no title, just the truth

today i need to be brutally honest. if you came here for my usual sarcasm and humor, you may want to check back tomorrow. when i started this blog, it was primarily to stay in touch with out of state family and to have a place to record my feelings. instead, i've fallen into the habit of using humor to mask my real life. (this is a reoccuring theme in my life) today i just have alot to let out and there is something freeing in doing so with people i don't know in real life. so here goes....
do you ever think you may be having a midlife crisis? not the "i'm gonna buy a convertible and have an affair" type, the "what am i doing and why am i here?" type. i know i'm technically not middle age ( i hope!) but that's kind of where i am. i'm in the midst of pregnancy that i really didn't want. i had finally started to see the light at the end of the tunnel (i.e. FREEDOM) with leaving the baby/toddler stage for good. i was starting to have a little bit of my own life again. i was starting to feel like Abby again instead just Mom. now i'm starting over. don't get me wrong, i know i will love this baby just like the others. i know once it's here i will never regret it. but i'm having a really hard time coming to terms with it. i'm tired of my body belonging to someone else. i don't want to wake up all night and never be able to leave a nursing baby and be fat and tired and hormonal.
remember when you used to have dreams? i don't mean dreams of paying off your mortgage or putting your kids through college. dreams like traveling through africa, being a famous songwriter, changing the world. remember those dreams? i do
i love to sing, write music and perform. i haven't done it in almost ten years. another casualty of parenthood. i love to travel, but who can afford it among tuition and insurance and groceries and electric bills? i've always wanted to write a book. my mind is so full of ideas i can't sleep at night. but right now i can't find time to shower some days. i know that everyone talks about how you should cherish these years, how much i will miss them. i know that's true. but some days, when i'm tired and my guard is down, i really miss having my own life. i miss being me. what if this is me now? permanently. what if the old me ceases to exist anymore? what if she's gone, only a memory buried deep beneath stretch marks and sweat pants and hair that hasn't been washed in days. only to be remembered once in a while when a song comes on the radio or you see an old photograph.
i love these kids. i love this man who is my husband. i am so blessed to have the perfect life. so why do i feel like it's not enough? why do i feel like i'm missing something? i just don't know...

theMr

can i just talk about themr for a minute? there is no other being on this earth who can induce such love and irritation from me in the space of ten minutes. as far as the irritation goes, in his defense, it's totally my hormones. i can get irritated at his breathing. i can get mad when he loads the dishwasher because it's not done the way I do it. who gets mad at their husband for loading the dishwasher? a pregnant woman, that's who. after all my snapping and griping and general meanness, he's still so nice to me. he makes me fried oreos after the kids go to bed. he kisses my forehead when he thinks i'm sleeping. he bathes the kids because he knows i hate to do it. and i'm mean to him. you'd think after four pregnancies he'd be warned not to let this happen again! when i'm not pregnant (yes, occasionally that is the case) i'm semi- normal. i still tend to be moody by nature, but i control it much better. when i'm pregnant, sleep deprived or post partem- LOOK OUT! i'm certifiably crazy. i am the woman who really considers ramming someone else's car with my minivan when they drive like an idiot. i'm the woman who yells at the manager at lowes (that was last pregnancy). i'm the woman who is at kroger in her pj pants with kids who are only slightly dressed appropriately- and she doesn't care. poor theMr- we've still got five months to go!

quote of the day

so, we're sitting around the dinner table. the kids have been playing outside since they got home from school until i made them come in to eat. suddenly, the princess looks up and says "after dinner, can we go back outside and play with our dudes?"
out of the mouths of four year olds...

a few more fashion tips....

i realize i already shared my wonderful fashion tips with you... i could tell from the comments that you were overwhelmed with gratitude! today, i noticed that i forgot a few very important ones! so sorry!

**Disclaimer: all of the following tips were conceived from one trip to walmart. welcome to the Midwest.

1. no one, male or female, should EVER have a mullet. not only that, you should never agree to a haircut that even suggests a mullet. this includes any cut that is short and feathered on the sides. the 70's are over. move on...

2. all women, at all times, should be wearing a bra. i don't care how young or old you are. i don't care if they are perky or saggy, big or little, real or enhanced. you should still have a bra on. some of us are out in public with our children. have some respect.

3. if you are of a culture or age group that prefers to wear your pants half way down your legs, please remember to wear clean boxers. that's all i'm going to say about that.

4. last, but certainly not least... the camel toe. if you don't know what a camel toe is, i'm afraid you're going to have to contact me privately as this is a family blog. but let me just say this: if i can see each detail of your anatomy while you are wearing jeans, we have a problem. and most likely, you have some health problems too. please, for the love of all that is good, buy yourself some pants that fit. i will help you.

well, that's all for tonight! i'll really try to stay away from the fashion tips for awhile but i can't make any promises. not everyone has cable, therefore cannot benefit from stacy and clinton. i'm just trying to do a service for my fellow americans. i'm patriotic like that.

new camera, YAY

my precious little man broke my most prized possession recently, my camera. i cannot live without it! i carry it everywhere. thankfully, i still had money from christmas and my birthday i hadn't spent. of course, themr insisted we consult consumer reports before purchasing :) we did, and were able to get a really great camera, much better than my old one. not to mention, with some bargaining, i was able to get it for $60 less than it should have been! woo hoo! i'll hopefully post some new pics soon!

