Monday, April 18, 2011

top ten things NOT to do in church

i'm gonna give it to you straight. i'm gonna tell you the things no one else will tell you. because it's become apparent to me that church etiquette is not a given... pay attention and act accordingly!

10. you can chew gum. you can eat candy. just open it during worship and not during the sermon. and the slower you go, the longer you prolong the distraction. just hurry up and do it. thanks.

9. you may think your toddler running around during the sermon is adorable but not all agree. my kids are in class or the nursery. how about i help you drop yours off there too?

8. this one is directly to my darling husband: it is disrespectful to the pastor to be texting other people in the same service during the sermon. stop it.

7. i've had many a nursing baby in services with me, i understand sometimes they are noisy or burping or whatever. no big deal. but do you really need to change that dirty diaper in the middle of the service? i didn't think so.

6. replying to the pastor's rhetorical questions as if the two of you are having a one on one conversation. calling out an "amen" is fine. anything else is weird.

5. don't "save" an entire row for three people. it's church. you'll have to get over your aversion to sitting next to others.

4. if you and your four kids are going to be 20 mins late, then you need to sit in the back. enough said.

3. while i attend a church that is super laid back about what you wear, there are still a few no no's... they include: muscle shirts, shorts that show your lady business, looking like you work at hooters, pants that allow your entire butt to hang out (i don't care that you are 16, put your behind away in God's house) and pajamas. *i will openly admit that i once had to run something to someone at church during a service i don't normally attend and did so in my PJ pants. i totally forgot that they were having a service. don't worry, no one who saw me will ever let me forget it!

2. if you wear a big hat, sit in the back!

1. when i drop off my (somewhat overly attached) one year old to the nursery, do not sigh in exasperation and say "guess i know who i'll have to be holding all morning" in a sarcastic tone. and when i pick her up, don't tell me you had to hold her the whole time and practically throw her into my arms. that makes mama angry. and she will not hesitate to knock your a$$ out in church. try me.

who wouldn't want to hold her?


Caroline said...

awww, just bring her to my house, I will hold her while you are in church :)

Mile High Mom said...

I think these rules apply to just about any group setting. Movies, the theater, a class. Anything where someone is supposed to talk and others are supposed to listen.

The Lotus Grows From Concrete said...

You may not know this Ab, but I read every blog you write, and ALWAYS giggle because, although I'm not going thru any of these experiences directly, i can imagine you in every scenario, and I LOVE your writing style. Your expression comes thru and puts a laugh in my belly and a smile on my face, EVERY time, thanks doll! <3

themrs said...

@caroline- it's a deal! she hates the nursery!

@MHM, you are totally right! and quite honestly, mothers of young children seem to be the WORST!

@lotus, thanks doll :) you know me well enough to know my tone and expressions while reading, lol