Friday, August 27, 2010

multitask is my middle name

enough angst and soul searching for this week (but thanks to all who encouraged me :) it's time to get back to why we're here- to discuss the insanity that is the everyday life of a mom! so i may have mentioned before that i do in home childcare. this is how we manage to send our children to private school on one income. i watch two boys (ages 3 and 5 mths) twice a week and a two year old three days a week. that's in addition to my own 10 month old and three year old. fridays i have the first two boys. now normally i don't venture out much with them all (that's five kids 3 and under if you're counting!) but occasionally it can't be avoided. like today. when i got a call from the school that one of my children was having an allergy attack and needed picked up. of course this call came just as i was getting ready to make lunch for the bigger kids and feed a bottle to the 5 month old. so i had one of the 3 year olds hold the bottle for the 5 month old and threw together a lunch for them to eat in the car while breastfeeding esme. yes, you read that right. i was making lunch while breastfeeding. i can do just about anything while breastfeeding. it's a matter of necessity. my poor neighbor's house is so close to my kitchen window i shudder to think how many times he's most likely seen me walking around my kitchen while nursing a baby! anyway, i threw some sandwiches and pretzels in baggies, made cups of ice water and put the babies in their respective carseats. now here's where it gets tricky: how do i get all these children to the car by myself? i obviously cannot carry two infants while holding the hand of the two 3 year olds. i also live in a neighborhood where it is not exactly safe to leave kids alone in the car. not to mention, my own 3 year old will either lock me out of the van or try to drive it if i leave him in there. and i can't leave someone else's kids alone in my car. so as i'm trying to figure it out, theMr comes home. hallelujah! he helps me get everyone loaded up. it's a good thing because i also had to move around some carseats, which i hadn't thought of before. i had to make room for an extra infant carseat and also have the toddlers where i could see them since they would be eating. are you tired yet? i'm tired just typing it! so we managed to get everyone buckled in and pick up the sick child. thankfully when we got home i could have her carry esme in so i could get the rest. now i just have to feed the babies, change their diapers, take the older ones potty and it's naptime! i made it! well, for an hour or so :)

Monday, August 23, 2010

let's just put it all out there, shall we?

*Disclaimer: this post will not be fuzzy, warm or funny. if you are looking for either of those things, click away now! you've been warned!

let me tell you about my companion. to call it a friend would be a stretch by anyone's standard of friendship. i'm talking about my anger. my anger that has become this entity that i drag around with me like a boulder around my neck. my constant companion that i try to leave behind yet i can't. my companion's name is anger but that's nothing more than a nickname. a nickname to cover for his real name which is fear, longing, rejection, insecurity, abandonment, depression and unmet expectations. sometimes i find ways to stuff him really far down inside so others can't see him. so i look normal and happy and totally at peace. then he makes his presence known, at the most random times. at a stranger in traffic. at my neighbor. at my mom. at my kids. at all the people who haven't earned it because he's too much of a coward to lash out at the ones who have. then i'm forced to apologize and try to excuse the behaviors... "i'm sorry, i'm not feeling well today" or "i'm sorry, i've been really stressed out lately" or "i'm sorry, it was a misunderstanding". what else can you say? "i'm sorry, i'm totally filled with rage and i took it out on you because you love me enough to forgive me". maybe i should say that but one of his other real names is deceit. part of masking deep anger is learning to lie. pretending all is good. pretending you are full of peace and grace. pretending it's ok when it isn't. pretending it's just a bad day. pretending you have it all under control while you hide away and cry in the pantry. because what happens if you show the truth? what if you let people see it? what if you let the wall down? will you ever be able to put it back up? what if you open the gate and it floods and you can't get it closed again? what if you just fall apart and this time the pieces can't be put back together? or what if i finally just let it all go? moved on, forgave, healed and grew? what if i stopped punishing my present day life for my past? what if i took all those unmet expectations and gave them back to the only One who can fill them... the Lord? what if i looked in the mirror and saw a woman who tries to be wife/mother/friend/sister/aunt/daughter but forgets to offer herself grace? would i be so angry? would i be able to move on? would i be able to embrace a new present and let go of wishing for a past? could i even realize that sometimes people let you down because they are dragging around their own companion and it's screaming so loud in their head they can't hear you? when i find the answers i'll let you know...