Oh what a day... this morning i went to run errands with my husband and two youngest children. (hence the pic of two of my favorite boys :) when we got back, i was trying to get some work done. as you can see from the other two pictures, my little man thought it would be fun to play with baby powder. it was everywhere. i was trying to sweep it up with the dustbuster but i kept coughing. so i had to mop it up. now my bathroom smells like a sweet baby's bottom! hope you're having a good day!

random...

i can't seem to type a coherent blog entry these days. there are too many things going through my head at once to articulate. a few minutes ago i was wondering if i'll ever be able to get through an entire roll of aluminum foil without one of my kids unrolling it. it seems to happen every time! then i started reading a message board i frequent and i couldn't concentrate on what they were saying because there were so many grammatical errors. i know, i'm anal. but seriously, this poster said that if someone she knew did what we were discussing she would read them the "right act". are you kidding me? some people just shouldn't be allowed near the internet. then i head over to this other site and there is some poster foaming at the mouth about something totally inane from a tv show. seriously, you should go outside more. speaking of outside, i told my brother to go outside today on facebook. he's a video game addict and all he posts on his status updates is info about this game he plays. so today, i told him to go outside. it's 70 degrees here. this weekend it was in the thirties. i got some angry response! not from my brother, from one of his video game junkie friends! this kid is lucky i don't know where he is. don't tick off the pregnant woman. it's not a good idea. see what i mean? no coherent thoughts...

fashion DON'TS!!

first of all, a pregnancy update: i am on day three of feeling normal!! yay! i'm trying to catch up on all the laundry, cleaning, etc that i've neglected for the last six weeks. hopefully i am DONE being sick. now i can look forward to getting huge :)

anyway, today i'd like to talk about fashion. i live in an average size city in the midwest. lately, i have been noticing the terrible fashion choices that those around me make, specifically moms. so i'd like to give a few tips because apparently they are needed!

1. PLEASE, for the love of all that is good, DON'T WEAR MOM JEANS! i don't care how old you are, what your post baby body looks like or how busy you are. there is no excuse in 2009 for any woman to be wearing jeans that come up to your rib cage or anything with pleats in it. do you not see that it actually makes your hips, bottom and belly look bigger? i don't know any mom who is hoping to increase the look of her trunk, no matter how much junk you have in there. now for those of us that have this leftover belly, we know we can't do low rise anymore. muffintop anyone? but you can choose a medium rise that is flattering and stylish. oh yeah- and don't forget NOT to tuck in your tshirt. not good. not even on heidi klum.

2. why are so many people wearing socks with their sandals? if it's too cold to leave the socks in the drawer it's too cold for sandals. nuff said.

3. if you are over the age of 25, a mother, or more than 130 lbs you should never be wearing a halter top, a mini skirt or shorts so short we can see where your baby came out. you do not look younger. you look like an old person trying to look young.

4. crocs. i know this one is probably going to get me into some trouble but i have to say it. there is nothing more hideous than an adult wearing brightly colored rubber shoes. i don't care how comfortable they are. the only person who should be wearing these shoes are medical personnel who are forced to work 12 hour shifts on their feet. that's it. no exceptions.

5. lastly, a faux pas that is near to my heart, this trend of big pregnant women wearing tight, skimpy clothes. i'm happy for you that you feel good in your new body. i'm glad that you are proud of your giant, stretch marked stomach. but please, save it for your husband. i don't need to see that when i'm grocery shopping.

i think that's all for today, i don't want to alienate all my readers in one day. if you find yourself falling into one of these categories, don't shoot the messenger. i'm just telling you what others are afraid to!

top ten ways you know you're pregnant with your 5th child...

10. you let your kids eat cheezits for breakfast because you are too sick to cook. and you don't feel guilty.

9. your maternity clothes are now your normal clothes

8. you have to fake excitement at the dr. office

7. you have no preference either way whether it's a boy or girl

6. you start sentences with "when i was pregnant with one of the kids, i can't remember which one..."

5. you hesitate to tell people as you know that you will hear "don't you know how this keeps happening?" and you really want to reply "how funny and original. i've never heard that one before. no, i do not know. please explain it to me"

4. your poor husband long ago accepted the truth that sex causes pregnancy and pregnancy causes very little sex.

3. when people ask you if you're done, you really want to punch them.

2. you have run out of names you both agree on

1. you no longer know how many weeks you are, you just know what season you will not be sick any more!

pet peeves...

ugh, i just have to vent for a moment. my oldest daughter is at the age where she gets phone calls. we don't have a problem with that but have put in place some phone usage rules. here's my pet peeve, when her little friends call they will call over and over until someone answers. that means if we are in the middle of dinner, we can have three messages on the answering machine from the same child in that span of time. it is very frustrating. i've asked her repeatedly to tell all her friends that they are to leave ONE message and that is all. if no one answers then we are not available. she's told them, yet the phone calls continue. i have no idea why this makes me so crazy, hormones? then, a few days ago, a BOY called for her! thankfully themr was at work, otherwise it's possible his head may have exploded. i informed this young man that she is not permitted to receive phone calls from boys and he asked me why! uh, because she's a third grader and i'm her mother and i will hunt you down! i am not ready for all of this.