Thursday, May 26, 2011

the secret to a great marriage!

you can find your way to any self help section of a book store and find hundreds of books detailing how to achieve a successful marriage. i'm going to save you the time... i have the secret. it's no surprise to my readers and friends that the last year has been rough, to say the least. never has our marriage been tested the way it has in the last 12 months. but before all of these things took place, we were blissfully happy. we had a discussion the other night as to what we need to do to get back to that place. what has changed? the answer was glaringly obvious... we both used to devote our days to making the other person happy. it sounds so simple, yet is so hard to put into practice sometimes. somewhere along the way we fell into the habit of self protection and looking out for number one. there are few things more detrimental to a marriage. the key to a lasting and happy marriage is both parties striving to make the other happy. do you know what the result of that is? two happy people. two people putting their spouse's needs before their own. two people reacting in love even when they don't feel like it. two people treating one another with kindness even when the emotion is not there. unfortunately, emotions are a fickle thing. if we are adoring to our husband only when we feel like it, well, let's just say it's not going to be 24/7! there is a big difference between always loving someone and always treating someone as though you love them. at the end of the day, no matter how justified you may be in your "side", you're not really winning by withholding your love from your spouse. let me give you an example: i like to cook my husband really good dinners ( & he likes to eat them!) somewhere in the last year i stopped doing that. i was still feeding him every night. but i wasn't putting much thought or attention into it. i was acting based on my emotions as opposed to what i know to be true. is what i make him for a dinner such a big deal in the long run? of course not. but is showing him every day that he is the most important thing to me a big deal? absolutely! and cooking is one of the ways i do it. so we agreed that no matter how we are feeling about each other, we will both commit to putting one another first every single day. even when we're driving each other crazy. because at the end of the day, we're on the same team. we just have to be reminded of that occasionally. there you go. i just saved you $19.95 :)

3 comments:

Girl Child said...

True True TRUE!!!! I'm emailing you ;) too long to comment..

Mile High Mom said...

It's like the whole "five love languages" book. Just love them the way they need to be loved and they'll love you right back. That's the theory anyway.....

Kirsten Gruber said...

Awwww I think this is one of my favorite posts. Very wise :o)