it's 103 degrees here in lovely ohio. it's wonderful, truly. we went swimming today and it was almost too hot for it. too hot for swimming. what the fudge round? anywho, i was thinking about all of the things that we, as wives, wish our men already knew about us. without having to be told. or reminded. or nagged. this list is in no way comprehensive. just the tip of the iceberg really!
10. while we are cooking dinner is never a good time to start groping us. it doesn't make us feel sexy. it makes us want to kick you. but we're trying to teach the kids not to be aggressive. so stop it. same goes for when bathing a child, doing laundry or nursing a baby. that last one is totally a conflict of interest.
9. never, ever tell us how your mom does something. whether it's a good or a bad thing. just don't.
8. if you would like all of the parts of your body to remain attached to your body, never refer to anything housekeeping related as "our job".
7. foreplay? try mopping the kitchen. that's a good start.
6. we need to be told we are beautiful, often. a general rule of thumb is the more babies= more compliments. an example of a compliment gone wrong? "look honey! your thighs almost don't rub together anymore!" (yes, i've actually heard that one) on the flipside, husbands like to hear it too ladies! look impressed any time he takes his shirt off. it's only fair!
5. pretty much any time you start a sentence with "smell this..." my answer is gonna be NO.
4. letting the kids destroy the house while allowing us to sleep in is not really helping us in the end.
3. a victoria's secret gift card for our birthday is not a gift for us. who are you kidding?
2. always act like you'd rather spend time with us than your friends, even if it's not true. we'll give you the same respect.
1. "honey, my back is killing me. can you give me a massage?" is not code for "try as hard as you can to have sex." and when we say that to you, it is not code for "try even harder" or "try after we fall asleep". just thought you should know that.