Friday, October 28, 2011
10. let's talk about pictures. here's a few that nobody wants to see: your placenta, your actual birth, your kid's poop, vomit...just to name a few. listen people, i'm a doula. i'm passionate about birth. but i still don't want to see yours on facebook.
9. status tagging. if we're at the park together, feel free to tag me. if you are doing shots and i happen to be at the same location, do not tag me. i don't drink and i'm friends with my pastor on facebook. i'm talking to you tricia ;)
8. don't tell me what happened on shows! i never watch them at the scheduled time. don't ruin it for me!
7. oh my freakin goodness the status updates that i have to repost to prove i love jesus/america/breast cancer/autism/being allergic to junebugs. Jesus knows i love him. i don't have to prove it to him on facebook. as far as those others, if it's an issue close to your heart, be my guest. but don't try to guilt me into it. only 1% of people will repost this....
6. the "you're going to jail/a haunted house/a mental hospital" statuses where you tag your first five friends or whatever. not funny. not even a little bit.
5. when commenting on MY status, could you try to refrain from massive profanity? k, thanks. (see #9)
4. if you want people to stay out of your business, keep it off facebook. i know, i know, we've gone over this. but it bears repeating. often.
3. don't be the eeyore of facebook. i'll just hide you from my wall. stop bringing everyone down.
2. don't post that you keep losing weight because you "forget to eat". i will cut you.
1. STOP SPAMMING EVERYONE! i'm happy for you that you got a free piece of cheesecake or you found out who's looking at your profile. keep it on your own page. thanks.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
10. a wise man answers his wife's text messages.
9. a Godly wife works hard to care for her husband and children. she ends her day with reality tv and chocolate, celebrating a job well done!
8. it is better to live with a nagging wife than to sleep in your truck.
7. thou shall not tweet about fights with your spouse.
6. make a joyful noise unto the Lord... just do so quietly when the baby is sleeping.
5. a wise husband thanks his wife for his clean laundry. a foolish husband does his own.
4. you reap what you sow... on facebook.
3. love your neighbor as yourself, even if they have a confederate flag as curtains.
2. on the seventh day, God rested. this does not mean he watched football all day while his wife took care of the kids.
1. treat others the way you would like to be treated. this includes the internet. just because other people can't see you doesn't mean God isn't watching!
**this post is purely for entertainment purposes. it is in no way meant to add/detract from the Bible, nor to offend. if you find it offensive, you should probably stop reading here. **
Thursday, October 13, 2011
i find people tend to do that often when encountering a large family.
everyone knows you can't judge a book by it's cover!
if only it wasn't a two bedroom, one bath!
she's mischievous. and sneaky. beware :)
they fight like cats and dogs. all day long.
no. it's just theMr.
(there is more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.)
little did they know they were about to do just that!
(a few times over)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
(this is a guest post written by one of my closest friends in the world! she is such an integral part of my life and one of my biggest cheerleaders. i am so thankful that the Lord brought her into my life years ago! and for the record, i tried to find the picture because it's hysterical but no luck!)
Let me start by introducing myself, I am the Miss, friend of the Mrs. There is photographic evidence that we have been friends since we were in Brownie troop #1586 together, though our friendship did not officially blossom until a few years ago. (author’s note: I would have included said picture, but it was before the Mrs. mom found out that you don’t brush curly hair and my own mother thought I was the head double for Rapunzel.) You could sum up our similarities by saying we love to laugh and we both love Jesus.
One of the joys of our differences means that once in a while I get to leave my cozy for one person and a dog place and head to the bustling nest of the Mrs.. She is always cooking something delicious and has even taught me to make a few things myself (I joke that It is her singles ministry). Someone is usually constructing something to climb up on or jump off of. If I stop by at night, the kids, one by one will sneak down the stairs (with a creative excuse) to say hi. They get in “trouble” but I secretly love their little welcomes. Each of her babies has come to mean a great deal to me. I am lucky enough to get to spend time with them and see the people they are becoming.
My first visit to the Mrs.’ home is still something we laugh about often. At the time, there were only three little people on the scene. The Mrs. was busy making dinner (because if you are single she does that) and I was chatting away with her in the kitchen. The princess was the only kid hanging around at the time. She sat across from me at the kitchen table, staring me down, with a grumpy/mean look that would have stopped even the toughest villain from messing with her mama. In truth, she didn’t feel too hot and wanted to be held and loved on. (I remember she was sick because it was the first time I had seen a grown up wrestle a child in the name of cough syrup). She was sad that the Mrs. was too busy cooking some stranger a calzone to hold her. I remember offering to let her sit with me. “You can sit on my lap” I added, “I promise we don’t have to talk”. Much to my surprise, she climbed on up. We didn’t say a word, just sat and cuddled while her mama cooked, and it’s safe to say that we have been buds ever since.
