Guest post from the Bean

Hi, it’s me again, The Bean! (I really hate that nickname) Mother asked me to do another post, so here I am.  My last guest post was on mom so it’s naturally time to do one on pops.

  Here is a list of five things you don’t know about him:

1.     ~ He is in love with cartoons, they are mostly superhero and is you try to delete one on the DVR he will freak

2.       ~Mom has told how he has a good fashion sense, he does but that’s a mild version.  He has hooks on the wall for his hats (there are like seventy, you can’t see the wall) he has a million shoes, and is the biggest fashion diva/shopper out of all of us

3.      ~ He is in love with his body, I have caught him multiple times flexing in front of the mirror or telling me to feel his muscles. Yeah.

4.      ~ He is very smart.  He has an idea on how to make, solve, and/or fix something in way that no one else would have. (he gets it from my grandpa who is just as brilliant)

5.      ~ He believes he’s still seventeen. 

 

Dad is very different from all my friends dads.  He is diverse too.

This is a list of a few things that make him out of the ordinary (besides the ones listed above):

1.       He is known by my class by his hats.

2.       When I brought him on an overnight field trip last year he made friends, with the boys in my class.

3.       He visibly does not age or gain weight. ( me and mom are always teasing him though about fat that’s non-existent)

4.       He likes the same music as me.

Now, here is a list of things that make him like other dads:

1.       He can be very embarrassing

2.       He teases me constantly (I guess that’s more like a big brother than a dad)

3.       He can be intimidating

That is some stuff about my dear old father.  I hope to do another post after this one on the other kids! (or demon spawn as I sometimes refer to them as) Bye!

Guest Post on dating!

i'm so excited to share this guest post. over the past few years, as we've (tried) to prepare for having teenagers, we've given a lot of prayer and thought to how we would handle dating. theMr and i made some really bad choices as single people, including a child out of wedlock and the repercussions that go with it. we made a decision a few years ago to not allow our children to date until they graduate high school. in the time since, we've asked many parents of teens how they handle this issue. one of those i have practically grilled on the issue is my friend Jen. the reason? she has fantastic teenagers. three of them. they are smart and funny and polite and delightful. i find myself gravitating towards people with teens like that and trying to soak in what they are doing. everyone has "advice" on parenting but the proof is in the pudding. find people with great kids and watch them!  in the midst of these discussions, the dating issue came up. as it turns out, they have the same views about dating as we do. i asked Jen to do a guest post because she has a lot more experience in this than i do! i'm just getting started in the world of raising teens. i'm so glad i did, she expressed it perfectly. enjoy!
     

I am the mom of 3 teens. They are smart (straight A’s). They are talented (the 3 of them practically have their own band).  They are funny and kind. They’re really good-looking. And none of them has ever been on a date.

            The dating thing? It’s by choice. From the time our kids were little, we wanted to figure out a way to avoid the whole teenage dating scenario. Our own dating experiences caused us to take a good look at what the purpose of dating really is. But how could we raise kids who were ok with not dating? Was it possible to help them avoid the whole dating scene and still be normal? I’m happy to tell you that not only is it possible, but I believe that waiting to date has actually freed my kids up to enjoy their teenage years and helped them be mentally, spiritually and physically healthy.

            I have no problem with families whose teenagers are dating, because every family has to decide what works for them. But in case you’re wondering how & why any teenager would choose to be dateless, here’s some of the philosophy & strategies that worked for us. Just a word of warning, though: if you’re the kind of person who likes to be conventional, you should probably just skip the rest of this post!

            The foundational idea for our dating philosophy is that we believe the purpose of dating is to find a spouse. Whoa, you might say! That’s way too intense for teenagers to have to worry about. What about just letting them have fun, explore relationships with the opposite sex, etc? Well, here’s the bottom line: biology dictates that as soon as kids hit puberty, their hormones demand that they begin reproducing as soon as possible. You can’t fight it. It’s the way we were designed. So when you have a couple of teens alone  for hours, “exploring” their relationship with each other, you have the human equivalent of a spark and a match. It’s just a matter of time before something will ignite. This is not a bad thing. Like I said, it’s the way we were designed.

            So if the hormones of puberty are what kick-starts our path toward the opposite sex, then what lies at the end of that path? That’s easy: marriage. The whole point of becoming interested in someone else is so that we will ultimately find a life partner.

Here’s a radical idea: no one is ready to find a life partner at 12! or 15! or even 17, for that matter! 

            I can almost hear the skepticism. “What about just letting kids have fun? What about letting them go out in groups so they can get to know each other? I dated my husband/wife all through high school and we turned out fine! You’re taking this way too seriously!”

