Tuesday, March 27, 2012

a private message to mothers of young children...

over the weekend, i witnessed something i know all too well while grocery shopping. a toddler, maybe a year old, having a full blown tantrum in a walmart cart. his harried mother was trying everything in her repertoire to calm him, to no avail. he was not having it. i looked around at the responses the other shoppers. some, like myself, were looking on with sympathy. but others were downright scowling. if looks could kill that kid would've been an orphan. i wanted so badly to put my arm around this stranger and promise her it will get easier.



as someone who has been in this position more times than i can count, i felt her pain. it is frustrating, embarrassing and maddening. add to it glares and judgmental head shaking from strangers and you have a full fledged episode. i can't help but wonder.. have those head shakers ever shopped with young children? if so, surely they can remember how stressful it is? do they just not know any better?



i'll never forget trying to leave my grandmother's funeral visitation. theMr was at work. i was 8 months pregnant with esme. it was 8:30p and well past time to go. i was carrying the 2 yr old sideways like a football while he had a screaming meltdown. i was literally dragging the 4 yr old by the collar while threatening the older two under my breath. all the while hoping i didn't give birth in the parking lot. i got to the door of the funeral home and the two employees standing there just stood and stared as i pushed the door open with my (ample) hip and dragged everyone outside. no one offered to get the door. no one offered to help me. not those employees nor any of my friends or family inside. i got everyone strapped in their many carseats. i wasn't sure if i wanted to cry or cuss. in those moments you feel invisible, even though everyone is watching.



as someone who is just about past the stage of public tantrum throwing, i just need to offer a little encouragement. to all of the mamas still in the trenches... the ones who fear they will never be able to make a trip to the grocery or the doctors office or the park without someone losing their two year old marbles... it gets easier. i promise. a day will come when all of your children will be able to make through an entire well visit without screaming or trying to bite the nurse. when they can all walk without holding anyone's hand. when you can use a regular shopping cart instead of the cadillac sized one that holds four kids. and when that day comes, and you see a mom with a screaming child in her car and a baby on her hip: pat her on the back and tell her "this too shall pass". and look all those scoffers in the eye and tell them to beat it.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't take your kids to Wal-Mart in the first place. It's called a babysitter or a husband or a partner for a reason. Or stop having kids.

themrs said...

wow! some people have husbands or partners who work all the time. therefore don't have a choice to not take them. but either way, they have every right to be there as YOU do. but thanks for sharing your opinion!

Mile High Mom said...

I'm much more concerned about an adult spewing hate, like the comment above, than I am about a toddler throwing a tantrum in public. At least the toddler is still a child and is still learning. Adults should know better. I've actually been seeing a rash of "anonymous" commenters on mom blogs saying hurtful things lately. There's a reason they stay anonymous. They know what they are saying is wrong and are too cowardly to own up to it by using their real name.

motherwifesouth said...

I guess someone either has no kids, their boyfriend doesnt work or they have kids and pawn them off on others all the time. BTW not to good parenting to have others take care of your children all the time, your called mommy for a reason. Abby your doing Awsome, the best mom I know that's for sure:)

Amanda said...

I can't imagine asking someone to babysit so I can go WalMart. That kind of baffles me. I'd rather run errands with my kiddo during the day, so we can spend time together as a family in the evenings and weekends.

Grow a pair anonymous. Don't comment like a chicken.

Lauren said...

Almost being past the point of tantrums in the store myself, I intend to make an effort to encourage a parent in that situation in the future. Someone was kind enough to do that for me once and it made all the difference in that moment.

Regarding Anonymous' comment: Avoiding everyday situations, like running errands, grocery shopping, etc. fixes nothing. And people like you who judge, are worse than a screaming toddler.

Tina Marie McGrevy said...

Wow, Anonymous...The Mrs. is kinder than I would have been.

I am the mother of a child born with Smith-Magenis Syndrome who just had a tantrum at the grocery store because I would not buy him an Elmo balloon. He is twelve. And these days will never pass for our family.

I would've left him with the husband, except he was on active duty with the National Guard. You may not have heard, but our country is at war. Some Moms are left at home to do it all and babysitters are not free....

themrs said...

Bless you, your son and your husband Tina! you have every right to take him to the store... forget anon!

Tina Marie McGrevy said...

Thanks...I'm off my high horse now :)

I don't know why that bugged me so much, but it did!!