an evening at home...

these two fight... alot

except apparently when they are looking at their baby books and agreeing how cute they both were!

this little girl whines... alot

except when eating her favorite food... which is pizza :)

there is no time of day that they smell better...

and snuggle closer...

than after their bath. which is consequently, right before bed :)



p.s. do not adjust the color of your monitor, the baby's face is green in the before bath pics. yes, she got ahold of the marker again. i swear i supervise her!

why i need theMr to work first shift....

then someone would've been monitoring this baby monster while i made dinner. or at least i could've blamed it on someone else....

you ask, i answer!

well, i asked my IRL friends for some blog fodder... and they came through! i was hoping you guys would ask something fun like how to not get pregnant or where i get my kickin taste in music. but nooooo... my friends have to be deep and introspective. but i'll answer them. and probably get into trouble when i do!

misty- the answer to your question is that people are idiots. plain and simple. they think what a little girl wears is harmless and that it's fine to sexualize their teenage daughters because everyone else is doing it! and look how well Britney spears turned out! they totally miss the fact that one of their primary jobs as a parent is to guard their children's hearts and bodies. and that there are creepy men who look at little girls. ugh...

katie- see above. i'm struggling to find bras for my ELEVEN YEAR OLD that aren't push up. jerks.

caroline- this could be whole post on it's own. i will tread lightly as i think we could easily end up on other sides of this proverbial fence. i will say this: i want my children to love everyone. i want them to treat all people, regardless of race, sex, socioeconomic background or practice with love, dignity and respect. i also want them to understand right from wrong and stand up for that. but i want them to do it in an appropriate way. that was a mouthful. or a run on sentence full!

mira- i hear ya, girlie, i hear ya :( as we are both navigating the terrifying world of raising a preteen, i would bet that you are encountering many of the same obstacles i am! the funny part is i have a few kids who are rebellious and have to be reminded that you can still be who you are while submitting to authority and some other children who i am always reminding that following the crowd is not always a good thing. you know what that last sentence says? i have too many kids! anywho, one bonus to sending our kids to private school is that it alleviates the clothing battles/peer pressures. everyone looks the same and i am constantly grateful. while i would have died at a dress code when i was a teenager, i'm a big supporter now! haha

flashback friday!

some things never change..... happy friday! :)


i have a few gripes to express towards nickjr though, and playhouse disney if anyone is counting.

TOP TEN WAYS CHILDREN'S PROGRAMMING IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE ME!

10. the shows are approximately 18 minutes long. have you ever tried to shower in 18 minutes when you have as much hair as i do? sorry theMr, you just have to get used to the furry legs. it's miracle i can shower at all.

9. some kid on tv just showed my kids how to play the recorder with their nose. thank you so much! i'm always looking for new ways they can spread their snot around a little more!



8. the "catchy" tunes, oh the tunes.... if you are at the zoo among hundreds of strangers and the tram pulls up and at least twenty other parents all start singing the "choo choo soul" song to their kids that should tell you something. true story, this happened to a friend of mine. we should not know these songs so well.
the phone, the phone is ringing....

7. the little "projects" between shows. you know the ones. the easy ones you can do with your child involving simple household items such as 37 Popsicle sticks, 14 colors of felt and a hot glue gun. and they make them seem super easy and fun so that your kid is nagging you all day about doing it. hey kids- our project for the day is making sure the baby gets her diaper changed at a reasonable interval!

6. the commercials. first of all, i'd prefer they don't have commercials. as if my kids need any reminder that are lots of toys they still don't have! but they also show ones directed at the parents. so now my kids want us to buy a snuggie, some tampax and one of those giant cupcake baking pans. not to mention dora nagging us to fill out our census. dora, are you even here legally?



5. the many languages. now i know that good mothers desire their children to by bilingual. but as a mother of a child with a significant speech delay, i'd rather just focus on english. can someone tell me why my toddler needs to know japanese?

4. the repetition of the same five episodes over and over and over.... really. if i see mickey mouse try to get that sheep out of the tree one more time...why is there a sheep in a tree anyway?



3. where are the parents in all these shows? why are max and ruby always unsupervised? and the backyardigans? they play outside all day long with no supervision.



