a wide angle lens...

i want to share about something really personal, but i need to preface it with the forewarning that i must be somewhat vague about the details. this is one of those situations where i desperately want to share what God is doing in my life but i need to respect the privacy of others involved. so here goes... my husband and i have been going through a really hard time. i mean really hard. it's been going on now for several years and i can honestly say it's been toughest thing we have encountered in our marriage. i've hesitated to share about it out of the desire to not only protect my husband but to also protect my children for future reading. that being said, there are some things i think are ok to talk about. we've been slowly making progress but it seems like we take two steps forward followed by one step back. this is really frustrating for me. whenever the backwards step occurs i become discouraged and angry. why is this taking so long? why is the Lord allowing me to continue in this situation? why doesn't He just do something about it? this is where my thoughts go. so the last few days we've encountered one of those setbacks and my reaction has been as described. so i open up my email today and one of them contains the following quote by John Piper:

"The infinite complexity of the divine mind is such that God has the capacity to look at the world through two lenses. He can look through a narrow lens or through a wide-angle lens. When God looks at a painful or wicked event through his narrow lens, he sees the tragedy or the sin for what it is in itself and he is angered and grieved. “I do not delight in the death of anyone, says the Lord God” (Ezekiel 18:32). But when God looks at a painful or wicked event through his wide-angle lens, he sees the tragedy or the sin in relation to everything leading up to it and everything flowing out from it. He sees it in all the connections and effects that form a pattern or mosaic stretching into eternity. This mosaic in all its parts-good and evil- brings him delight. (Psalm 115:3).”

see, that's where i falter! i see the present. the suffering. the pain. the trial. but i can't see the outcome. i can't see the beauty that will come out of these ashes. my eyes are focused on the natural, because i'm human. but the Lord sees the whole picture. the forest and the trees. He sees the final result that will make all of this worth it. He sees the testimony and the ministry that will come out of it. and it delights him. so on days like today, when i'm wondering how much more i can shoulder, He knows that things are just as they should be. and that this struggle serves a greater purpose. and when i am drowning in the now and can't see past it, i can rely on my history with the Lord. the hardest things He has allowed me to walk through have been the ones that were most worth it in the end.
i will keep putting one step forward and believing we are actually headed somewhere. i will believe the promises of my God even when i can't see the proof that He's fulfilling them. and i will try to see my life from a wide angle lens instead of a narrow one.

top ten ways you know that you are sleep deprived...

i am so tired. really, really tired. perpetually and all the time. some days i'm so tired of being tired. after awhile i think your brain just starts malfunctioning from the sleep deprivation. and here are the ways you know you just need more sleep!

10. you are constantly dripping caffeinated beverages on your baby's head while nursing. while this is unfortunate, it is the only way you are going to stay awake to feed afore mentioned baby.

9. you find yourself wondering how many minutes of sleep you can sneak in on the couch before your toddler burns the house down.

8. you're too tired to tell people how tired you are when they ask how you are doing.

7. unlike this post, you would now pay a stranger to watch the kids while you nap.

6. you really start to wonder if it would be inappropriate to give all the kids benadryl to "facilitate" a nice long nap!

5. when the rare opportunity for a date night comes up, you'd rather just go to a hotel and sleep!

4. where you used to be jealous of your friends who have already lost their baby weight, now you're jealous of the ones who's babies sleep through the night.

3. you've been known to offer your baby anything from a fully paid college experience to a new car to just. go. to. sleep.

2. your whole day is focused around the next time you get to sleep.

1. it takes you twice as long to write a blog post because you are too tired to concentrate!

*p.s. you can now click on the "about me" tab at the top to read old posts that are a pretty good representation of me! :)

the shower

i can't wait to tell you about the baby shower i helped throw last weekend! it was for my dear friend, shannon, and her sweet baby, Imogen! now this isn't just any baby story... this is a love story that rivals my own! i met shannon through her older brother, mark. mark has been one of my oldest and dearest friends for over 17 years. i didn't meet shannon until several years ago as she was not included in our teenage shenanigans in mark's attempt to not corrupt her :) anyway, this is shannon's story. you see, shannon was married very young and had three darling children. unfortunately, a few years ago she went through a painful divorce. suddenly she went from stay at home mom to three young children to a single mom. but shannon is a fighter. so she got a job, took care of her kids and moved on with her life. then, when it was least expected, she fell in love with mark's lifelong best friend! the boy she had known most of her life and had a crush on all through school! now none of us were particularly surprised to see this. it was obvious immediately that these two were meant for each other.


so last summer, in a beautiful garden ceremony, they were married! not too long after, little miss imogen was conceived :)



of course, i never pass up a chance to throw a baby shower! we are all so excited for this new little family and their life together. so my other BFF, theresa, and i did it uP!



she came for the weekend from out of state and we had a blast doing it. not to mention shopping for a baby girl... we truly can't wait to meet her!








the two very excited big sisters!



the two (possibly even more) excited grandma's to be!






miss esme never misses a baby shower!

