Sunday, August 21, 2011

Ask theMrs: keeping the spark and holding it all together!

it's time for another edition of ask theMrs! let's jump right in!

our first question comes from facebook:

This Wednesday marks my 13 year anniversary with my employer. I'm currently working towards my degree and I need words of encouragement! Since I have started I have managed to get straight A's all while working full time, a full time relationship, managing our household,experiencing my own motherhood with the little one, etc..... I am finally in my HR Mgt class and I feel that I have put way too much pressure on myself to maintain an A in this class. Why? Well because I've been working in HR for 13 years!! I'm doing great on all my assignments, but struggling with my open book tests. Yes, I said open book. I have never been a good test taker and I think I am putting way too much pressure on myself. Please offer me any words of encouragement.

well first off all, let me say Bravo! to be juggling all of that, well, is quite an accomplishment! i had a baby and full time job when i was getting through college also and i still look back and have no idea how i did it! it sounds like you are managing your time well and handling things great! i struggle with the perfectionist side too. here's the deal though: in the real world, nobody will ever know what your grades were! they won't even care about your GPA. all they see is that you have that degree. so making yourself crazy over one class is just not worth it. you know that you earned that degree and you will have the piece of paper to prove it. that's all that matters! so take a deep breath, do the best you can and don't sweat the rest. it'll all be over soon! and when you graduate? buy yourself a really sexy pair of shoes as your reward ;)

this question came in via email:

My husband and I have been married for 16 years and we have a 2 year old. We're currently in a lull in our relationship and just can't find the time for us. He's teaching so he has no choice but to bring his work home with him and by the end of the day I'm exhausted. How do you find time alone with your husband with 5 kids?

this is a really good question. it's one we're constantly evolving and working on! no matter how many kids you have, they are time suckers! add to it careers and outside obligations and it's easy for marriage to take a backseat. the only way to avoid this is to consistently put your marriage first. even before your children. here's what that looks like: schedule time for each other. just like you would an appointment. we do a weekly date night. we have to work hard to have the money and time for it but it's totally worth it. another thing is a good bedtime routine for our kids (and early bedtimes!) so we have time together at night! that means NO kids coming downstairs, no distractions. now this doesn't mean we're sitting having deep talks every night. some nights i'm reading while he watches a movie. but we try to be in the same room, on the couch or whatnot, at least cuddling. even for you two to sit together on the couch while he works will help bring closeness. he also has to be willing to set boundaries for how/when he works. even for you both to decide that after your toddlers bedtime there is no more working. that time is reserved for you. we try to at least have a 20 minute conversation at that time about our days and anything else before the tv or computer come on. just to connect. it's hard to do that deeply in the day to day, which is why we instituted weekly date night. lastly, another important component to keeping the intimacy while raising young kids is to have sex often. i know that seems funny to say but the more often you have sex, the closer you will feel. now don't get me wrong, i understand the tiredness that comes with young children. and how hard it is to feel sexy at the end of a long day cleaning up bodily fluids and wiping bottoms. but if you want to still like your husband when all the kids are gone, this is important. so take a hot, relaxing bath, put on something cute and not flannel and throw yourself into it. the interesting thing about sex is the more you have it (even if you really weren't in the mood) the more you'll want it. i would even challenge you to have sex every day for the next month and see how you feel. it just might surprise you ;) one great resource off the top of my head i can suggest is checking out the website raw reflections from the journey. this couple specializes in marriage enrichment and give some awesome advice. they also have a book coming out that i think will be great called "coaching your own marriage". i hope i answered your question!

if you have a question you'd just love answered, email me at!

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