2. the political correctness. now i know this one will probably get me in trouble but it drives me crazy. there is nothing PC about me at all. the constant messages of tolerance and whatnot annoy me to no end. do i want my children to love everyone, regardless of differences or lifestyle choices? yes. do also want them to stand up for truth and morality in a world of "everything goes"? absolutely. i'll handle the character development, nickelodean. thanks anyway.

1. this preschool programming is on 24/7. this is really a blessing and a curse. on one hand, it's always there. on the other hand, it's always there. so you can never (honestly) say "sorry, there's no show on right now!"
you just have to turn it off. and go outside. where you can do a big project involving planting your very own earth friendly garden of organic vegetables after finishing your census form.

mozilla firefox is trying to make me feel bad about myself

if you use mozilla firefox as your browser, you know there is a little tab up on the corner titled "most visited". if you click on it, it will bring up the websites you visit the most (that's why it has that catchy title). every time i click on it it only serves as a reminder what a loser i am. while it should bring up things like CNN news and national geographic, instead it's webmd and usweekly. what can i say? news is depressing! diagnosing weird bumps and seeing what people wore to the oscars is way more fun. i know, i'm totally what's wrong with america. save the speech. it's just that there are enough scary and depressing things in my real life, i don't need to read about others. i know the basics... we're at war with any country who's not white and christian (JUST KIDDING DAD!!!), the earth is totally ticked at us and is having a tantrum, and all over the world people are suffering and i can't change it :( wasn't that fun? if i can find ten minutes online between wiping bottoms and scraping nutrigrain bar out of the heating vent i'd much rather spend it arguing on a message board about whether or not hip hop is dead and checking out pics of my friend's new house on facebook. i need my internet to be an escape, not an education. so back off firefox, i see you judging me!

who do you think you are anyway?

as diverse and varied as we are, there is one theme i hear often among mothers of all types... who am i? women frequently share with me their battle to find their new identity after becoming a mother. i think it's ingrained in our minds to constantly be evaluating who we are. i have a theory though as to why mothers struggle in this area. are you ready? it's because we are trying so hard to find one category we fit in. as in "i'm a stay at home mom" or "i'm an attachment parent" or "i'm a homeschooler". we do the same with our everyday life... "i'm a republican" or "i'm a liberal" or "i'm a hippie". you know what i mean? the problem is that none truly fit in just one category. we can be different things at different stages or different seasons or different hours. i may be a strict, micromanaging kind of parent with my child who needs that from me and a totally laid back parent with a child who doesn't. i may be a leader in social situations but a follower of my husband. some moments i'm extremely extroverted to the point of overbearing and other times i'm guarded and reserved. i am not employed outside of the home but i run a home childcare business. does that make me a working mom or a stay home mom? and let's be honest, does any mom never work? you get my point here. the reason we have such a hard time finding a label for ourselves is because we fit so many different labels. our best bet is to quickly realize and accept that we are who we are. a crazy juxtaposition of qualities and strengths and weaknesses all rolled together into one. you know?

i am

mother

friend

critic

daughter

lover

follower of Jesus

aunt

listener

believer

questioner

cousin

partner in crime

comic

bandaid provider

blogger

defender of the underdog

irreplaceable

and many, many other labels. i am me. and that's good enough for now!

how to prevent further pregnancies..

1. tell your wife that she needs to pick it up a bit in the housekeeping department.

2. tell her you bought her a gym membership.

3. ask her to pop that thing on your back.

4. watch movies until 2am and then try to put the moves on after she feeds the baby for the
3rd time in two hours.

5. ask her if she really wants to eat that second cupcake...

6. tell her you wish she could be more like your mother.

7. call her by the wrong name. worse yet, refer to her as mommy.

8. push snooze for an hour and a half each morning... ensuring that your already sleep deprived wife gets just a little less sleep.

9. ask her "are you wearing that?"

10. countdown the days on the calendar till the 6 week postpartum appointment... with the final day marked "SEX" in red sharpie.

