while there are few certainties in life, raising five kids makes you realize there are a few. i call them the Murphy's laws of mothering:
~if you have your carpets cleaned for the first time in five years- someone will vomit, urinate or spill chocolate milk on it within 48 hours.
~ if you mop the kitchen floor, someone will throw their plate on it.
~ if you tell people, firmly, that you are not having any more children- you will be pregnant within six months.
~if the baby is sleeping, the toddler is having a tantrum. if the toddler is sleeping, the baby is crying.
~if you are actually in the mood for some "lovin"- your baby is teething and will wake up to cry every six minutes.
~if you have a baby and a toddler, you can accomplish "lovin" in six minutes.
~if you dress your children in adorable, coordinating christmas outfits- the baby will blow up in her diaper, the toddler will slide down the wet and muddy hill and the school age children will somehow also get dirty by the time you get to the car.
~if you finally manage to fit into your pre-baby skinny jeans- they will get spit up on.
~if you plan a long, romantic evening with your husband- you will either have a sick child or get in a fight on the way to the restaurant.
and last but certainly not least...
~if you have children, they will do all the things you swore your kids wouldn't do before you had children. and you will still think they are the cutest, smartest, most well behaved children you've ever met!