a day in the life of the mrs

i'm theMrs and i approved this message!

2012-01-27T09:53:00.003-05:00

it's that time again... when our great country comes together to elect a president. while i generally try to avoid politics on this blog, i just can't keep my thoughts to myself this time! that is why i'm running for president. now i won't waste time telling you my qualifications, i think those are apparent. no need to state the obvious! i will, however, share with you my platform. i think you'll find yourself inspired and your patriotic side renewed!

1. i will make it illegal for restaurants to run advertising in cities where they do not have locations! it is cruel and unusual punishment for a tempting baskins robbins or starbucks commercial to run in a town with no way to fulfill those longings. it's criminal. plain and simple.

2. as someone who is in touch with her constituents, i know gas prices are causing struggles for many. do you know what makes it even harder? dragging kids into the gas station to pay! so i'm suggesting a 10 cent off per gallon discount for husbands getting gas for their wives! win/win!

3. i'm really torn on the issue of the death penalty but obviously something severe must be instated with the worst criminals. i propose we make them cashiers at walmart. they obviously are having trouble finding them since there are never more than two open any given saturday. that way we can all get out of there in less than two hours and walmart can still make more money than warren buffet while selling items not even worth their weight in plastic.

4. being that this country is in major debt, it's an issue that must be addressed by any presidential candidate. so i have a ground breaking proposal.. wait for it...

we will no long spend money we don't have. if we don't have it, it will have to be cut from somewhere.

5. it will be a mandatory regulation that tim horton's put the sleeve on hot cups of coffee. no more having to ask every time. as if one time you might want to burn your hand.

6. read my lips: NO NEW CSI'S!

7. theMr would make an excellent first husband. this is not legislation, just fact.

8. no dental procedure would be allowed while the patient is awake. all patients will be put to sleep properly and sent home with good drugs.

9. my cabinet will be composed of my best friend, bethanny frankel, anderson cooper, and dr. drew.

10. the national anthem will be changed to ice, ice baby.

these are just a few of the exciting new changes i have planned! please consider contributing to my campaign in the form of hazelnut lattes and mexican food. it's time for change!

a guest post from the bean!

2012-01-25T08:11:00.000-05:00

Hey, this is the Bean! I've been wanting to do this for a while but haven't gotten the chance. You have heard my life from my mothers point of view, but here is mine..........

The first thing I want to do is show you the top four things I have learned from this blog.

1.My hair is so messy!!!!!!

2.My mother does not like to capitalize.

3.Someone in our house has a name my mom wants to change. (She won't tell
me who though even though I've been nagging.)

4.There is not nearly enough articles about me! (I will have to act up or get a
tattoo or something, jk!)

Here are a seven things you do not know about my mommy:

1.She used to act all the time, like since she was born.

2.When she mentioned her sweats she wasn't lying, she wears them all the
time and they are dead ugly!

3.She's funnier in writing.

4.She's the coolest/funniest person I know

5.She takes a half hour bath every night!

6.She is addicted to reality shows (the Bachelor was on and I was in her way,
so she pushed me!)

7.If you touch her feet she will hit you! Do not touch mom's feet, is a known
around the house!

My life is crazy and usually out of hand but I wouldn't change it for the world! I enjoy reading my mom's blog even though I'm living it! Hopefully I will write again because I enjoy it! (I would love it if you commented!)

<3 Ari

the new rules...

2012-01-24T10:12:00.002-05:00

i like rules. rules make me feel safe. i also like breaking them occasionally, that feeds a different part of me. but that's a whole other post. but in the world of mothering, i think a few rules have been missed. allow me to fill the gap. act accordingly!

10. no mother should ever have a child going through puberty and one potty training at the same time. it's simply too exhausting to be ruining someone's life at the same time you are cleaning up urine on the living room floor.

9. moms can not only take sick days, they can have a certain number of personal days a year. the number directly corresponds to the number of days your husband plays golf. these days consist of massages, lattes and best friends. they are funded by the government. those guys owe us.

8. baby weight will come off faster with each child. i think after five kids it's only fair to not have to work at it.

7. upon becoming a mother, each woman will be assigned a mentor, a manicurist and a housekeeper. the government will cover this one also. they can take it out of their "useless research projects" fund. (you know, the one that paid for the study to find out how long shrimp can run on a treadmill. i'm not joking.)

6. any time a woman with more than one child receives a diagnoses for one of her children involving a prescription, it should automatically come with refills for her other children. when was the last time you heard of anyone having just one kid get pink eye?

5. a chip would be implanted into all father's brains making them super turned on by sweatpants and hairy legs.

4. speaking of body hair, it will now be self-monitoring. you just wake up and it's gone! poof!

3. when your sweet little one is born you will recieve a starter kit that contains infant gas drops, stretchy yoga pants, a GPS chip for all pacifiers and a tiny bottle of vodka for those really rough nights.

2. a long standing rule that i've always adhered to during my own births and those i've attended for friends: no uterus=no opinion. this extends to opinions on epidurals, positions, or any other decision that can come up during a birth. husbands, your job is to stand there and look cute. if we want your opinion, we'll give it to you.

1. lastly, can we just make an all around rule that allows do overs? just yelled at your kid for spilling chocolate milk all over the couch? let's rewind and have a do over. spoke to your husband in a snippy tone because you are so tired? do over. ate a giant piece of cake before bed? do over. couldn't we all use a do over now and again? let's put it in the rules. we'll have the government pay for it.

tell your story...

2012-01-18T15:06:00.003-05:00

i'm looking for guest writers! i'm tired of my own voice. here's your chance to tell your story, whatever it may be! don't feel like you have to be a writer, you have a voice. talk about what ever is in your heart to talk about... just please no politics and no profanity :) leave me a comment, email me, facebook me... you know where i am!

uh....

2012-01-17T10:39:00.002-05:00

i had a tooth pulled yesterday. since i'm a total wimp when dealing with denistry, i complained about it for a good 24 hrs on facebook beforehand. luckily, others share my phobia so i didn't alienate all of my friends. i have a lot so what's one or two here or there? just kidding ;) anyway, today i feel like someone punched me in the side of my head. although i've never been punched in the side of my head so i could be mistaken. which is a fabulous feeling to have when you have a whole bunch of toddlers and babies in your house. surprisingly i don't have any bruising or swelling so my ravishing good looks haven't been compromised. phew.

it's raining and 50 degrees here. in ohio. in january. what the what? i have to send ole al gore a thank you card for this global warming. i love it. someone let me know why i should be upset about this?

i haven't taken any pain meds today because i need to be lucid for the little people. this is me sober. you're afraid now, aren't you?

saturday evening rambling...

2012-01-14T17:57:00.002-05:00

just the presence of this post is a testament to what a smashing social calendar i have... blogging on a saturday night! theMr is working all weekend so it's just me and all of these kids! sometimes i look around and wonder what on earth i was thinking having all of these children. did i never want to live in peace again? then one of them does something sweet like draw a picture of me skinny and my heart is warmed.

have you ever noticed that you can tell a lot about people by what pictures they post on facebook? let me break it down for ya.

lots of cleavage? daddy issues.

no pics of their wife or kids? secretly keeping their options open.

only pics of their kids? gained a lot of weight since high school.

all pics of themselves all the time? i think that's pretty self explanatory!

these are the types of deep observations i come up with in my infinite facebook wisdom. i'm sure you're honored that i shared them with you. how many of you are looking at my facebook pics now to see if i fit into any of these categories?

moving on... i think there should be some kind of law that no mother should ever be potty training at the same time she has a child hitting puberty. it's only fair. you should not have to deal with cleaning up urine while busy ruining someone's life. or so i've heard over the slamming doors. sometimes i just want to look at that teenager and say "don't you know how cool i am? i broke my nose in a mosh pit, dear. (she wouldn't know what a mosh pit is though) i pierced my nose with a safety pin when i was barely older than you! (that one would probably come back to bite me!) i got the whole fifth grade at my elementary school to boycott school lunch in protest of the use of styrofoam trays!" she doesn't care. i don't wear skinny jeans and i have way less tattoos than her dad. i'll never be cool enough. although when i think back to the moms who tried to be cool when i was her age, those ladies were embarrassing themselves. so i suppose it's better to be old and not cool to teenagers than be that mom with a really short skirt on and her eyebrow pierced. know what i mean?

as much as i'm sure you are enthralled by this intellectual repartee, i should probably bathe these kids. sigh...

