Friday, October 29, 2010

flashback fridays!

happy friday all! this post is from march of 09, when i was newly pregnant with miss esme. let me just state that these universal truths all still apply!!

first of all, a pregnancy update: i am on day three of feeling normal!! yay! i'm trying to catch up on all the laundry, cleaning, etc that i've neglected for the last six weeks. hopefully i am DONE being sick. now i can look forward to getting huge :)

anyway, today i'd like to talk about fashion. i live in an average size city in the midwest. lately, i have been noticing the terrible fashion choices that those around me make, specifically moms. so i'd like to give a few tips because apparently they are needed!

1. PLEASE, for the love of all that is good, DON'T WEAR MOM JEANS! i don't care how old you are, what your post baby body looks like or how busy you are. there is no excuse in 2009 for any woman to be wearing jeans that come up to your rib cage or anything with pleats in it. do you not see that it actually makes your hips, bottom and belly look bigger? i don't know any mom who is hoping to increase the look of her trunk, no matter how much junk you have in there. now for those of us that have this leftover belly, we know we can't do low rise anymore. muffintop anyone? but you can choose a medium rise that is flattering and stylish. oh yeah- and don't forget NOT to tuck in your tshirt. not good. not even on heidi klum.

2. why are so many people wearing socks with their sandals? if it's too cold to leave the socks in the drawer it's too cold for sandals. nuff said.

3. if you are over the age of 25, a mother, or more than 130 lbs you should never be wearing a halter top, a mini skirt or shorts so short we can see where your baby came out. you do not look younger. you look like an old person trying to look young.

4. crocs. i know this one is probably going to get me into some trouble but i have to say it. there is nothing more hideous than an adult wearing brightly colored rubber shoes. i don't care how comfortable they are. the only person who should be wearing these shoes are medical personnel who are forced to work 12 hour shifts on their feet. that's it. no exceptions.

5. lastly, a faux pas that is near to my heart, this trend of big pregnant women wearing tight, skimpy clothes. i'm happy for you that you feel good in your new body. i'm glad that you are proud of your giant, stretch marked stomach. but please, save it for your husband. i don't need to see that when i'm grocery shopping.

i think that's all for today, i don't want to alienate all my readers in one day. if you find yourself falling into one of these categories, don't shoot the messenger. i'm just telling you what others are afraid to!

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