top ten facebook No No's

so, i have this little sitemeter thingy that tells me how many hits i get a day, where they are coming from, who referred them, etc. it doesn't tell me anything fun like your names or whether you liked it or whether you accidentally ended up here by googling "i think i've lost my mind". well, actually it would tell me that. anyway, an interesting little tidbit that i have learned from sitemeter is that when i post serious or touching things, i have fewer readers. what tends to earn me the most? top ten lists and things that will tick people off. surprise surprise... turns out, nobody really cares to hear my take on marriage or parenting (too bad...you're gonna get it anyway!) they'd rather i just make a fool of myself with my motherhood failures and make jokes about the things that you are all thinking but too mature to say, much less put on a blog! eh, i guess i'll just give you what you want. the customer is always right?

top ten Facebook No No's!

10. don't look like an escort in your picture. picking a profile pic is tough. do i put a nice picture of myself? a family photo? something political and/or religious? or how about a picture of my cleavage that i took with my phone in a bathroom! you are not 16. you are not looking sexy. you are embarrassing yourself.

9. putting your family drama on. you know what i'm talking about. changing your status from married to single every time you have an argument over who's turn it is to change a dirty diaper. calling out your brother's wife for something she said about you on her page. stop it. all of you. keep your private business private. that's why it's called personal.

8. letting your young child get a facebook page. there is a reason there are age guidelines. and if your child is going to be on there, you may as well tell them not to send me a friend request. i don't' hang out with 11 year olds in my real life (unless i gave birth to them) and i don't intend to start. thanks anyway.

7. playing all the games and continuously inviting me to play too. i don't care if you love the games. have at it (though i may be secretly judging you)! but stop inviting me! i don't care if you need another cow for farmville or whatever the heck is the goal of that game. i'm not interested. i'm working on finding time to sleep on a regular basis. i have to feed real, live children. not internet farm animals.

6. putting old (unflattering) pictures up and tagging me. this category includes putting up pictures of me and old boyfriends. i don't mind if they are up but they will be untagged. my husband would rather not see such pictures every time he looks at my facebook. we like to pretend we never even looked at another person before each other! and i would rather not see the ones of me in 6th grade with bangs bigger than my entire face. thanks for reminding me!

5. inviting everyone to every event you have, no matter where they live. listen, i'm happy for you that you are selling marykay/pampered chef/those christian purses. i hope you find great success. but you live in Tennessee. i'm not coming to the party.

4. status hijacking. we've discussed this before... example? you post something upsetting or frustrating that happened to you (i.e. my car caught on fire on the way home today and now it is totalled.) someone replies with something irritating like "you should be thankful you even have a car. some people in zambabwe have never owned a car." or "you should be happy that now you won't have to pay exhorbitant gas prices. you can just walk everywhere with your five kids". see what i mean? stop it. i will not be happy that my car burned to ashes. i can be frustrated for a minute. it's ok.

3. clicking on all those spam links. You can't find out who saw your profile. You won't see what you look like in the future. You won't know what that man saw when he walked in on his daughter. There are no free ipads and you can't see the video of Osama's death... Not on FB. So stop clicking the spam links and exposing yourself and friends to virus risks. (although in my opinion, if you want to see some of those sick videos, you deserve the virus. just sayin...)

2. posting controversial status updates and then getting super angry and defensive when people disagree. i like to rock the boat a bit. i'm all for some lively discussion. you can feel free to debate me on my status and i won't get mad (as long as you don't get rude!) but if you choose to say something risky, be prepared for the response. it's the same with this blog. i know when i post things if it may tick a couple of people off. i'm ok with that. it comes with the territory of being opinionated. but if you choose to do it, you choose to deal with the repercussions.

1. over updating. this is a fine line. i don't really care how many times a day you update your status because i can just not read it. what i'm talking about is doing so over and over again about the same thing. i'm glad your band has a show this weekend. i didn't need to read it four times a day for the last week, along with the email and the event invite. if i like you that much, i'll be there. or i'm happy for you that you are watching _____sporting event/awards show/presidential speech. play by play commentary is for twitter. thank you for your time!
buh bye.

well, that should about cover it for now. i'll let you know if i think of anything else. just trying to give the people what they want!