Saturday, August 21, 2010

guess who's mobile?

crawling around... eating everything she finds..

pulling up on things and falling down!

trying to sneak to the stairs...

and keeping me on my toes...

as if i wasn't busy before!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

vacation top ten!

well, it's back to the real world! after a week in sunny, beautiful myrtle beach we are back in the groove. we had several travel issues but the kids were great, the weather was great and it was a much needed break! without further ado...

Top Ten Best Parts of Vacation!

10. sun, sun and more sun! we all (well, except Esme!) came back brown and tan. it was super hot and didn't rain until the last day!

9. truly relaxing! when was the last time i went an entire week without mopping a floor or cleaning a toilet? probably not since i lived at home! i could get used to it!

8. smelling the ocean. all else fades away for me when i smell the ocean. it just feels like home to me. odd since i live in ohio!

7. no phone calls, no facebook, no appointments! my phone didn't ring all week. the WIFI was so bad i was rarely on the internet. it was good to be unplugged for a week. really good.

6. watching my kids have a blast in the ocean! the four older children all loved it. there was little fear and lots of laughing. they're ready to go back now... i am too!

5. kids were super tired after swimming all day- yay! there were no bedtime struggles, even though the four oldest were all in one bedroom. there were too exhausted at night to argue!

4. a date night that included night swimming in the ocean alone. a first for us... hopefully not the last!

3. a really nice resort. our condo was directly across from the playground and the pool area which was extremely convenient. we could let the bigger kids play at the playground and see them right out the front windows.

2. sleeping in, a relaxed schedule and just general hanging out. we adhere to such a strict schedule at home it was really nice to not worry about it. everyone except the baby did fine! lol

1. an entire week together as a family. sometimes life gets in the way of, well, life. schedules and work and responsibilities make it easy to live together and never really spend time together. it was great to have family dinners every night (not a possibility at home due to theMr's work schedule) and just be together. well worth the stress and money and all that went into making this trip happen!

although we're sad it's over, we can start to dream about next year...

maybe a trip without kids.... dare i even suggest it? we'll have to see....

happy end of the summer to you!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

can you hear it?

listen really closely....


school starts today... three down... two to go :)

p.s. i will eventually upload my vacation pics and tell you about it. just let me get these kids back in school!

Monday, August 9, 2010

true or false?

how much do you really know about me?

i can fit my entire fist in my mouth.

true or false?

i asked theMr out on our first date.

true or false?

i'm on vacation and i sent my husband to the pool with the older kids so the baby could nap. and i'm blogging instead of getting ready.

true or false?

i'm afraid of public restrooms.

true or false?

i live in a tiny two bedroom, one bathroom house in the ghetto so my kids can go to private school.

true or false?

i'm not at all competitive.

true or false?

i hate watching movies more than once.

true or false?

i sang in plays, productions and church most of my childhood and now will not sing in public.

true or false?

i've never broken a bone.

true or false?

i'm allergic to nature.

true or false?

i'm super ambitious.

true or false?

i spent many nights camping with theMr when w were dating and then refused to do so once we were married.

true or false?

i want to design a women's golf clothing line that doesn't look like something 80 year old women would wear.

true or false?

i collect teapots.

true or false?

my mom is my best friend.

true or false?

sometimes i pretend i didn't see my kids do things so i don't have to address it.

true or false?

it makes me feel better when i see people from high school and they've gotten fat.

true or false?

i don't put sunscreen on my kids when we swim at home.

true or false?

i secretly think my husband is hotter than any of my friend's husbands.

true or false?

i was unmarried and in college when i had my first child.

true or false?

my husband was originally buddhist.

true or false?

i have a twilight calendar in my kitchen but i keep it on the same month all year long... (*cough*edward*cough*)

all these are true. every single one. and now you know.