Mompetition

2012-01-10T09:06:00.002-05:00

if you are a mother, you know what Mompetition is. it's the competition that each of us were unwillingly entered in when we gave birth. from the moment you announced your pregnancy it started. we gain and lose points daily for our parenting skills. the prize? being able to look down on all of your friends for their subpar mothering. the loser? well, we're all the loser here really.

natural childbirth? 10pts.

epidural? -5pts

elective c-section? -10pts

breastfeeding? 20 pts.

extended breastfeeding? 50 pts

having your baby sleep through the night by 6 weeks? 10 pts if your friends are "baby-wise" -10pts if they're attachment.

stay at home mom? +25 pts or - 10pts, depends on your audience.

this is the tip of the iceberg. do you make your own baby food? is it organic?? everyone knows the stuff in the jars means you don't really love your baby! what about cloth diapers? what?? you don't care if the environment is ruined for your grandchildren? how long did it take you to potty train? your kid still wets the bed? fail... fail... fail.

this is the message that moms get every day. from magazines, television, blogs, other moms. only the best moms will do. you need to raise your kids perfectly, make their clothes, make their food, teach them a second and third language, vaccinate or delay vaccinating, breastfeed until they're 4, and don't forget to throw lavish, themed parties for every birthday. oh wait, make sure you get that baby weight off in six weeks, don't miss a manicure and look fabulous while doing it. everybody knows the best mom is a hot mom. on top of all of this, you should relish every moment. smiling and basking in the glow that is motherhood. just like june freakin cleaver.

ladies, this is not only impossible, it's toxic. i read an amazing blogger the other day who posted about not seizing the day. she said it's ok to not be loving every moment of motherhood. it's not always enjoyable! can i tell you how relieved i was to read that? overwhelmingly so. how often i've felt guilt for not enjoying my days more. because, really, what's more enjoyable than sleep deprivation mixed with spit up and stretch marks? just because it's worth it, doesn't mean it's easy. in fact, the opposite is usually true!

we'll most likely never get the media to stop putting these pressures on us.

but we can stop putting them on each other.

we can accept that we have different ways of parenting. we can accept that all children are not the same. we can agree that while we may not all see eye to eye, we all love our children. we can all realize that other moms can either be our greatest cheerleader or our worst accuser. it's our choice. i don't want to compete in the Mompetition. i'll lose. every time. i'm flawed, horribly flawed. those flaws extend to my parenting each and every day. i'm losing points right now! my house full of toddlers are watching dora while i type! so i'm bowing out. thanks for the memories...

facebook landscaping, a top ten list

2012-01-06T08:32:00.004-05:00

did you know that facebook will let you hide people from your news feed? of all of the things technology has come up with THIS is my favorite. i don't want to remove them from my friends (i'm not heartless) i just don't want to read their statuses~ here are a few that are guaranteed to get the boot!

1. facebook eeyore... you know who i mean. they're always sick. something terrible has happened to them everyday. they post sad, depressed posts every. single. day... we all have rough patches. but if every day is one, see a therapist. if only there was a way to "hide" them in real life...

2. the vague- booker... they post things like "i'm so devastated. i can't believe this is happening." and then not log in for three days. all of their friends are worried and asking if they are ok with no response.

3. the "i will post something controversial and end with i don't want to discuss it". i often post things that i know will get a lively debate going. i like a good debate. if you don't want one, keep your posts neutral!

4. the ever-changing relationship status... they're married, they're single, it's complicated, they're in a relationship, all in the same day!

5. the gamer. every status is about how they need a cow for their farm or something. no thanks.

6. the "texter". example? "so excited 2 B goin 2 movie w/ my frds! C U l8R" ... you have a full keyboard. use it.

7. the "i have no boundaries" poster... they may be telling you about their recent marital dispute, their kid's vomit or posting a pic of their afterbirth. their life is an open book and they can't wait to tell you about it!

8. the youtuber. no statuses, only youtube videos. all day, every day.

9. the "i forget facebook is public" poster. "i'm bout to smoke a joint!" "i drove home so trashed last night!" it should be "i never hope to get a job!"

10. anything i have to repost. let me just clear it up once and for all. i support breast cancer, autism, depression, and any other disease research. i love Jesus, America, freedom, soldiers and everyone else. except for people who post statuses that i've mentioned here.

deep thoughts by Za

2012-01-05T17:34:00.003-05:00

as said to me while making dinner...
"mom, this was the best Christmas ever. not just cause of the presents. because we got to eat popeyes, which is my new favorite nice restaurant. and cause we got to go to grandma lisa's house two times. and because we got a tv where we can watch netflix. and also you let us have soda that one time. it was best Christmas ever."

10 things i thought i'd never say, part 2

2012-01-03T13:53:00.003-05:00

remember when we talked about this before? well the hits just keep on coming...

10. "please do not put hot dogs in your pocket anymore."

9. "they are called "privates" because we keep them private. that means keeping your pants on at church."

8." just let her hit you with the wrapping paper roll. it keeps her from whining."

7. "we don't pee in cups. even when someone else is in the bathroom."

6. "from now on you are grounded every time you use my toothbrush."

5. "it's cabbage. it's supposed to smell like trash."

4. "we don't eat gum off the ground. even when it's grape."

3. "it's bedtime."
"mommy the sun it out."
"then it's second nap time."

2. "i think i'm gonna sell all my skinny jeans to buy a steam mop."

and the #1 thing i never thought would come out of my mouth....

"i don't want a piece of pie. i'm not snacking after dinner any more."

top ten of eleven!

2011-12-31T15:54:00.002-05:00

i've been planning to do this all week. it's been a little crazy around here ;) nothing like waiting till the last minute! this would be the top ten highs and lows of 2011!

10. what we not so affectionately refer to as "The Great Lice Fiasco of '11". five kids. five heads of lice. two heads shaved and countless hours of nitpicking later.... they got it again. a total of four rounds of washing everything in the house. three weeks of hell. hopefully to never be repeated!

9. our new van! first vehicle with a/c in 5 years! woo hoo! i never thought i'd be so overjoyed at a minivan. but i still say a prayer of thanks every time i get in it!

8. medical woes x 7! strep throats, hand foot and mouth, ear infections, surgery for me. but no ER visits, no hospitalizations, all minor illnesses. not bad!

7. breaking dawn! i have waited a lot of years to see that wedding. it was every bit as good as i imagined. which is why i had to see it ~~two~~ three times. only 11 months till part 2!

6. the passing of "old papaw". my last remaining grandparent. while we were sad to see him gone, we were rejoicing with him for being reunited with nanny!

5. good business in a bad economy. theMr's side business flourished this year. his best year yet with lots on the books already for 2012. proof that God is so much bigger than our economy!

~the final four are all good. because there was much more good than bad in this year!

4. four weekend trips away for me! january was my first weekend away alone in eight years. it was followed by two trips to the International House of Prayer, a weekend Beth moore conference, a women of Faith conference and a Twi-Moms sleepover! after ten years as a stay at home mom, it was good to find some time for myself this year!

