flashback friday!

*Editor's note: I chose this repost as an encouragement to all the moms out there that i know are struggling. i wrote this a little over a year ago. there were many days i felt like i was sinking. can i tell you how relieved i am to read it now and see that my days look nothing like this now? not that i'm living the easy life now or anything, but just having kids one year older makes my life so much less intense. so this is for all my friends who are pregnant or have a new baby (& a toddler!!) i promise it gets easier :)
<3, Abby

i'm having one of those weeks no one tells you about before you have kids, especially five of them. you can read all the books and websites and magazines and no one will tell you. maybe because the future of the human race is dependant on not scaring women out of having children? i debated even blogging this because, honestly, alot of the mommy blogs i read are very hearts and rainbows. but real, day to day motherhood is not that way. there are moments of pure bliss sandwiched in between days of frustration, exhaustion and feelings of failure. we started the week with news that we have to purchase a new van (not welcome news!) followed by many, many days of a screaming baby and a terror of a toddler.
this baby, adorable as she is, is making me crazy. i don't know what's wrong with her. is it teeth? gas? schizophrenia? who can tell??? trust me, if i had any idea how to make it stop i would. add to that the fact that i spend every day from noon on alone with them and you get a very exhausted mother. then there's the little guy.

he may very well be the child who puts me over the edge for good. here's a typical scene in our house lately: i'm walking the screaming baby while three other kids are arguing/talking/singing/whining or otherwise demanding my attention. while this is happening, the little guy is getting a brand new bag of espresso out of the cupboard and pouring it in each of the burners on the stove. then he's pouring chocolate soy milk on all of that. when i tell him he's getting spanked for this? he laughs. it is a true miracle that child is still living. keep in mind that while i'm disciplining this little angel and cleaning up the mess, i'm still holding the screaming baby. in a typical evening i alone am responsible for cooking dinner, feeding five kids, cleaning up from dinner, facilitating the lunch packing, bathing five children, cutting a total of 100 nails (holy moly!), getting clothes out for morning, making sure homework and studying are done for three kids (this includes spelling words and scripture memorization for one child who is ADD) doing at least two loads of laundry a day, folding and putting away these loads, nursing a baby every three hours, and getting them all to bed by myself. notice that does not include the heavier cleaning needed or any kind of "quality time" with the kids such as reading to them or playing. people frequently ask me "how do you do it?" my reply is usually "how do you know i'm doing it well?" this is one of those weeks when i don't think i am! after a frustrating evening last night, i cried in the bathtub. and when i got out, i checked to make sure each little body was sufficiently covered up in our old, cold house. and as i kiss their little foreheads, i'm reminded that it's worth it. even on weeks like this.