Wednesday, March 25, 2009

a few more fashion tips....

i realize i already shared my wonderful fashion tips with you... i could tell from the comments that you were overwhelmed with gratitude! today, i noticed that i forgot a few very important ones! so sorry!

**Disclaimer: all of the following tips were conceived from one trip to walmart. welcome to the Midwest.

1. no one, male or female, should EVER have a mullet. not only that, you should never agree to a haircut that even suggests a mullet. this includes any cut that is short and feathered on the sides. the 70's are over. move on...

2. all women, at all times, should be wearing a bra. i don't care how young or old you are. i don't care if they are perky or saggy, big or little, real or enhanced. you should still have a bra on. some of us are out in public with our children. have some respect.

3. if you are of a culture or age group that prefers to wear your pants half way down your legs, please remember to wear clean boxers. that's all i'm going to say about that.

4. last, but certainly not least... the camel toe. if you don't know what a camel toe is, i'm afraid you're going to have to contact me privately as this is a family blog. but let me just say this: if i can see each detail of your anatomy while you are wearing jeans, we have a problem. and most likely, you have some health problems too. please, for the love of all that is good, buy yourself some pants that fit. i will help you.

well, that's all for tonight! i'll really try to stay away from the fashion tips for awhile but i can't make any promises. not everyone has cable, therefore cannot benefit from stacy and clinton. i'm just trying to do a service for my fellow americans. i'm patriotic like that.


Eileen said...

Oh my Heaven! This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long, long time!
I'm having a really bad night, and I needed this!
Seriously, laughing out loud!

Ash said...

i don't agree with the mullet. i love mullets. i'm getting one next week. : )