3. the birth of a ministry (and not a baby!). more later on that one :) soon, i promise!

2. the official end of childbirthing. bittersweet for sure. but it was time.

1. the renewal and revival of our marriage. we took a long, brutal road to find it. i wouldn't want to go through it again for anything. but it was worth every tear, every heartache. sometimes in order to make something all it can be, God has to take it back down to the foundation and rebuild. and He did. i will forever be thankful that in 2011 i fell in love with my husband all over again. i eagerly await what is in store for us in 2012.

thanks for reading this year. thanks for caring what happens to our family. thanks for comments and emails and earrings and love. who knew blogging came along with a new "family"? what a wonderful surprise. cheers to 2012! ~theMrs

happy new year

2011-12-29T23:04:00.003-05:00

it's normal to reflect at the close of each year. the highs, the lows, what you want in the coming one. when i try to put 2011 into words, i find myself at a loss. it has been such a monumental year in so many ways. much of which i'm not even ready to express. yet i find myself needing to quantify. it's a trademark at my core. i always need to quantify things. it helps them make sense to me.

it was the year i found my calling.
and lost my last surviving grandparent.

the year that held the first time i thought my marriage wouldn't survive
and the moment i realized it would.

the year we felt the Lord's hand on our lives more clearly than ever
the year we learned what He meant when said He'd never forsake us.

a year that started with questions
and is ending with transitions.

new friends, new jobs, new homes, new cars, new vision.

what will 2012 bring? answers to many of these things... joy, peace, love, happiness, fulfillment, change, growth, renewal, passion, direction and hopefully a bit of grace.

another chance to start again.
to say thank you.
to hold a hand.
to chase a dream.
to move on.
to make amends.
to rejoice.
to LIVE.

at the end of the day, through the extreme lows and the mountain HIGHS, we are still here. we are healthy. we are a family. we are at peace.

that's all that really matters anyway. the rest is just details.

happy new year to you and yours. may you walk in the peace and blessing of your Savior's plan. may your days be filled with laughter and joy, hope and contentedness. may you count your blessings and endure your struggles with the faith that they will pass. may you smile at those who bless you and those who don't. may you find the Lord's favor upon your life.

from our family to yours....

12 days of theMrs Christmas

2011-12-24T13:05:00.005-05:00

12 shatter-proof balls...

11 stocking stuffers

10 christmas toenails

9 lights not working

8 chores not finished

7 moose(es?) waiting

6 snowmen smiling

5 Christmas Quiches!

4 Santas sitting

3 kids snoozing

2 days till Christmas

and a crown on the Christmas tree!

Merry Christmas from theMrs & a Blessed New Year!!

2011-12-23T22:22:00.001-05:00

merry

christmas eve

eve

from theMrs & co.

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2011-12-14T10:41:00.002-05:00

i see a lot of bloggers are sharing their Christmas traditions and beliefs so i thought i'd do the same. i've been in a bit of a slump anyway. i have a hard time writing when i'm really happy. much of my inspiration comes from either irritation or sadness. weird but true. when things are going really well, i don't have much to say! but i digress ;)

i have some particular views on the Christmas season and how it should be celebrated. ( i know, you're so surprised that i would have strong feelings on something, huh?) we choose not to do the whole santa thing. however, a few years ago the big kids decided they wanted to pretend santa is real so they could put cookies out. we were fine with that. as long as they know the truth i don't see any harm in pretend. last year they pointed out that the cookies were really for daddy and the carrots for mommy, lol. i'm also somewhat particular about not making Christmas about receiving gifts. for that reason, i don't allow a list made of what they want. while i don't inherently think there's anything wrong with it, i don't want the focus to be detailing all of the things you want. it's really not what it's about. so we don't do it. i know what they want without them making a list anyway. at our house, each child gets four presents on Christmas morning and one to open the night before Christmas eve (which is always a book). this helps me stay on task and keep it manageable. that's still 20 gifts, not including stockings! i will admit i go a bit overboard on the stockings. i love little gifts. each child gets a new toothbrush, a box of bandaids, duct tape and other misc items in their stocking. last year i couldn't fit it all in!

the night before Christmas eve, we let them open one present. this year we are starting a new tradition on that night of roasting marshmallows over the fireplace and watching a movie! i think they will be really excited about that. they like anything that involves smores... they get that from their mother!

on Christmas eve, we all take a long nap and clean up the house. that evening we celebrate Christmas with my side of the family. i love being in my parents house with all of my siblings. now that my brothers are growing up and off at college and whatnot, it's not often we're all together. it's always fun and there is something about it that makes me feel young :) we eat lots of unhealthy food and open gifts and have a time of worship led by my brother, Tony. we come home and tuck in the little people after they've set out the santa snack. we wait until they're sound asleep and put out the gifts. we don't have any under our tree until then. i think it adds to the excitement to wake up to that. plus i don't have to worry about peeking!

on Christmas morning, the kids wake us up as early as they can get away with. the rule is no earlier than 7! theMr and i get our coffee first while the kids vibrate with excitement. they open their stockings first and then take turns on the others. i give each child a tupperware storage bin to put their presents in as they open them so we don't have to separate after. with five kids it helps keep the chaos to a minimum. afterwards. they take their toys upstairs and play while we relax for a moment. we head to theMr's parents late morning and spend the rest of the day with them. we now have seven grandkids on that side so it's lots of fun. we eat and laugh and open presents and eat some more. by that evening, we are worn out! every year we hope that the kids are going to sleep in the next day but they never do!

what kinds of traditions does your family observe?

school Christmas program...

2011-12-08T10:05:00.003-05:00

Smile and act like you love each other

if you ever want to go home we have to get one good picture

i'll take what i can get!

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

top ten ways you know you are done having children.

2011-12-06T08:37:00.002-05:00

as you know, theMr and i made the decision this year to be finished having children. a lot of thought and prayer went into this choice, only a tiny bit of vodka (just kidding!). we made it official, uh, surgical, this past april. leading up to that point there was always a tiny fear that after all was said and done, i'd regret the decision. that i'd hold a new baby and mourn that i couldn't do it again. well guess what.... not at all! as time goes on, i find myself more and more relieved that i'm finished with that phase of my life. here are just a few ways to know if that's true for yourself...

10. any time you feel even remotely nauseous, you find yourself praying you are coming down with the flu!

9. you purchase bunk beds... for the master bedroom.

8. when holding friends' new babies, you are secretly thinking how glad you are that you can go home and get a full night's sleep!

7. you take great pleasure in getting rid of each piece of baby paraphernalia as your youngest outgrows them.

6. you are mentally calculating how many more episodes of fresh beat band you will have to watch.

5. you find yourself afraid to get to your pre-baby weight because that's when you always end up pregnant.

4. when talking to your doctor about any health issue at all, you suggest a hysterectomy. sore throat... dry skin... allergies... let's remove my uterus!

3. you now find new enjoyment in activities purely based on the fact that you can do them without lugging a baby! tonight i will attend my first ever school christmas program without a nursing baby! you'd think i'm going to a broadway play. i don't even have to take cheerios!

2. you're already looking forward to empty nest syndrome.

1. you begin to appreciate the perks of this new season in your family. planning outings without concern for naptimes, feedings and diaper changes. not needing a highchair. the joys of relationship with older kids. FREEDOM!

no regrets, folks. no regrets :)

love and other things...

