it's that time again... when our great country comes together to elect a president. while i generally try to avoid politics on this blog, i just can't keep my thoughts to myself this time! that is why i'm running for president. now i won't waste time telling you my qualifications, i think those are apparent. no need to state the obvious! i will, however, share with you my platform. i think you'll find yourself inspired and your patriotic side renewed!
1. i will make it illegal for restaurants to run advertising in cities where they do not have locations! it is cruel and unusual punishment for a tempting baskins robbins or starbucks commercial to run in a town with no way to fulfill those longings. it's criminal. plain and simple.
2. as someone who is in touch with her constituents, i know gas prices are causing struggles for many. do you know what makes it even harder? dragging kids into the gas station to pay! so i'm suggesting a 10 cent off per gallon discount for husbands getting gas for their wives! win/win!
3. i'm really torn on the issue of the death penalty but obviously something severe must be instated with the worst criminals. i propose we make them cashiers at walmart. they obviously are having trouble finding them since there are never more than two open any given saturday. that way we can all get out of there in less than two hours and walmart can still make more money than warren buffet while selling items not even worth their weight in plastic.
4. being that this country is in major debt, it's an issue that must be addressed by any presidential candidate. so i have a ground breaking proposal.. wait for it...
we will no long spend money we don't have. if we don't have it, it will have to be cut from somewhere.
5. it will be a mandatory regulation that tim horton's put the sleeve on hot cups of coffee. no more having to ask every time. as if one time you might want to burn your hand.
6. read my lips: NO NEW CSI'S!
7. theMr would make an excellent first husband. this is not legislation, just fact.
8. no dental procedure would be allowed while the patient is awake. all patients will be put to sleep properly and sent home with good drugs.
9. my cabinet will be composed of my best friend, bethanny frankel, anderson cooper, and dr. drew.
10. the national anthem will be changed to ice, ice baby.
these are just a few of the exciting new changes i have planned! please consider contributing to my campaign in the form of hazelnut lattes and mexican food. it's time for change!