Saturday, May 21, 2011

what?! we're still here?!

well, i haven't been raptured yet. which is probably a good thing considering i didn't prepare for it ahead of time. i totally neglected to stock up on canned goods and buy a gas mask. oh wait, that's the apocalypse? or maybe i was supposed to clean the house really well, like you do before you go on vacation? that way the looters will see what a good housewife you were? i think it would've been really funny to get all the kids up and out of the house before theMr woke so it would look like we'd been raptured. he sleeps like the dead so we totally could sneak out without him hearing! but i like my sleep too much to sacrifice it for a joke! i suppose today isn't over, maybe the rapture is more of a late day kind of activity? i don't think the Bible specifies if we should eat a big lunch first or not. i just hope it doesn't come during naptime. because these kids are a mess if their nap is interrupted!

so in honor of this occasion, let's countdown the top ten things to do in case the world ends!

10. get a mani/pedi/wax. just in case the state of our bodies in that moment is how we'll stay. no one wants to spend eternity with hairy legs and chipped nail polish. i believe they refer to that as hell.

9. pack a light dinner, just in case. my blood sugar is tricky. i can't depend on some angel to remember how often i have to eat. i'm sure the Lord is going to be super busy on that day.

8. do you think we're allowed to take our pictures and scrapbooks? like in a fire?

7. are all children potty trained in heaven? or should i pack a diaper bag?

6. i'm gonna have to set out a lot of kitty food, just in case animals don't get to come. i'd feel bad caring for these stray kittens for all of these weeks just to abandon them.

5. do i need my cell charge cord? my phone is a piece of junk. it only holds a charge for about 12 hours.

4. what about wifi? do they have wifi?

3. theMr is working today. i'd need him to come home. i don't think i can manage five kids ascending to heaven by myself.

2. oh snap... i forgot to pay my cable bill. i guess it's not necessary now!

1. i wish we would've gone out and spent all of our savings like others did! a random shopping spree sounds super fun! oh wait, what savings account?

*Editor's Note: this is obviously done tongue in cheek, only meant for a laugh! however, if you have questions about the real rapture and how to ensure you're going, please feel free to email me. i'd love to talk to you about Jesus :) *


Sassy said...

lol This is why I love you. Although heads up...Jesus isn't coming till 6pm. Not sure what time zone though....probably should have figured that one out....

themrs said...

who knew the rapture would be so complicated???