2011-12-03T23:10:00.003-05:00

when you're a teenager, you think you know love. you have fantasies of your wedding dress, your honeymoon, taking home your first baby. but as you grow older, you begin to realize that the big moments are such a small part of life. that life is in the details. that love is in the little things even more than the grand gestures. and the longer you are married, the more those little things matter.

love is giving your spouse the last bite of your drumstick cone, the one with the chocolate at the bottom.
love is meeting you at the gate instead pulling up at the baggage claim.
love is rubbing an achy back when you'd rather be watching tv.
love is getting up with the kids even though it's not your turn.

while days like the proposal or the wedding or the first baby are incredible moments, they are only threads in the tapestry of your life. it is the everyday that determines what your life turns in to. when the excitement fades along with the natural color of your hair, all of those minute details become the things we hold most dear. sometimes, it's only after standing on the brink of losing that love, that we realize how precious it truly is. how much we would sacrifice and give and bend and fight to hang on to it. we realize that at the end of the day, we are fallible and human, just like the ones we love. and true love isn't just roses on valentine's day. it's saying i'm sorry even when we think we're right and buying the kind of coffee he likes instead of yours. it's recognizing all of the blesses instead of focusing on the irritations. it's never thinking there are other fish in the sea. it's holding tight to the vows spoken for better or worse, through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live.

top ten gifts NOT to get your wife!

2011-11-29T11:30:00.003-05:00

it's that time of year again! the season when men, with their purest intentions, will purchase gifts for their wives insuring they will not get lucky for the entire next year. i'm gonna help you guys out here. i know you want to get her something she'll love. let me lay down some things to avoid. please... take my word for it.

10. an exercise dvd. she's allowed to think she needs it. you are not.

9. a Victoria's Secret gift card.... come on... who are you kidding? that is not for her!

8. cleaning supplies... unless she specifically asked. which is ironic that i'm including this one as all i asked for this year is a steam mop. but unless she clearly told you that's what she wants, i'd err on the side of caution!

7. something WAY out of your price range. the delight fades in january when she realizes you'll have to spend all year paying it off.

6. nothing. i would think this is obvious (*hint, hint DAD!) but apparently it bears noting. if finances are tough, that's ok. you don't have to spend a lot of money. just make sure she knows that you love her and you tried.

5. a gift you've been wanting. (i'm starting to feel like this post should have been titled "dear dad, stop doing these things") she probably doesn't particularly care if you get her a blu ray player. don't kid yourself.

4. clothes that are way too small. or way too big. either will come back to bite you. (and not in a fun way) when in doubt, take her friend or your mom to help. unless your mom has terrible taste. then don't take her. i'm lucky my mother in law has flawless style.

3. stuffed animals. she's not 5. don't go there.

2. gift cards to restaurants. now i know what you're thinking... she'd love a date night! well you're right, she would. but do you know what a gift card says? i want to take you out, put no planning into it, and have you pay with your christmas gift. if you wanna wow her with a special date night, then make it a surprise and write something in an envelope. plan all of it. (sitter too!)

1. anything that infers that she should cook more, clean more, lose weight, start meditating or get more organized. look closely at your choice and ask yourself: what am i really saying with this gift? because at the end of the day, all we really want to be assured that you love us, that we are the most beautiful woman you know and that you are thrilled to spend another year with us. and we'd prefer you not say that with a new set of tires.

these are a few of my favorite things...

2011-11-25T23:48:00.004-05:00

oh murphy...

2011-11-23T14:28:00.002-05:00

remember when we discussed the murphy's laws of mothering? well i'm about to give you a perfect example. it's the day before thanksgiving, so i have a thing or two to get accomplished. i need to clean the house. i need to do pre-cooking. i'm also making dinner for a friend who just had a baby...

oh yeah, and i have seven kids 5 and under here. let me break that down for you! Two 5 year olds, a 3 year old, a 2 year old, a 1 year old, a six month old and a 2 month old. Six boys and little ole Esme. Can you say time management? So by 1pm i managed to get dinner for my friend completed. the floors swept and mopped. kitchen spotless.

and all seven kids sleeping at one time. the youngest and oldest both sleeping in my living room because i'm out of bedrooms! i'm not gonna lie, i'm feeling pretty proud of myself. i make some lunch and sit down.

and then i hear it.

a chainsaw in my front yard.

my neighbors have decided that today is the perfect time to cut down the tree of theirs that fell in our yard three months ago. perfect.

because nothing says "naptime" like the sound of a chainsaw.

shoot me now.

happy thanksgiving :)

dinner 101

2011-11-20T09:31:00.003-05:00

one of the joys of raising young children is the battle of the dinner table. while the goal is to teach children respect, obedience and good table manners; the process can turn your dining room into world war 3 every single night. in our early parenting years, we took a hardcore stance to eating habits. YOU WILL EAT ALL OF THIS FOOD AND YOU WILL NOT LEAVE THE TABLE UNTIL YOU DO! but like many things in life, parenting is a trial and error experience. so while we still feel the same, we did not like the unintended consequences of the battle. dinner time is one of the only times in a day where we are all sitting together around a table. one of our only times to connect as a family. kind of hard to do when you spend it fighting a two year old to eat green beans! eventually, our tactics evolved into what we do today! our rules are pretty simple, but effective.

1. you will eat what is served to you or you will be hungry. we will not fight with you. we will not try to cajole you or threaten you into eating. you can leave the table when dinner time is over. but you will get nothing else to eat until you finish that dinner.

2. if choose not to eat your dinner at dinner time, you forfeit your snack. even if you choose to eat later. you can come back and finish your dinner any time before bed, but you get no snack. sorry! (for a child that frequently chooses not to, you'd be amazed the effect if there suddenly are some really great desserts! they may not care they're missing out on a regular snack but a few times of something really special and they may change their tune :)

3. no complaining about the food is permitted. it is rude and disrespectful. you will thank the person who made it for you and be thankful to have it. we would never allow our children to tell another person they did not like the food prepared, why should they be allowed to say this to their own mother?

4. everyone eats the same dinner. no exceptions. part of life is learning to adapt and learning to be graceful and respectful in things we don't like to do. welcome to growing up.

5. dinner is not a time to argue. if you choose to whine, complain, argue or any other unpleasant behavior, you will spend the dinner hour in your room. we'd like to eat in peace.

while we certainly have our nights of frustration, for the most part our children are good eaters who eat with manners and no complaint. our dinner table is a much more peaceful place once we decided it wasn't worth the chaos to force children to eat. and with five kids, we'll take all the peace we can get!

i'm baaacckkk...

2011-11-16T14:46:00.002-05:00

sorry for the absence. sometimes i just don't feel like being witty or smart or interesting. i just wanna be blah. nobody wants to read that. we all read that blog that feels pressured to post every day whether they have anything to say or not...
anywho, how are ya? i thought we'd reconnect over a good story of how stupid i am! let's jump in, shall we? yesterday was a rough day. if it could go wrong, it did. by midday, i was over it. so i go to stir our dinner, which i put in the crock pot a few hours earlier, and it's cold. there's no power. the crock pot has shorted out and died. and also blown out half the power in our downstairs. including the fridge and my bedroom.

crap.
i check all of the fuses. nothing.
i flip them all anyway, just in case. nothing.
i mention of facebook that i am going to google electrical repair and to check on me if i don't come back soon. (which prompts concerned phone calls from three different people. thanks for loving me guys, lol)
i learn quickly why electrical repair requires a degree.
i plug my fridge into multiple extension cords and into the living room.
i plug my kuerig in the front room.
i plug my mom's crock pot (which i borrowed and haven't returned!) in the walk in pantry, which is the only functioning outlet in the kitchen.

by the time my dear husband gets home, 9 pm, i'm in our room with my laptop attached to several more extension cords and i've just about had it. i'm freaking out by this point that it will be some huge, expensive repair right before christmas. (not to mention my crock pot, which i can't live without!)