A,B,C's!

as mom's of young children, we are given the daunting task of teaching all the basics. the alphabet, counting, shapes, colors, etc. nobody wants to be the mom who's kid gets to college and still doesn't know how to count to ten! unfortunately, our days are filled with diapers and laundry and vacuuming and watching the real housewives of whatever...er... i meant to say sesame street... anyway, we have to get creative! when you have several young children in your care daily other than your own, it leaves even less time for important things like teaching and reality tv!
one of the ways i try to incorporate things like that is at lunch time! i label each child's lunch with their initial and they have to pick which plate is theirs. then we say other words that start with that letter.



we also count the number of items on each plate. i try to remember to make each one different but it doesn't always happen. i can ask them each to tell me how many carrots they have.



we also talk about the colors on their plates. for some reason they all love finding colors so after the lunch items we find other things in the kitchen that are the same color.



miss esme just takes it all in while stuffing as many pears in her fat cheeks as possible. she's probably going to be a genius from all of this mealtime learning.



at least i can rest assured that none of theMrs' kids will head to college not knowing how many carrots are on their plates!

hey lady!

so my youngest son is in speech therapy. he has a rather significant speech delay so he's been seeing a speech therapist for about nine months. he recently "graduated" to having to name the pictures he's shown as opposed to just repeating words. so at this his therapy yesterday she showed him a picture of a lady, as "L" sounds are hard for him. He replied "Mommy". she said that "yes, mommy is a lady, can you say lady?" he just kept saying "no, that's mommy!". is it his fault that at three he already knows that mommy is no lady? lol

i finally did it!

whew! i've been wanting to update my blog for a long time.. but who has the time? well i finally did it! you can now click on the links on the right sidebar for more pics and a description of that person! it was really fun for me to write our love story and the description of each child. i may have to read them occasionally to remind myself :)

a little behind...

i've realized i'm sorely overdue for some blog info updating! an example? that pic of my oldest daughter is from when she was SEVEN! she's eleven now :) i'm going to try to update the pics and whatnot this week. eventually i'd like to add that little feature where you can click on their pic for a description of them. if only my precious three year old could spend more than three minutes not flooding the bathroom, smearing himself in peanut butter or feeding his baby sister chocolate soy milk so i can get it done! we'll see how long it actually takes...

feast or famine?

is anyone else's life as a parent always feast or famine? as in, either we know where seven pacifiers are or we are guarding our last one like it's the crown jewel? or we have a bulk pack of diapers in the pantry, enough for ten babies, or we're down to making two last till tomorrow and praying the baby doesn't poop? and when you're in the construction trade, like we were for many years, finances are like that too. summer months mean lots of work, little of seeing daddy and lots of extra money. the winter is long, slow work and no money. but we get to see each other! can't i find a happy medium somewhere? just enough diapers till i go to the store next week? one pacifier in the mouth and a spare just in case? enough money to pay the bills and supply the occasional iced hazelnut latte all year long? is that too much to ask?

top ten ways you know that your husband has had too many children!

we've discussed before the many ways parenting changes us as women. but what about the dads? here are just a few ways to know he's had too many kids!

10. he wipes the baby's snotty nose on his shirt. his white, ralph lauren shirt.



9. after several sleepless nights with sick kids, he sees the baby do something cute and says "we should have another one!"



8. he doesn't even protest when the girls want to put make up on him. he just knows now not to let them use nail polish.




7. he's already thinking about the three weddings we'll have to pay for and comments that the "next one" will hopefully be a boy.



6. he thinks anyone with less children than us has it easy.



5. he's figured out how to fit three carseats in his truck.



4. he realizes he really needs a bigger truck... not for work but for children!



3. "date night" now consists of take out japanese food and watching shows online. and we love it.



2. he comes home from golf and missed the kids.



1. he now has SIX people that are super excited to see him come through the door at night!

my life in numbers...

i've been with theMr for 12 years...




i've been alive for 11,874 days...




i've breastfed for a total of 55 months in the last 11 years.. (so far!)




i have 100 nails to cut on bath night (and that's not including my own!)...




i was essentially an only child until i was 9 but i now have 4 brothers and 3 sisters...



i have 3 BFF's (i know, how lucky am i?)...



we have in our family's names: 11 A's, 4 E's & 7 I's! and that's just the first names of us and the kids!



i've been pregnant for 50 of the last 132 months!



you can add 4 of my children's weight together to equal mine... (well that's depressing!)...



this is my 280th blog post!

*none of these pics have anything to do with this post... just a shameless excuse to show you how cute my kids are!

pictures, pictures and more pictures...

this post is pure laziness! obviously since i haven't posted in forever i thought i should check in. but i just don't have anything to say. so much going on but i just can't get into all of it. so here's lots of pics. enjoy :)



the kids played dress up with miss esme...



she was not exactly a fan...





they were having a "baby model shoot" ha ha





in more wonderful news... my new little niece, pearl was born! she is beautiful and perfect and adorable. she cries all night and makes her mama tired and crazy but she is so sweet! i can hold her and smell her and get my baby fix and then go home!



this is miss esme in her new swing that her dad put up for her. she loves it and it gives me a place to put her when the kids are riding bikes, now that she's mobile and all!

maybe soon i'll make a real post. maybe.