Za was going through a Kelly Clarkson phase at the time. He loved to sing Shrimpin’ and Gone, his version of Since You’ve Been Gone. He also performed a little number called Family Bills, That’s What You’ve Got to Pay (aka Beverly Hills). It occurs to me as I write this, that they must have rationed words in the Mrs. house at the time, because what the princess didn’t say Za more than made up for. The thing I admire most about Za is his uncanny ability to be excited about anything, literally, anything. I wish more people were so thrilled to face the day.
It’s safe to say that Za was known for his high energy level at the time. Regardless, I owe this kid any ounce of pride I have left. Remember, this was the first time I had been invited over (I live out of town). At some point in the evening, the Mrs. snuck out of the kitchen to attend to something else. No problem, I can handle small talk with a confused Kelly Clarkson wannabe. At the time, they also had a giant golden retriever, Goliath, who was probably the closest match to Za’s energy. While the humans in the house welcomed a new friend, the dog of the house had different ideas. As I ran around in a small circle in a
relative stranger’s friend’s kitchen, being sexually assaulted aggressively welcomed by the family dog, Za stepped up and chased the dog, who was chasing me, and eventually pulled him off of me. No doubt saving my life reputation as a lady and assuring that I had at least an ounce of hope of being invited back. Za, being the perfect gentleman, never said a word of what happened. He is a good kid. Someone I would want on my team every time.
The Bean was her normal, polite, quiet (only at first) self that night. It wasn’t until later that she let me know that she was a giggling, kind, sharp witted little thing. A few weeks after this first visit, she invited me over for Easy Bake Oven cake. And, while I miss those teeny cakes, I am so glad to have a front row seat to see her grow into this amazing young lady!
A few weeks later, the Mrs. learned that the little guy was on his way. And while it has been a joy to have seen this family grow (and grow) I will always look back to my first visit, laugh, and know that it was the beginning of a friendship, not just with the Mrs. but with her family. I’ve been back since, for no good reason, to drop off some thumbprint cookies, or have a dance off (where someone lost a tooth), to do hair and makeup, to laugh and be loved on. So, Bean, Za, Princess, Little Guy, and Essie, thanks for letting me hang around and keep sneaking down those stairs when I visit after bedtime, I probably brought your mom some
Schulers veggies, and that will keep her busy.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
~ i wish thousands of people would march in anger at the 13 million children a year that are victims of human trafficking.
~ i wish that Americans who are so indignant that their health care costs have risen would stop to think of the millions that die every year from preventable diseases due to lack of safe drinking water and simple vaccinations.
~ i would love to see a well planned uprise screaming out against the fact that there are more slaves today than ever in history.
~ i'm interested in hearing why last week few mentioned that while mr. jobs was definitely a genius, his very own company is responsible for such horrible working conditions that employees are asked to sign a non-suicide agreement before hiring.
~ while we're at it, did you know that in a recent interview johnny depp compared being photographed with being raped? do you know why celebrities can say such things? because we'll keep seeing their movies.
~ i'd like to point out that the poorest members of the US are still able to go to a soup kitchen and get a meal, go to an ER and have their lives saved and vote. they are also able to collect benefits for not having a job, send their kids to school without paying a dime and have a free lunch thrown in too. try complaining that you're "forgotten" like that to the people walking hundreds of miles across africa with their dying children in search of water. not health insurance, not better benefits, not higher stock market yields, WATER. for the record, i'm all for those programs.
most of all, i'd like americans to wake up. if you want to take a stand, take it for life. take it for child prostitutes. take it for slavery or famine or drought or sex trafficking. look in the mirror and realize how flippin blessed you are to be born in america. think about that next time you complain that you are having to increase your gasoline budget or pay off your college education (which you knew when you financed it) or spend more on groceries. thank the Lord that you have a gas budget and a grocery store and a college education. and reevaluate. that's all i have to say.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
so the next few days will be hectic for me as i prepare to leave. i'm thankful for a husband that does such a good job when i'm away! i try to have things as prepared as possible so he can enjoy his time with the kids and things will run smoothly. (as smoothly as anything runs in a family our size!) i will miss esme's actual birthdate, which i'm sad about. but she won't know so it'll be harder for me than her! i'm hoping i'll be so busy that day with the conference i won't have much time to think about it!
thanks for being my reader and for supporting me, vocally or silently! thanks for your prayers and for caring enough about my family to take time to read here :)
until next time!