he takes his tools and his flashlight to the basement.
ten seconds go by and it all comes back on.
he tells me (in between hysterical laughter) that i flipped the switches the wrong way.
who would build a house where some fuses go one direction and others go the opposite way??

not this girl.

the first of november

2011-11-01T14:20:00.005-04:00

i like november 1st. do you know why? because it means halloween is over. which means i can stop explaining to people why we don't celebrate halloween. and then explain that i don't think they're going to hell if they do. it gets complicated. and i know that this next part is gonna come as a big shock but.... halloween is an issue that theMr and i don't agree on. i'll give you a moment to digest the fact that we are not perfect and we argue. i know, it's hard to swallow. see i grew up in a "don't celebrate halloween or trick or treat" family. but theMr grew up in a family where halloween was a big deal and they went all out for it. therein lies the issue. what does that mean for us? it means we've both had to compromise. we don't trick or treat. but we do let the kids dress up and attend alternative events. my husband is gracious enough to not push an issue that i feel strongly about, even though it means missing that event with his family. i try not to dwell on the fact that dressing up and getting candy is still awfully close to celebrating for my taste. but my kids look so darn cute in their costumes :)

a beauty queen, a ladybug, a soldier, a princess and buzz lightyear walk into a ~~bar~~ zoo...

even grown up princesses need their daddies...

the title of this picture is "I'VE HAD A LOT OF SUGAR!!!"

one (cold) happy family!

more facebook no no's....

2011-10-28T10:43:00.002-04:00

we've already discussed this. i believe more than once. but people just keep giving me more ammo. i can't help it. i don't make the news, i just report it.

10. let's talk about pictures. here's a few that nobody wants to see: your placenta, your actual birth, your kid's poop, vomit...just to name a few. listen people, i'm a doula. i'm passionate about birth. but i still don't want to see yours on facebook.

9. status tagging. if we're at the park together, feel free to tag me. if you are doing shots and i happen to be at the same location, do not tag me. i don't drink and i'm friends with my pastor on facebook. i'm talking to you tricia ;)

8. don't tell me what happened on shows! i never watch them at the scheduled time. don't ruin it for me!

7. oh my freakin goodness the status updates that i have to repost to prove i love jesus/america/breast cancer/autism/being allergic to junebugs. Jesus knows i love him. i don't have to prove it to him on facebook. as far as those others, if it's an issue close to your heart, be my guest. but don't try to guilt me into it. only 1% of people will repost this....

6. the "you're going to jail/a haunted house/a mental hospital" statuses where you tag your first five friends or whatever. not funny. not even a little bit.

5. when commenting on MY status, could you try to refrain from massive profanity? k, thanks. (see #9)

4. if you want people to stay out of your business, keep it off facebook. i know, i know, we've gone over this. but it bears repeating. often.

3. don't be the eeyore of facebook. i'll just hide you from my wall. stop bringing everyone down.

2. don't post that you keep losing weight because you "forget to eat". i will cut you.

1. STOP SPAMMING EVERYONE! i'm happy for you that you got a free piece of cheesecake or you found out who's looking at your profile. keep it on your own page. thanks.

top ten things the Bible didn't specify

2011-10-18T12:06:00.002-04:00

the Bible has lots to say about marriage and life in general. if you didn't know that, you should check it out. however sometimes it's hard to take things written two thousand years ago and apply them to modern life. (but if you'd like some suggestions on great books that do that very thing email me at themrsanswers@gmail.com!) anywho, i've come up with a few tips that may have been in the Good Book had it been written today....

10. a wise man answers his wife's text messages.

9. a Godly wife works hard to care for her husband and children. she ends her day with reality tv and chocolate, celebrating a job well done!

8. it is better to live with a nagging wife than to sleep in your truck.

7. thou shall not tweet about fights with your spouse.

6. make a joyful noise unto the Lord... just do so quietly when the baby is sleeping.

5. a wise husband thanks his wife for his clean laundry. a foolish husband does his own.

4. you reap what you sow... on facebook.

3. love your neighbor as yourself, even if they have a confederate flag as curtains.

2. on the seventh day, God rested. this does not mean he watched football all day while his wife took care of the kids.

1. treat others the way you would like to be treated. this includes the internet. just because other people can't see you doesn't mean God isn't watching!

**this post is purely for entertainment purposes. it is in no way meant to add/detract from the Bible, nor to offend. if you find it offensive, you should probably stop reading here. **

never judge a book by it's cover...

2011-10-13T15:39:00.003-04:00

it's easy to make snap judgements simply based on appearance.
i find people tend to do that often when encountering a large family.
everyone knows you can't judge a book by it's cover!

this may look like the perfect home to raise a family in...
if only it wasn't a two bedroom, one bath!

you might think this little miss is upset because she is having shots. in actuality, she's angry because her mother didn't let her write on the doctor's office wall with a pen.

this little girl with the big blue eyes looks like an angel, yes?
she's mischievous. and sneaky. beware :)

you may think these two are the best friends, being the youngest in our family.
they fight like cats and dogs. all day long.

is this a male model?
no. it's just theMr.
(there is more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.)

these two look way too young to have babies...
little did they know they were about to do just that!
(a few times over)

it may seem like this child is angry a LOT.
that assumption would correct.

Guest post by my BFF!

2011-10-12T10:20:00.002-04:00

(this is a guest post written by one of my closest friends in the world! she is such an integral part of my life and one of my biggest cheerleaders. i am so thankful that the Lord brought her into my life years ago! and for the record, i tried to find the picture because it's hysterical but no luck!)

Let me start by introducing myself, I am the Miss, friend of the Mrs. There is photographic evidence that we have been friends since we were in Brownie troop #1586 together, though our friendship did not officially blossom until a few years ago. (author’s note: I would have included said picture, but it was before the Mrs. mom found out that you don’t brush curly hair and my own mother thought I was the head double for Rapunzel.) You could sum up our similarities by saying we love to laugh and we both love Jesus.

One of the joys of our differences means that once in a while I get to leave my cozy for one person and a dog place and head to the bustling nest of the Mrs.. She is always cooking something delicious and has even taught me to make a few things myself (I joke that It is her singles ministry). Someone is usually constructing something to climb up on or jump off of. If I stop by at night, the kids, one by one will sneak down the stairs (with a creative excuse) to say hi. They get in “trouble” but I secretly love their little welcomes. Each of her babies has come to mean a great deal to me. I am lucky enough to get to spend time with them and see the people they are becoming.

My first visit to the Mrs.’ home is still something we laugh about often. At the time, there were only three little people on the scene. The Mrs. was busy making dinner (because if you are single she does that) and I was chatting away with her in the kitchen. The princess was the only kid hanging around at the time. She sat across from me at the kitchen table, staring me down, with a grumpy/mean look that would have stopped even the toughest villain from messing with her mama. In truth, she didn’t feel too hot and wanted to be held and loved on. (I remember she was sick because it was the first time I had seen a grown up wrestle a child in the name of cough syrup). She was sad that the Mrs. was too busy cooking some stranger a calzone to hold her. I remember offering to let her sit with me. “You can sit on my lap” I added, “I promise we don’t have to talk”. Much to my surprise, she climbed on up. We didn’t say a word, just sat and cuddled while her mama cooked, and it’s safe to say that we have been buds ever since.

Za was going through a Kelly Clarkson phase at the time. He loved to sing Shrimpin’ and Gone, his version of Since You’ve Been Gone. He also performed a little number called Family Bills, That’s What You’ve Got to Pay (aka Beverly Hills). It occurs to me as I write this, that they must have rationed words in the Mrs. house at the time, because what the princess didn’t say Za more than made up for. The thing I admire most about Za is his uncanny ability to be excited about anything, literally, anything. I wish more people were so thrilled to face the day.

