinner. in fact, i hate breakfast altogether. ironically, it's theMr's favorite food.

9. i battle chronic insomnia. hence the late night blog writing. i've tried everything, to no avail.

8. i'm allergic to soap. insert joke here.

7. when i'm reading, i have to see how many more pages are in the current chapter. i have no idea why.

6. i make seasonal mix cd's and mail them to my BFF's across the country. it took me a long time to mourn the end of the mixtape. i'm over it now.

5. i grew up singing in church and school and now i never sing publicly. but i do all the time at home.

4. theMr and i went to the same daycare, at the same time. we also went to the same middle school and high school but didn't start dating till well after. the first time we officially met we were 16 and i have no memory of it.

3. i have a serious addiction. one word. webmd.

2. i have two favorite music groups that far outweigh any of the others i like and i've never seen either one in concert. that's a tragedy!

1. i was an only child until i was 10. now i have four brothers and three half sisters. just to name a few :)

what don't i know about you?

go shawty, it's your birthday

my birthday is wednesday. i need a new dustbuster if you are looking for shopping ideas. don't all rush out at once. several people have asked me what i'm doing that day. brace yourselves: i'm working and taking care of my kids. i'll cook dinner and do laundry and supervise homework and wipe stinky bottoms. if it's a really great day i'll have someone wipe their nose on my shirt. a girl can dream can't she?
remember when we were kids and your birthday was a really big deal? at what age does it become just another day? can we still have slumber parties? i think you should at least not have to cook. that's pretty much my request for every holiday. save the cards. bring my kids some nuggets. but not those fakey meat ones going around facebook. those are creepy. something made of real meat and not organs. this post has gone far from it's intended point...
honestly as long as i get cake and the new fray cd it'll be all good. even with snot on my shirt.

valentine's top ten

happy valentine's day! it's been awhile, eh? let's jump right in...






10. these are the darling valentine mailboxes i made for the kids. i was quickly reminded why i don't do crafts. the glue gun didn't work. they kept falling off their stands. theMr had to adhere them with some high test construction caulk or something. we make a great team.

9. we generally don't celebrate V day as a couple because my birthday is the following week. plus, last time we did i found out i was pregnant. i can't handle any more of those kinds of surprises.

8. theMr asked me not to get him candy this year because he's losing weight. (jerk. he obviously doesn't love me) so i got him a dvd. then he proceeded to eat some of mine.

7. he also got me a pair of super fuzzy socks and a car scraper. what can i say? he knows me well!

6. i planned to make mini cupcakes to take into all the kids' classrooms. i put all of the ingredients in my cart at the store, including mini cupcake baking pans. then i added in my mind that i would need to make and ice almost a 100 cupcakes. so i put it all back and bought cookies. sometimes i just have to remind myself that i'm not that kind of mom.



5. the little guy gave me this last night for Valentine's day.^ he said it's hair. since i cut most of mine off yesterday. uh, thanks?

4. speaking of the little guy, i'd like to make a request of any of you having children in the near future. when choosing a name and how to spell it, please keep in mind that some day a kindergartener will be trying to copy that name on valentines. do you hear me MacKarleighisha's Mom?

3. off topic but i'm sorry i haven't been posting. i've been busy and happy. i'll try to be more depressed and check in more often. just kidding.... mostly.

2. i'm getting a new tattoo on friday for my birthday. yay me!

1. i'm totally out of valentine's day related points. as evidenced by the previous two. so i'll call it a day.

hug the ones you love today!

why i must live forever...

theMr works odd hours. his full time job hours are noon to nine pm. then he has his business which often requires him to be gone mornings and weekends. this means that during the school week, he really doesn't see the big kids. so for the last few years, he has gotten them up in the mornings and off to school so he can see them a bit each day. this year, we've begun alternating days of getting up with the kids. in that span, i've realized that there are just certain things that dads are not quite so conscientious about. things such as making sure children wear underwear to school or shoes that match one another. theMr is a fantastic father. but he's a man. and men don't notice things like hair being brushed. men also don't notice if teeth have been brushed this millennium or why it's not ok for kids to go to school with a mohawk out of pig tails. men are really good at building slides and making pancakes shaped like mickey mouse and knowing the latest in superhero movies. (you know, other than bringing home the bacon...) so the moral of this story is that i have to live forever. otherwise my children will go to school looking like hobos and will live on mcdonald's and ramen noodles. and we can't have that.

i'm theMrs and i approved this message!

it's that time again... when our great country comes together to elect a president. while i generally try to avoid politics on this blog, i just can't keep my thoughts to myself this time! that is why i'm running for president. now i won't waste time telling you my qualifications, i think those are apparent. no need to state the obvious! i will, however, share with you my platform. i think you'll find yourself inspired and your patriotic side renewed!

1. i will make it illegal for restaurants to run advertising in cities where they do not have locations! it is cruel and unusual punishment for a tempting baskins robbins or starbucks commercial to run in a town with no way to fulfill those longings. it's criminal. plain and simple.

2. as someone who is in touch with her constituents, i know gas prices are causing struggles for many. do you know what makes it even harder? dragging kids into the gas station to pay! so i'm suggesting a 10 cent off per gallon discount for husbands getting gas for their wives! win/win!

3. i'm really torn on the issue of the death penalty but obviously something severe must be instated with the worst criminals. i propose we make them cashiers at walmart. they obviously are having trouble finding them since there are never more than two open any given saturday. that way we can all get out of there in less than two hours and walmart can still make more money than warren buffet while selling items not even worth their weight in plastic.