**notice i did NOT tag theMr in this post... he would never be so stupid as to say any of these things...

flashback friday

it's late at night and my house is quiet... all are asleep but my mind is still going. instead of an old post today, i want to share memories. more for myself than for anything else. i've been thinking about and missing my grandmother a lot lately. it's been almost two years now since she passed. the farther away we get the more the suffering and the disease and the heartbreak at the end fades and the good memories remain. i seem to miss her more and more each passing month. there used to be this little locally owned restaurant in town that she loved. they gave you a chocolate cake for your birthday. she, my mom and i use to have lunch there all the time. i can see it so clearly in my mind, as if it were yesterday. grandma's black coffee with red lipstick marks on it. her gum on the saucer. she always got soup and salad. always. we would have the same conversations. me talking about my life and her lecturing me :) i'm somewhat of the rebellious grandchild. she thought it her mission in life to set me straight. although, secretly, i think she liked that i was feisty like her. she could never say that, not one to "encourage" my waywardness, but we were cut from the same cloth. there was much more the same in us than just our long fingers and toothy smiles. that restaurant is gone now, just as she is. you can drive by where it used to be but nothing of the old remains. i can drive by her home or the place where she died but nothing of her remains. but i see her in the way i smile. in my wit. in my love for crossword puzzles. in my determination to always be right. she's still here. if i have one regret it is that she never got to meet esme. i was five months pregnant when she died. she loved babies so much. she would have rocked her for hours and laughed at her kitty impressions and nagged me that her coat isn't warm enough. she would have had her over for tea parties just like she did with me and my older daughters. she would have driven her crazy but loved her endlessly. just like she did me. but life goes on and people die and new life is born. it's just the way it is. and although esme will never meet her, she will know who she was. she will hear the stories. she will see the pictures. and she may not realize it, but she will see a little bit of grandma june every time she looks down at her own long fingers.

He makes all things new...

spring is arriving in the midwest... i realized yesterday that my tulips are coming up. it's been such a long winter. even more so, it's been a rough year. i am more ready for spring than i can remember being in a long time. spring always makes us think of new beginnings, new starts. how badly i need one of those! as i'm navigating my own new beginning, i'm holding on to a verse...

Ecclesiastes 3:11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

He is making all things beautiful... in His time. i want Him to do it now, or better yet: yesterday! but i cannot see the whole scope of what He is doing. so i just have to hang on until spring. and it's coming...



*image from google :)

the replacement...

theMr and i are a tad bit...morbid. we have had many conversations about what will go down if one of us dies. i don't know if this stems from having alot of kids or being so poor your only entertainment is sitting around talking about death. anywho, we have each given each other strict guidelines as to which kind of person the other is allowed to marry. mine are basically that she has to be less attractive than me. i want to always be known as the beautiful wife. his vary between also wanting the guy to be less attractive and me marrying a guy that will still teach the kids to skateboard and not to watch nascar. (cause the odds of me falling in love with a nascar guy are super high...) so my brilliant friend katie and i came up with an even better idea.... wait for it...

a board of our friends to approve the new wife!

this is the perfect scenario! my friends would never let some skanky 22 year old become my kids' new mommy! (because girls that age are totally looking for men with five kids, right?) they'll make sure my replacement is loving, nurturing, supportive and much less attractive than me! it's a shame we can't patent this idea, we'd be rich!

p.s. if i do actually die young, would someone please let the new Mrs know that the princess will never change her underwear if i don't remind her? thanks!

a mom's bucket list

man, i'm on a roll this week! that's usually how it happens for me. either i'm bursting with ideas and writing in my head all day or i got nothin. for weeks at a time. anyway, have you seen the bucket list? i actually haven't, i don't watch any movie where i know people are dying. but i do know what it's about. i think they have things like sky diving on their list. i'm thinking a mom's list is quite different from any other...

before i die i'd like to...

~eat one meal on time, the right temperature while not holding a child or cutting up someone else's food.

~ have a washer that doesn't get stuck on rinse and a dryer that dries completely the first time.

~ attend an honest to goodness cocktail party, dress and all. one that i do not have to stop home in the middle of to nurse a baby.

~ take a tropical vacation, no kids. sigh...

~ spend an entire day alone in my own house.

~fit into my really skinny jeans. (they're a size 0. i doubt i'll even be able to squeezed into those when i'm already dead. even if i die of starvation)

~ have a romantic evening with my husband without once worrying that by some freak of nature i'm going to get pregnant.