It’s safe to say that Za was known for his high energy level at the time. Regardless, I owe this kid any ounce of pride I have left. Remember, this was the first time I had been invited over (I live out of town). At some point in the evening, the Mrs. snuck out of the kitchen to attend to something else. No problem, I can handle small talk with a confused Kelly Clarkson wannabe. At the time, they also had a giant golden retriever, Goliath, who was probably the closest match to Za’s energy. While the humans in the house welcomed a new friend, the dog of the house had different ideas. As I ran around in a small circle in a ~~relative stranger’s~~ friend’s kitchen, being ~~sexually assaulted~~ aggressively welcomed by the family dog, Za stepped up and chased the dog, who was chasing me, and eventually pulled him off of me. No doubt saving my ~~life~~ reputation as a lady and assuring that I had at least an ounce of hope of being invited back. Za, being the perfect gentleman, never said a word of what happened. He is a good kid. Someone I would want on my team every time.

The Bean was her normal, polite, quiet (only at first) self that night. It wasn’t until later that she let me know that she was a giggling, kind, sharp witted little thing. A few weeks after this first visit, she invited me over for Easy Bake Oven cake. And, while I miss those teeny cakes, I am so glad to have a front row seat to see her grow into this amazing young lady!

A few weeks later, the Mrs. learned that the little guy was on his way. And while it has been a joy to have seen this family grow (and grow) I will always look back to my first visit, laugh, and know that it was the beginning of a friendship, not just with the Mrs. but with her family. I’ve been back since, for no good reason, to drop off some thumbprint cookies, or have a dance off (where someone lost a tooth), to do hair and makeup, to laugh and be loved on. So, Bean, Za, Princess, Little Guy, and Essie, thanks for letting me hang around and keep sneaking down those stairs when I visit after bedtime, I probably brought your mom some ~~Schulers~~ veggies, and that will keep her busy.

a tuesday afternoon rant...

2011-10-11T13:42:00.003-04:00

i should be writing my next motherhood uncovered post. but i'm not. because i'm frustrated and i need to rant. i would like to offer the disclaimer that i'm not trying to argue with anyone's convictions. i'm not against standing up for what you believe in. i just need to get a few things off my chest:

~ i wish thousands of people would march in anger at the 13 million children a year that are victims of human trafficking.

~ i wish that Americans who are so indignant that their health care costs have risen would stop to think of the millions that die every year from preventable diseases due to lack of safe drinking water and simple vaccinations.

~ i would love to see a well planned uprise screaming out against the fact that there are more slaves today than ever in history.

~ i'm interested in hearing why last week few mentioned that while mr. jobs was definitely a genius, his very own company is responsible for such horrible working conditions that employees are asked to sign a non-suicide agreement before hiring.

~ while we're at it, did you know that in a recent interview johnny depp compared being photographed with being raped? do you know why celebrities can say such things? because we'll keep seeing their movies.

~ i'd like to point out that the poorest members of the US are still able to go to a soup kitchen and get a meal, go to an ER and have their lives saved and vote. they are also able to collect benefits for not having a job, send their kids to school without paying a dime and have a free lunch thrown in too. try complaining that you're "forgotten" like that to the people walking hundreds of miles across africa with their dying children in search of water. not health insurance, not better benefits, not higher stock market yields, WATER. for the record, i'm all for those programs.

most of all, i'd like americans to wake up. if you want to take a stand, take it for life. take it for child prostitutes. take it for slavery or famine or drought or sex trafficking. look in the mirror and realize how flippin blessed you are to be born in america. think about that next time you complain that you are having to increase your gasoline budget or pay off your college education (which you knew when you financed it) or spend more on groceries. thank the Lord that you have a gas budget and a grocery store and a college education. and reevaluate. that's all i have to say.

leaving on a jet plane..

2011-10-04T08:55:00.003-04:00

thursday evening i'm heading to the airport... and i'm really excited! my friend Angela and I will travel to the International House of Prayer for an adoption conference. We will be there for three days learning the ins and outs of facilitating adoptions. We hope to return and partner with our local house of prayer and pregnancy resource center to make this happen in springfield. While our passion is multifaceted, our deepest desire is to see the the abortion rate in clark country diminish as women are provided comprehensive adoption support and adoptions are made more affordable for the average household. In 2007 alone there were over 30,000 abortions performed in Ohio. That is an epidemic. As our economy continues to struggle, we must find ways to bring these numbers down in a time where people are feeling increasingly more desperate. The Zoe Foundation is committed to doing just that. And guiding others to do the same in their cities. the basic premise is that the key to lowering the abortion rate is offering better services to birth mothers while also making adoption affordable for normal families. Angela and I are humbled by the opportunity to be a part of this and to serve the Lord in this battle. Would you commit to praying for us?

so the next few days will be hectic for me as i prepare to leave. i'm thankful for a husband that does such a good job when i'm away! i try to have things as prepared as possible so he can enjoy his time with the kids and things will run smoothly. (as smoothly as anything runs in a family our size!) i will miss esme's actual birthdate, which i'm sad about. but she won't know so it'll be harder for me than her! i'm hoping i'll be so busy that day with the conference i won't have much time to think about it!

thanks for being my reader and for supporting me, vocally or silently! thanks for your prayers and for caring enough about my family to take time to read here :)

until next time!

her royal highness turns 2!

2011-10-03T15:20:00.005-04:00

last night we had a birthday party for esme! her actual birthday is friday but i will be out of town. it's the first time in 12 years i've missed one of my kids birthdays! while i know she will have no idea, it still makes me a little sad :( however, what i will be doing is really exciting! (more about that tomorrow!) we had this little get together at our house with our parents and siblings. she loved every minute of being the center of attention! the theme was "esme's favorite things" so we served hot dogs, chips and veggies!

waiting for her guests to arrive :)

she doesn't actually like cake. so she licked the candle and threw the rest on the floor!

she got two babies in a double stroller. she's been taking good care of them and nobody is allowed to touch them but her!

two of my brothers with two of my kids!
(and my brother's sweet girlfriend!)

how many kids do you have?

2011-09-29T12:06:00.003-04:00

parenting is hard. whether you have one child or seven, it's all consuming, exhausting and hard. i frequently have people comment to me that they don't know how i manage five children. while it certainly increases the workload, there are certain truths that occur any time you have more than one child. here are just a few...

~you have to have several children to understand the trouble you're asking for if you let one child carry another child's happy meal from the car to the house. and never, ever, switch the toys. it doesn't' matter that they are the same.

~only a mother of young children can fully comprehend the terror in your heart when you walk into the bathroom and see three sharpie lids... with no sharpies.

~ you can get your body back (for the most part) after one baby. you can even do it after two. but five giant babies? forgetaboutit. your only hope is that you can get your muffin top down to a size that will fit in non-maternity pants.

~ you recognize that quiet children are children making a craft out of tampons and shampoo.

~you also have learned that there is little that a bandaid can't fix.

~ the best babysitter while you clean the bathroom is the bathtub.

~ it only takes a minimum of two kids to fight over the same cup! five kids arguing over one cup will make you want to start drinking at breakfast.

~ the noise level of a home does not simply double with a second child, it rises exponentially.

~ the above is the same for laundry.

~ supersonic hearing. i can now identify five different coughs during the night. my room is on a different floor than the children but i still can tell who is coughing.

~ you can love many, many children with the same devotion as your first. it's hard to believe when you only have one. you can spend many nights during your second pregnancy worrying about it. but fear not, it's true.

the more kids you have, the more strangers will stare at you, give unsolicited advice and judge you. but those strangers could never fathom how full your heart is. even if you haven't caught up on the laundry in six years.

big news!

