Thursday, May 27, 2010
top ten reasons Jail would be a vacation
so i said recently (to someone who will remain unnamed...) "if you go to jail i'm not bailing you out!" now in reality, i would have bailed them out. cause i'm a total pushover for the people i love. that's just one of those things you say to make it sound like you're taking the hard line. anyway, i got to thinking about the jail experience. now i've never actually been to jail, so this is all conjecture on my part. but it sounds a heck of a lot easier than my everyday life!
10. no more housekeeping! no more 800 loads of laundry. no more scrubbing the toilet where little boys have peed all over the floor. wait, what?! did you say you have to clean the prison toilets in there?? oh, nevermind...
9. no cooking! i don't care how bad prison food is, I DON'T HAVE TO COOK IT! of course the cafeteria is where i'd be most likely to land myself in solitary confinement. don't mess with my food. you touch my tray, you pay the consequences. just sayin.
8. free workout equipment! do you know how much our gym membership is? it's ridiculous. especially considering i could really just take my lazy self outside and run. but i'd rather run in air conditioning while watching tv.
7. lots of free time! time to read, time to write, time to NAP! need i say more?
6. recess! ok, i know they don't call it recess. but if you go outside twice a day to play basketball and run around that's recess. call it whatever you want. if there's one thing my life needs it's the reintroduction of recess.
5.no more planning! there is something strangely soothing about having someone else plan out your whole day for you. when you are responsible for seven (SEVEN!!) people's schedules as i am, that sounds like a dream.
4, free college! now i was fortunate enough to be able to work hard and graduate college with zero debt, a minor miracle. (and see how much that social work degree is helping me? while i change diapers and clean up spit up and whatnot? totally worth it) but i had to enter the workforce long before i was hoping to end my education. i'd love to go back and further it but finances will make that very difficult. so apparently i just need to commit a serious crime and then i can finish for free! yippee!
3. conjugal visits. i'll refrain from elaboration.
2. weekly visits with the kids. i love those kids. i'd love them even more seeing them for an hour once a week.
1. prison just seems like a life of leisure to me! now i know some would argue that the gangs and group showering and fights and whatnot are no walk in the park. but those people have never gone grocery shopping with a toddler and a baby.