~ an entire day with no disciplining

~ walk into my laundry room and not see dirty clothes

~ but top of the list would be to live long enough to see these children grow and marry and have children of their own. happy and healthy and living close to mom :)

yep, i'm still not that mom...

remember when i told you how i'm not that mom? well, that has never been more apparent than this weekend. the bean was scheduled for a two hour slot of selling girl scout cookies at walmart. i marked it on my calendar and planned to be there. however, as the day approached, she informed me that the other mom was staying with them and that i didn't need to. so i dropped her off and planned to run my errands. about an hour later, i came back to do my grocery shopping there. point number one: the troop leader informs me that in the future i'm supposed to stay. that there needs to be TWO moms and two girls there. apparently the other moms are excited to take part in this venture. this mom was excited to not have to do it. now don't misunderstand me, i love being with the bean. i just love doing so in heat...while not selling things... so there was strike one against me. it was then pointed out that i put her patches on her sash backwards. first of all, i would like the record to show that i did that stupid sash while holding a hysterical baby and yelling at several other children to stop yelling! (no, the irony is not lost on me). so my poor daughter has the jacked up sash. she cheerfully informs the leader "my mom doesn't sew. ever." so the leader says that she can do the bean's sewing for me from now on. fail! but i'm not totally useless... i let the troop leader know that if they ever have a badge that requires making killer guacamole or dancing to house music or having babies i'm your girl! i'm sure those skills are going to come in super handy!

flashback friday!

so i said recently (to someone who will remain unnamed...) "if you go to jail i'm not bailing you out!" now in reality, i would have bailed them out. cause i'm a total pushover for the people i love. that's just one of those things you say to make it sound like you're taking the hard line. anyway, i got to thinking about the jail experience. now i've never actually been to jail, so this is all conjecture on my part. but it sounds a heck of a lot easier than my everyday life!

10. no more housekeeping! no more 800 loads of laundry. no more scrubbing the toilet where little boys have peed all over the floor. wait, what?! did you say you have to clean the prison toilets in there?? oh, nevermind...

9. no cooking! i don't care how bad prison food is, I DON'T HAVE TO COOK IT! of course the cafeteria is where i'd be most likely to land myself in solitary confinement. don't mess with my food. you touch my tray, you pay the consequences. just sayin.

8. free workout equipment! do you know how much our gym membership is? it's ridiculous. especially considering i could really just take my lazy self outside and run. but i'd rather run in air conditioning while watching tv.

7. lots of free time! time to read, time to write, time to NAP! need i say more?

6. recess! ok, i know they don't call it recess. but if you go outside twice a day to play basketball and run around that's recess. call it whatever you want. if there's one thing my life needs it's the reintroduction of recess.

5.no more planning! there is something strangely soothing about having someone else plan out your whole day for you. when you are responsible for seven (SEVEN!!) people's schedules as i am, that sounds like a dream.

4, free college! now i was fortunate enough to be able to work hard and graduate college with zero debt, a minor miracle. (and see how much that social work degree is helping me? while i change diapers and clean up spit up and whatnot? totally worth it) but i had to enter the workforce long before i was hoping to end my education. i'd love to go back and further it but finances will make that very difficult. so apparently i just need to commit a serious crime and then i can finish for free! yippee!

3. conjugal visits. i'll refrain from elaboration.

2. weekly visits with the kids. i love those kids. i'd love them even more seeing them for an hour once a week.

1. prison just seems like a life of leisure to me! now i know some would argue that the gangs and group showering and fights and whatnot are no walk in the park. but those people have never gone grocery shopping with a toddler and a baby.

multitasking, mommy style

i'm thinking the term "multitasking" was originally created for the workplace. i have no idea if that's true or not so don't quote me on it. however, there is no multitasking like that you learn to do on a daily basis as a mother. it's nearly against the laws of physics some of the things we are capable of! and hey, we haven't had a top ten in forever...

top ten ways mothers are master multitaskers!

10. who else can drive a car, swat four year old who's harassing their siblings, while drinking coffee and helping another child practice spelling words?

9. reading a child a story while going to the bathroom.

8. speaking of bathrooms, mopping the floor and cleaning the toilet while the kids are in the bath. all the while talking them through how to wash themselves.