2011-09-26T06:15:00.000-04:00

hey friends! i have some super exciting news to share with you all! a few weeks back, i was asked to be a staff writer for a new website starting up! it launches TODAY and i'm so excited to be a part of it! an incredible group of women have come together to make this happen and i'm honored to be a part of it. so go over, check it out, tell me what you think! my first post will be up tomorrow! :)

Motherhood Uncovered

parents just don't understand...

2011-09-23T08:42:00.004-04:00

i have to tell you guys something... it may come as a surprise... i am way out of my league on this teenager thing! just when i got comfortable, thinking i'm an old pro at this parenting bit, i get smacked with puberty. half the time i'm not even sure what we're talking about.

"so she was like, i'm totally over this. and i was like, whatever, you are just being ridick. she was like i know, right?"

"um, right on sis!"

"mom, why do you say right on? it makes you sound like a hippie."

alrighty. i knew the day would come that i would be old and stupid. i had no idea it would come at 33. the funny part is that among her friends, we're the cool parents because we have piercings and tattoos and we're much younger than her friends parents. but as far as she's concerned, we're lame. and we don't understand. and we're trying to ruin her life. the job of a mother is never done.

my FAVORITE cell pics...

2011-09-14T13:45:00.006-04:00

i'm a hoarder. not a hoarder of stuff, a hoarder of pictures. i can't delete them. i just can't. which is why i have 300+ on my phone. i think that's too many. possibly why i can't fit more than 50 text messages! i had planned this to be my top ten favorites. but i couldn't cut it down to ten. so it's going to have to be however many it ends up being :)

my oldest and youngest, only weeks after Esme was born. it brings tears to my eyes even still!

punk rock baby!

best friends

my little angel :)

grown up best friends!

they really do love each other

the kids playing dress up with Esme, they dressed her as a "motorcycle guy"

helping each other with chores

two of my favorite guys

she's a star at heart

my little man, when he really was a little man!

9/11

2011-09-11T10:20:00.002-04:00

as today marks the 10th anniversary of 9/11, i find myself at a loss for words. there is nothing i could say that would give honor due to this date. i find myself simply needing to be silent. we will spend the day with our family, it seems a perfect tribute. to hold tightly to those we love. we will never forget the tragedy that unfolded in our country on that day. i am proud to be an American and thankful to our troops for risking their own lives to make this place safe for my children. have a blessed day, all.

just a little trip to the store...

2011-09-09T18:29:00.004-04:00

sometimes i get a little full of myself. thinkin i'm a pretty good mom and i've pretty much got this whole thing under control. rigghhht. that, my friends, is the perfect recipe to be humbled! let me set this scene up for you: i need to make an unscheduled trip to the store, as our home phone died today and i need to replace it. so i'm just gonna run to walmart quickly. now i'm wearing my super comfy sweats, the ones i should never wear in public, because i went to the zoo today with a friend and i wore cute clothes and now i just want to be comfortable. (did you not know i have a quota of how many hours i can wear jeans? i do. it's three) so my thought process here is "it's walmart. everyone will be wearing sweatpants." my three bigger kids (i'm down one kid tonight) are still in school uniforms, so they're good to go. my darling toddler, however, has just decided to lip gloss herself as we're leaving. if you are not aware that lip gloss can be a verb, you've never seen what an almost two year old does with it! so little girlfriend is wearing a super cute outfit and lip gloss on every square inch of her self. i did wipe her hands and face off but i'm just too tired to change her clothes. luckily her shirt is white so it's totally not noticeable.
alrighty.
well, we get there and get the few needed items. but then i make the rookie mistake of walking past the packaged meat section. what? you can walk past that section without issue? well then you don't take esme with you. suddenly she is standing in the cart pointing and screaming "DOT DOG! DOT DOG!!!" like a crazy person. listen, this girl loves hot dogs. as in, it's the only food she'll really eat other than honey buns. we're really into the healthy food kick over here. i seriously have to limit her to one "dot dog" a day. so she is standing in the cart (because God forbid walmart have carts with working seatbelts!) with her dirty shirt and only one remaining pigtail having a religious experience over seeing so many hot dogs in one place. it's like her mecca. she loves them that much. suddenly, a woman approaches me. she looks like your typical walmart shopper. (i'm gonna leave it at that as not to offend anyone...)

and says "she shouldn't stand in the cart. it's not safe."

well thank you kind stranger! this is actually my first child and i had no idea that was frowned upon! all this time i've been letting her do tricks in grocery carts and live on hot dogs! i thought that was what parenting was all about! these other children? they're not mine. i borrowed them to make my grocery experience more interesting!
as we walk away it dawns on me....

i'm such a mess people in walmart feel led to advise me on my parenting.
i believe we've hit a new low.

Home is where you...spend all of your money

2011-09-03T22:50:00.006-04:00

i'm not sure if i've ever mentioned it before but we live in a 110 year old victorian house. it has beautiful original woodwork, two gorgeous fireplaces, a wrap-around porch... and it's a total money pit. if it can fall apart, it has. in our ten years here we have replaced the kitchen and bathroom plumbing, put in a new furnace and hot water heater, torn up most of the carpet and refinished the floors, converted the formal dining room into a master bedroom, put up a privacy fence around the huge yard, and remodeled the kitchen and bathroom. in between having five kids. this house is a continuous project that is never done. people tend to have the (incorrect) assumption that since theMr is in general contracting, it's easy for us to do all of these things. however, he never has time to do the work around here because he's always working! some days i think it would be easier to just hire someone else and have it done! for example, last week the pipes under the sink busted and all the water was pouring into the cabinet, flooring and into the basement. so he pulled it all out and replaced it (for the third time). he finished just in time to shower for work. then he remembered that he'd forgotten to put the screen door on the back door back on after moving in the new refrigerator. so he quickly did that. he rushed upstairs to take a quick shower, only to realize the hot water handle in the shower had broken off. so he had to go back down two flights of stairs, get all of his tools, fix it and then take a shower. making him almost late for work. this is typical in this house! a tiny nail hole in plaster is soon a baseball size hole. one leaky pipe becomes all new plumbing in the bathroom. it's the nature of owning a really old house.

i have a hard time looking around and only seeing what still needs done, instead of the big picture. what's the big picture?

a home is where your family is, in whatever condition that may be.

when i see this fireplace, i see it as the one that can't be used until the gas line is repaired. but my kids see it as the one where i take their picture every christmas!

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action.
~Mother Theresa

this sidewalk is cracking and old and in need of repair. but to Aliyah, it's where she plays hopscotch :)

He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

the yard. with a big hill to mow, neverending weeds to treat and too much shade for decent flowers... or where we practice our modeling poses!

Basically, I believe the world is a jungle, and if it's not a bit of a jungle in the home, a child cannot possibly be fit to enter the outside world.
Bette Davis

the glass in this window has been broken and replaced twice. but to Esme, it's where she watches the neighbor's big "dog dog"!

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
Martin Luther

the tile on this fireplace is coming loose and keep having to be glued on. but sits right next to a chair where many stories have been read :)

Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

and this chair just happens to be under the ceiling that fell down a few weeks ago and must be completely replaced. but it's still the place to cuddle with dad before he goes to work :)

Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.
Christian Morganstern

this porch is officially sinking and also needs completely torn down and rebuilt. but it will always be the place where four children have had their "first day of kindergarten" picture taken.

with all of it's faults and headaches, my home is perfect because it's where my family is.

A house is built of walls and beams, a Home is built with love and dreams.

Guest post on grace!

2011-09-03T14:33:00.002-04:00

time for another guest post! this is written by friend Misty, who has lots to say (and lots worth hearing!) she's currently on "couch-rest" recovering from surgery so what else does she have to do?