            Let me give you a visual. What would happen if you glued 2 pieces of paper together and then changed your mind and tried to pull them apart? The papers would rip. At best you would have one piece of paper that was really thin in spots where a layer of it was still stuck to the other piece. This is what happens when kids give their hearts away by having romantic feelings and experiences with the opposite sex. Every time your child develops feelings for someone else, he/she leaves a little bit of his/her heart with that person.

            I don’t want my kids offering their future spouses a ripped-up heart.

            So what do you do then? How do you keep your kids from dating?.

            Well, basically you don’t keep them from dating. What you do is begin to build a wise view of dating into them from the time they’re little, so that by the time they’re teenagers, they get it so thoroughly that they have no desire to date (ok, realistically they might HAVE the desire, but they don’t act on it because it’s so not part of who they are, and what your family values are).

            Some practical strategies:

            1. Always link dating to marriage. When our kids were little, whenever we saw a teenage couple on TV or in a movie, we made a joke about it. “Look at those two! Do you think they’re old enough to get married?”... followed by a huge laugh, as if this was the funniest thing we’d ever heard. The kids quickly figured out that the purpose of dating was marriage.

            2. As your kids get older, point out examples that will hit them personally (and if it embarrasses your kid, all the better!). We have relatives in North Carolina, a state in which you can get married (with parental consent) at 14. When our kids hit 14, we of course teased them that they could get married in NC. They were so horrified that they didn’t think this was funny AT ALL! Point taken.

            3. Go on “dates” with your opposite-sex children. Moms, take your sons on dates. Dads, take your daughters on dates. Do not underestimate the power of these times together. For years our girls have gone on an annual father-daughter dance. It has become their prom. They dress up, do their hair, etc., for their dad. It’s the coolest thing ever. Doing these special things builds up your child’s sense of how to be treated by the opposite sex and affirms what is special about their gender. It insulates them against the huge affirmation that so many teens try to find in the opposite sex. Kids who are affirmed by their opposite sex parent won’t need nearly as much affirmation by their peers. If you are a single parent, find a relative or close friend who can help you out in this area.

            4. Don’t be afraid to limit technology. Kids have access to each other 24/7 in ways we didn’t. Remember that technology should function as a tool, not a noose. Ask yourself how cellphones, Facebook, Twitter, and the internet can be helpful to your family. If they’re not helpful - if you’re not comfortable letting your kids  talk/text/facebook with the opposite sex, great! Just say no. You are the parent. However, I believe it is important to explain your reasons to your kids, and even get their input so they feel heard and will know you’re limiting things because you care and not because you’re just trying to drop the hammer.

            4 ½. Some Facebook tips: if you’ve decided to let your kids be on Facebook, one simple way to monitor this is to tell them that whenever possible, whoever is their friend needs to be your friend too. This way you will see all the things their friends post. Sometimes it isn’t possible to “friend” all your kids’ friends, so make sure your child knows you have the right to log onto his/her account anytime you want. In our house this is nonnegotiable. Also, know your child’s password. For that matter, let your kid know your password too. Everyone in our family knows everyone else’s password and can log on to each other’s accounts if they want.

            5. Get some good resources to back you up. One popular book about this subject is I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. Find friends who share your philosophy. This will be really important when your kids are teens and need to know they’re not the only ones not dating. Having a few friends in the same boat will help them not feel weird.

             Ok, I have to throw this in: Don’t be afraid to be different. Being unconventional means you are thinking for yourself. Be proud of that without being obnoxious. You don’t have to go around defending your position, but you also don’t have to make converts, either. People will notice that your kids are happier, more well-adjusted, and allover nice people when you make decisions that promote their well-being even if those are not the popular choices.

            Parents, we have an awesome responsibility. We also have an amazing opportunity to shape our kids’ lives. Don’t be afraid of this, but take hold of it with joy, knowing that whenever you think through parenting decisions, you’re trying to do what’s best for your kids. In the end, that’s what counts.

    

a guest post from the bean!

Hey, this is the Bean! I've been wanting to do this for a while but haven't gotten the chance. You have heard my life from my mothers point of view, but here is mine..........

The first thing I want to do is show you the top four things I have learned from this blog.

1.My hair is so messy!!!!!!

2.My mother does not like to capitalize.

3.Someone in our house has a name my mom wants to change. (She won't tell
me who though even though I've been nagging.)

4.There is not nearly enough articles about me! (I will have to act up or get a
tattoo or something, jk!)

Here are a seven things you do not know about my mommy:

1.She used to act all the time, like since she was born.

2.When she mentioned her sweats she wasn't lying, she wears them all the
time and they are dead ugly!

3.She's funnier in writing.

4.She's the coolest/funniest person I know

5.She takes a half hour bath every night!

6.She is addicted to reality shows (the Bachelor was on and I was in her way,
so she pushed me!)

7.If you touch her feet she will hit you! Do not touch mom's feet, is a known
around the house!