Friday, August 6, 2010


49 outfits
7 sets of PJ's
7 swimsuits
7 beach towels
3 swim jackets
portable high chair
baby gate
double stroller
umbrella stroller
laptop/cord/charger/car adapter
portable DVD player
non perishables for a week
prescriptions/emergency meds/etc
an entire suitcase just for shoes!
toiletries for seven people (a small carry on just for theMr's products!)
spare binkies
beach chairs
beach toys
sleeping bags
2,349 activities to occupy kids for the 12 hour car ride

where do we fit the actual kids?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

10 things i am NOT

i read alot of blogs. ok, maybe more blogs than i should. mostly mommy blogs because i relate (obviously). i read all about the crafts and homemade snacks and refinishing of furniture and whatnot and i think "am i the only mom in america that didn't enter the competition?" you know the one, the "greatest stay at home mom in the world" contest! in honor of keepin it real (and not getting sucked into the mommy wars) here is a list of 10 things i am not!

10. i am NOT an organic, all natural or all homemade mom. i feed my kids lunches that are frozen, processed and frequently have characters on the box. and i'm ok with that. i soothe my conscience by throwing in some carrots and an apple.

9. i am NOT all put together all the time. if you see me at the grocery on a tuesday morning chances are you'll see a skateboarding tshirt (that is theMr's!), some funky shorts, flip flops and no makeup. i substitute sunglasses for mascara.

8.i am NOT willing to sacrifice all my "me" time for my kids. if my husband is home i go run my errands alone, even when they are all begging to come. i shower and shave every night so that i feel clean and fresh before bed, even if that means a baby is screaming the whole time. she'll live. i promise.

7. i am NOT betty crocker. i hate to bake, hate it. i actually enjoy cooking but hate baking with a passion. i don't make cute birthday cakes for my kids. i pay for them. and i've yet to regret it!

6. i am NOT a mom who makes my bed in the morning but my husband makes his side. works for me!

5. i am NOT a mom who puts my kids before my husband. one day they will all grow up and leave and we'll be here alone together. it would be preferable for us to still like each other when that happens!

4. on a related note to #5- i am NOT a mom who has kids in her bed. we have a "no kids in our bedroom" rule and we make no exception. no kids in our bed, no kids on our floor, PERIOD. if you have a nightmare, i will come upstairs, comfort and pray for you, and you will go back to sleep in your own bed. our room is the only place in our house that is a kid-free zone. we work hard to keep it that way. i have many friends who don't agree with this one and that's ok. but i would point out that our, ahem, "love life" is pretty great for people with five kids! (hence the five kids...)

3. i am not a mom who needs her kids to look perfect every time we leave the house. i believe that teaching good hygiene is important. i believe that dressing appropriately for certain occasions is important. i do not, however, think there's anything wrong with wearing your superman cape to the grocery. or two different flip flops. it's ok to march to your own drum as long as you are respectful to others.

2. i am NOT a mom who feels the need to justify my parenting choices to another. i am, however, a mom who will probably respond to an inappropriate question or piece of advice with sarcasm and a look that let's you know you've gone too far! (i.e. are you done having kids yet???)

1. i am NOT a mom who thinks that because you work/don't work, breastfeed/bottlefeed, have a c-section/vaginal birth/adoption, or any of the many things that make us all different, that it makes you better, worse or more of a mom. i AM a mom that thinks that if you love a little person fiercely, whether they came from your womb or not, and you put their needs before your own and their smile brightens your day... you are a mom at heart. and that makes us all the same in the end.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

chaos, laundry and more chaos!

can i talk to you about what's going on in my house this week? we're getting ready to leave for vacation! we leave next weekend for eight days in myrtle beach! but that's not all... my kids start school four days after we return. do you realize the significance of that? that means i have to have all the back to school stuff done before we leave. so this weekend i went to walmart for our weekly groceries, school supplies for three kids, vacation supplies for seven people and gifts for two birthdays. seriously. i had a three page list. no joke. but i am proud to say that all of those things are accomplished! two hours, three stores and $250 later! i can't even fathom what it's going to be like getting five kids ready to start school. so the supplies are bought, the uniforms are washed and organized and everything is ready to go. now i have to pack. for everyone. holy moly. i have lists everywhere and i can't sleep at night because my mind is racing. it doesn't help that we have appointments all week on top of it. today theMr took the four older kids to his parents to swim and planned for me to meet him there when esme woke from her nap. while she was sleeping i was able to sneak in a little nap myself. so very needed! so i'm doing load after load of laundry and trying to figure out what everyone will need and how to fit it all in a minivan! also the bean's birthday will fall in the middle of our trip so we'll celebrate that too! so many details, so little time!!