the end of the day is the hardest for me... when i'm laying in bed and trying to sleep... already thinking about how tired i'm going to be in the morning. it's when i obsess and worry and overthink everything. it's when i go over my day and think about the things i did wrong or not soon enough or too late or unwell. i go through the house when everyone is asleep and i kiss their faces and cover their little bodies and worry that maybe i'm missing it. maybe the days are so full and so busy and so hectic that i'm missing out on their childhoods. that one day i'll look back and wish i didn't have a computer or a tv or a job and i just basked in them being little. that i could recall every little moment and every smile and all the silly ways they pronounced words. that i had spent days playing and pretending and singing and making messes and never worried about loading the dishwasher or answering the phone. sometimes it takes a crisis to remind you that the mundane, everyday is what really matters. that the "big" things like weddings and birthdays and promotions and bonuses are really just specks in the timeline... that kisses and hand holding and all day PJ's and popcorn for breakfast are really the "big" things. maybe we have it all turned around. maybe in all of my planning for the future i'm missing out on the present. maybe it's time i change that...
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