My life is crazy and usually out of hand but I wouldn't change it for the world! I enjoy reading my mom's blog even though I'm living it! Hopefully I will write again because I enjoy it! (I would love it if you commented!)

<3 Ari

tell your story...

i'm looking for guest writers! i'm tired of my own voice. here's your chance to tell your story, whatever it may be! don't feel like you have to be a writer, you have a voice. talk about what ever is in your heart to talk about... just please no politics and no profanity :) leave me a comment, email me, facebook me... you know where i am!

Guest post by my BFF!

(this is a guest post written by one of my closest friends in the world! she is such an integral part of my life and one of my biggest cheerleaders. i am so thankful that the Lord brought her into my life years ago! and for the record, i tried to find the picture because it's hysterical but no luck!)

Let me start by introducing myself, I am the Miss, friend of the Mrs. There is photographic evidence that we have been friends since we were in Brownie troop #1586 together, though our friendship did not officially blossom until a few years ago. (author’s note: I would have included said picture, but it was before the Mrs. mom found out that you don’t brush curly hair and my own mother thought I was the head double for Rapunzel.) You could sum up our similarities by saying we love to laugh and we both love Jesus.

One of the joys of our differences means that once in a while I get to leave my cozy for one person and a dog place and head to the bustling nest of the Mrs.. She is always cooking something delicious and has even taught me to make a few things myself (I joke that It is her singles ministry). Someone is usually constructing something to climb up on or jump off of. If I stop by at night, the kids, one by one will sneak down the stairs (with a creative excuse) to say hi. They get in “trouble” but I secretly love their little welcomes. Each of her babies has come to mean a great deal to me. I am lucky enough to get to spend time with them and see the people they are becoming.

My first visit to the Mrs.’ home is still something we laugh about often. At the time, there were only three little people on the scene. The Mrs. was busy making dinner (because if you are single she does that) and I was chatting away with her in the kitchen. The princess was the only kid hanging around at the time. She sat across from me at the kitchen table, staring me down, with a grumpy/mean look that would have stopped even the toughest villain from messing with her mama. In truth, she didn’t feel too hot and wanted to be held and loved on. (I remember she was sick because it was the first time I had seen a grown up wrestle a child in the name of cough syrup). She was sad that the Mrs. was too busy cooking some stranger a calzone to hold her. I remember offering to let her sit with me. “You can sit on my lap” I added, “I promise we don’t have to talk”. Much to my surprise, she climbed on up. We didn’t say a word, just sat and cuddled while her mama cooked, and it’s safe to say that we have been buds ever since.

Za was going through a Kelly Clarkson phase at the time. He loved to sing Shrimpin’ and Gone, his version of Since You’ve Been Gone. He also performed a little number called Family Bills, That’s What You’ve Got to Pay (aka Beverly Hills). It occurs to me as I write this, that they must have rationed words in the Mrs. house at the time, because what the princess didn’t say Za more than made up for. The thing I admire most about Za is his uncanny ability to be excited about anything, literally, anything. I wish more people were so thrilled to face the day.

It’s safe to say that Za was known for his high energy level at the time. Regardless, I owe this kid any ounce of pride I have left. Remember, this was the first time I had been invited over (I live out of town). At some point in the evening, the Mrs. snuck out of the kitchen to attend to something else. No problem, I can handle small talk with a confused Kelly Clarkson wannabe. At the time, they also had a giant golden retriever, Goliath, who was probably the closest match to Za’s energy. While the humans in the house welcomed a new friend, the dog of the house had different ideas. As I ran around in a small circle in a relative stranger’s friend’s kitchen, being sexually assaulted aggressively welcomed by the family dog, Za stepped up and chased the dog, who was chasing me, and eventually pulled him off of me. No doubt saving my life reputation as a lady and assuring that I had at least an ounce of hope of being invited back. Za, being the perfect gentleman, never said a word of what happened. He is a good kid. Someone I would want on my team every time.

The Bean was her normal, polite, quiet (only at first) self that night. It wasn’t until later that she let me know that she was a giggling, kind, sharp witted little thing. A few weeks after this first visit, she invited me over for Easy Bake Oven cake. And, while I miss those teeny cakes, I am so glad to have a front row seat to see her grow into this amazing young lady!

A few weeks later, the Mrs. learned that the little guy was on his way. And while it has been a joy to have seen this family grow (and grow) I will always look back to my first visit, laugh, and know that it was the beginning of a friendship, not just with the Mrs. but with her family. I’ve been back since, for no good reason, to drop off some thumbprint cookies, or have a dance off (where someone lost a tooth), to do hair and makeup, to laugh and be loved on. So, Bean, Za, Princess, Little Guy, and Essie, thanks for letting me hang around and keep sneaking down those stairs when I visit after bedtime, I probably brought your mom some Schulers veggies, and that will keep her busy.