7. having a child follow you to the laundry room so you can lecture them on their attitude while working on laundry

6. vacuuming carpet while singing a song to a grumpy baby in a sling, also while planning your grocery list in your mind.

5. eating dinner while folding a load of laundry and watching "baby story".

4. nursing a baby while cooking dinner and talking on the phone.

3. sleeping during sex....JUST KIDDING! (i couldn't resist :)

2. cleaning the tile in the shower... while you are taking a shower.

1. writing a blog post while uploading pictures and burning a cd :)

why i should buy "your baby can read!"

dear miss esme,

let's have a talk, shall we? you know mommy loves you. i love you more than chocolate cake with chocolate icing. you are my baby sidekick. my little sweet potato. my tiniest friend.



however, this not sleeping bit has to stop. i don't know if your teeth hurt or your feelings are hurt or you just take pleasure in torturing me. either way, you are seventeen months old. you should not be keeping me up all night!



when i took away your favorite method of eating, i thought you would stop waking me all night. but alas, we are still seeing way too much of each other between the hours of 11-7.



for goodness sake, you are my fifth baby! don't you know that you are supposed to be easy? have i not earned that by now?




in conclusion, if you would like to continue spending your days on my hip in your sling and having suckers for no good reason other than because you are so cute, KNOCK IT OFF!



well rested mommas are happy mommas. apparently you didn't get the memo.
sincerely,
your mother

joys of parenting, part 2

so at the end of yesterday... a very long day...

it's 8:30

all the kids are in bed

the kitchen is clean

it's finally time for me! i get my giant ice water, my book and my stereo turned to the ratpack XM channel...

i lay down on the couch... and it smells like urine. seriously? i smell the throw blanket, the little pillow, all around... it's definitely the couch. there is only once child in this house who would've done this. this being peed in his PJ's and then laid on the couch without changing. sigh...

so this morning entailed taking all of the covers of the couch cushions and washing them. while i was doing that theMr decided to vacuum out inside the couches. disgusting. who knew that any missing batteries, pacifiers, french fries, pennies, peanuts or polly pockets were right there? and all of this time we had been looking elsewhere! then he pulled the couch out to sweep behind it. well there's my missing flip flop and all the silverware that had mysteriously disappeared! it's like a disgusting treasure chest back there! while all this is going on, the two year old i babysit is asking questions the whole time.

"miss Abby, why is the remote back there?"

"miss Abby, can i eat that cracker?"

"miss Abby, my couch is not dirty like that!"

thanks buddy, glad to hear i'm the only one :)

the joys of parenting...

yesterday was one of those days... the ones where a certain four year is lucky to live to see his daddy come home. i love that child, i really do. but how much can one mother take? between the whining and the arguing with other children and the playing drums on his bed frame all. through. naptime.... i'm gonna lose it! i'm sure it didn't help that esme has been up for nights on end for no good reason. she appears to be sick with no symptoms. what am i supposed to do with that? i am not a mom that handles sleep deprivation well at all. at all. so last night we needed to pick up the bean's girl scout cookie orders. the troop leader lives about 25 mins away. i loaded everyone up and was honestly hoping the car ride would be a break. ha! there i go thinking again! the baby began crying as soon as we got in the car.






because she didn't want to be in the car.

the little guy began immediately whining because he refused to eat his dinner and it was finally occurring to him that he wasn't going to get a cookie like everyone else.



Za likes to ask questions in the car. lots and lots of questions.

"what if someone tried to count all the snow in the world?"

"how many miles is is around the world?"

"why don't you have google on your phone like dad does?"

"what if you could buy twenty cars for one penny?"

"what state was abraham lincoln born in?"

AAAGHHHH! before you know it, i am yelling at my kids to stop yelling. it's one of those moments where your brain is saying "you are acting like a crazy person" yet you are past the point of no return. you are mentally counting down how many minutes and seconds until these children will go to bed. you are wondering if maybe you should take up drinking. you are thinking about handcuffing your husband to a chair so he can't go to work anymore and leave you alone with all of these children...

and then we got the cookies. and everyone was happy and quiet! well... everyone except the little guy. cause he didn't eat his dinner. sigh...