4. being that this country is in major debt, it's an issue that must be addressed by any presidential candidate. so i have a ground breaking proposal.. wait for it...

we will no long spend money we don't have. if we don't have it, it will have to be cut from somewhere.

5. it will be a mandatory regulation that tim horton's put the sleeve on hot cups of coffee. no more having to ask every time. as if one time you might want to burn your hand.

6. read my lips: NO NEW CSI'S!

7. theMr would make an excellent first husband. this is not legislation, just fact.

8. no dental procedure would be allowed while the patient is awake. all patients will be put to sleep properly and sent home with good drugs.

9. my cabinet will be composed of my best friend, bethanny frankel, anderson cooper, and dr. drew.

10. the national anthem will be changed to ice, ice baby.

these are just a few of the exciting new changes i have planned! please consider contributing to my campaign in the form of hazelnut lattes and mexican food. it's time for change!

uh....

i had a tooth pulled yesterday. since i'm a total wimp when dealing with denistry, i complained about it for a good 24 hrs on facebook beforehand. luckily, others share my phobia so i didn't alienate all of my friends. i have a lot so what's one or two here or there? just kidding ;) anyway, today i feel like someone punched me in the side of my head. although i've never been punched in the side of my head so i could be mistaken. which is a fabulous feeling to have when you have a whole bunch of toddlers and babies in your house. surprisingly i don't have any bruising or swelling so my ravishing good looks haven't been compromised. phew.

it's raining and 50 degrees here. in ohio. in january. what the what? i have to send ole al gore a thank you card for this global warming. i love it. someone let me know why i should be upset about this?

i haven't taken any pain meds today because i need to be lucid for the little people. this is me sober. you're afraid now, aren't you?

saturday evening rambling...

just the presence of this post is a testament to what a smashing social calendar i have... blogging on a saturday night! theMr is working all weekend so it's just me and all of these kids! sometimes i look around and wonder what on earth i was thinking having all of these children. did i never want to live in peace again? then one of them does something sweet like draw a picture of me skinny and my heart is warmed.

have you ever noticed that you can tell a lot about people by what pictures they post on facebook? let me break it down for ya.

lots of cleavage? daddy issues.

no pics of their wife or kids? secretly keeping their options open.

only pics of their kids? gained a lot of weight since high school.

all pics of themselves all the time? i think that's pretty self explanatory!

these are the types of deep observations i come up with in my infinite facebook wisdom. i'm sure you're honored that i shared them with you. how many of you are looking at my facebook pics now to see if i fit into any of these categories?

moving on... i think there should be some kind of law that no mother should ever be potty training at the same time she has a child hitting puberty. it's only fair. you should not have to deal with cleaning up urine while busy ruining someone's life. or so i've heard over the slamming doors. sometimes i just want to look at that teenager and say "don't you know how cool i am? i broke my nose in a mosh pit, dear. (she wouldn't know what a mosh pit is though) i pierced my nose with a safety pin when i was barely older than you! (that one would probably come back to bite me!) i got the whole fifth grade at my elementary school to boycott school lunch in protest of the use of styrofoam trays!" she doesn't care. i don't wear skinny jeans and i have way less tattoos than her dad. i'll never be cool enough. although when i think back to the moms who tried to be cool when i was her age, those ladies were embarrassing themselves. so i suppose it's better to be old and not cool to teenagers than be that mom with a really short skirt on and her eyebrow pierced. know what i mean?

as much as i'm sure you are enthralled by this intellectual repartee, i should probably bathe these kids. sigh...

facebook landscaping, a top ten list

did you know that facebook will let you hide people from your news feed? of all of the things technology has come up with THIS is my favorite. i don't want to remove them from my friends (i'm not heartless) i just don't want to read their statuses~ here are a few that are guaranteed to get the boot!

1. facebook eeyore... you know who i mean. they're always sick. something terrible has happened to them everyday. they post sad, depressed posts every. single. day... we all have rough patches. but if every day is one, see a therapist. if only there was a way to "hide" them in real life...

2. the vague- booker... they post things like "i'm so devastated. i can't believe this is happening." and then not log in for three days. all of their friends are worried and asking if they are ok with no response.

3. the "i will post something controversial and end with i don't want to discuss it". i often post things that i know will get a lively debate going. i like a good debate. if you don't want one, keep your posts neutral!

4. the ever-changing relationship status... they're married, they're single, it's complicated, they're in a relationship, all in the same day!

5. the gamer. every status is about how they need a cow for their farm or something. no thanks.

6. the "texter". example? "so excited 2 B goin 2 movie w/ my frds! C U l8R" ... you have a full keyboard. use it.

7. the "i have no boundaries" poster... they may be telling you about their recent marital dispute, their kid's vomit or posting a pic of their afterbirth. their life is an open book and they can't wait to tell you about it!

8. the youtuber. no statuses, only youtube videos. all day, every day.

9. the "i forget facebook is public" poster. "i'm bout to smoke a joint!" "i drove home so trashed last night!" it should be "i never hope to get a job!"

10. anything i have to repost. let me just clear it up once and for all. i support breast cancer, autism, depression, and any other disease research. i love Jesus, America, freedom, soldiers and everyone else. except for people who post statuses that i've mentioned here.