I am a bit narcissistic. I think we all are, the difference is I know I am, and I know why I am. Throughout most of my life I have felt like a big disappointment, like I have always been letting someone down. Maybe it's because I have always been selfish, or maybe it's because I didn't know what I needed to do to make someone happy. It's not that I am a people pleaser, it's more along the lines of I need to make a difference in the lives of those around me.

I don't think I am alone in this. I think all people have an innate need to be a positive influence in the lives of those we love the most. We all want to be remembered for being good people, and for making others feel loved. I can't say, I have ever met a person whose goal was to make others feel lousy, though I am sure I have in my need to make myself feel like a better person. (this would be my ego getting out of control and reflecting what a fool I can be.)

So how can we be sure that we are making a difference in the lives of those we love most? How can we be sure to be a positive reflection of God's love within us? It's really not that hard.

Have you ever taken time to tell the people you love why you love them? Riddle me this. How often do you wake up or come home and feel like an utter failure as a person? Like all you have done is brought others down? I feel like that all the time and honestly this feeling is completely curable.

Tell someone you love them, and tell them why.

This is biblical. God advises us to take our talents and use them to bring them closer to Him, but do you know what your talents are? For some people it's obvious. I have friends with great pipes that can draw person to the Lord through worship. I have other friends who can preach. I have other friends who can write. These are talents that are pretty visible. But what about those, that are often celebrated or put to use in church? Things like our character. Things like our words, or how we act, or parent, or the way speak to others, or make contact? These things aren't always reflected or used in the church actively, or showcased. And sometimes we don't even know that we have those talents.

It's our job as Christians to point out those talents and tell people that those skills bless us, and that who they are makes a difference and it's the easiest way to love people known to man. It doesn't require any grant talent, money, or skill. Just the time to take write a quick note, a text, or a phone call and tell someone why who they are makes a difference.

Example.

I have a friend who is an incredible father. It really blesses me to hear him talk about his kids. He doesn't say I love them in his sentence, but the glow he gets when he discusses them that says it. I love hearing this conversation. He's man of God and he understands the gift our children are. He showcases his love and responsibility towards his kids by making them a priority in his life. Whether it be by reserving an hour of his time each day to spend with them to making sure he is present at events his kids request his presence. As a person who grew up without a father, this touches my heart in so many ways and actually helps heal some of the loss I deal with that hurts to this day. Knowing and seeing someone visually and verbally invest in his kids helps me see how God has designed each of us to love our fa milies and to place priority on them in our lives and by being able to share how this man's actions blesses me, encourages him to continue to pour to into his children and shows him where God has given him a great talent.

I have another friend who has an incredible gift of kindness. Whenever I am around her, she treats people with an incredible amount of love and respect. There are people in our lives that I know who have done incredibly crappy things, but she still loves them and forgives them. Her ability to extend grace beyond my understanding Christ like and allows me to see how God forgives me many errors in my personality and actions despite how often I screw up and fall on my face. There are times when I want to pass judgment on others and write them off, but this person shows me through her words and actions that we must forgive others for their transgressions and look deeper for what causes those mistakes - because we are human, and need others to forgive us when we fall.

It takes ten seconds to tell someone why you love them and the difference they make in your life, and encourage you do it and do it often. Help the ones you love the most grow and maintain their talents. You will be making a difference in their life and helping them continue to make a difference in others. We all need to know that who we are makes a difference - and the first step in this is love thy neighbor first.

Blessings to all of you!

top ten reasons it's probably a good thing you're done having children!

2011-09-01T18:00:00.002-04:00

ladies (and gentlemen~) i'm tired. really, perpetually, constantly tired. part of it is not getting enough sleep. part is having a job and five kids. part is getting old. ( i know i'm only 33, but i'm pretty sure my body is older!) eh. anyway, lately it's become clear to me that it's probably a good thing i'm done with my childbearing years. these are just a few...

10. my one year old is on her third hotdog today. and i'm not really concerned about that. at least i bought the healthy(er) ones.

9. while in the waiting room for my OB/GYN yesterday, i looked at all of the pregnant woman and thought how happy i am that i will never again have to hold a toddler while being checked for dilation.

8. i've discovered pioneer woman's iced coffee recipe, which is so strong that it would probably cause premature balding on an unborn child.

7. i become ridiculously angry when awoken in the middle of the night now.

as in "mommy, i had a bad dream."
"wake up your dad"

6. i can go away all weekend and nobody is counting on me to feed and/or pump for them.

5. i don't have to worry when getting romantic that i'm going to leak milk.

4. i don't have a baby screaming in a crib for me to get them every morning.

3. i only have to show medical professionals my lady business once a year now.

2. i actually have conversations around what field of work i'd like to get back into.

1. we have a 7 seat van. any more children and someone has to be strapped to the luggage rack. i'm pretty sure that's illegal.

now that i'm getting a tiny taste of freedom as we pass through the baby stage for the last time, it's wonderful! i thought that there would be a twinge of sadness but... NOPE! i heard a quote the other day that i love...

"i'm willing to love my children with all of my heart but not all of my time." exactly.

Guest post on marriage!

2011-08-29T13:41:00.003-04:00

today's guest post is from an insightful source! jeff and jill williams are the founders of grace and truth relationship education. they have written many articles along with coaching and counseling married couples around the world. besides all of that, i consider them friends and have supported me with wisdom and guidance at the hardest points of my marriage. you can read more of their reflections at their blog. i'm excited to share this with you today. any time i open up a post for questions, i inevitably get the most about marriage. i try to share what ever bits of wisdom i've picked up along the way but i'm honored to be able to offer some expert advice :)

Loving Listening: The #1 Way to Avoid (or heal) Pain in Marriage

Jeffrey J. and Jill A. Williams

Listening from a heart of love accomplishes more than any other single coaching skill to convey care, build trust and soothe ruffled feathers. It is how Jill and I strengthen the bond of our marriage, and sometimes it is sufficient to repair it. I can’t count the times that we have effectively managed an emotional and potentially damaging conversation by slowing down to simply listen to each other in love. Loving listening is also the first skill check for with couple we coach to help them effectively manage the content of their challenges.

Consider one of our recent conversations as an illustration.

“I hear you saying that you are disappointed by how things went between us last night after supper?” Jill asked as a reflection on my frustration that our shared plan for a quiet conversation under the stars didn’t happen. Because she reflected my message in her own words with a sincere tone I was willing to share more. “Yes. I’d been looking forward to some relaxed time alone with you after our full day of activities. So when you started doing yet one more task I interpreted that you didn’t care about us having some time alone.” Jill reflected this and I continued to share because I felt like she cared and wanted to understand my perspective. After a few exchanges we shifted positions. Jill shared and I listened. Eventually we hugged and prayed. Prolonged painful conflict had been avoided by respectful listening to each other’s hearts from our hearts.

Consider how many wrong turns we could have made if one of us didn’t take the initiative to listen.

If she shared her feelings before hearing mine. “You were frustrated! I was frustrated!
If she would have minimized my feelings, “Oh come on. We’ve had lots of time together alone recently. Is it really that big of a deal?”
If she would have focused on a part of my message or changed the focus from my feelings to hers. “You knew I had to get that task done before I could relax. By the way, did I tell you…”

The skill of listening is easy to teach and fairly easy to do (reflect what you heard the speaker say in your own words). But it is the heart of listening that poses a challenge because it is not something that any of us can create or sustain in ourselves. The heart behind every Christian Coaching skill is the heart of Jesus, whose heart is love.

Consider the definition of love in action from I Corinthians 13 (The Message):

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Let’s use this passage as a measuring stick for what loving listeners do:

They patiently persevere in trying to understand their spouse’s thoughts, feelings and desires.
They care more about what their spouse is saying than their own thoughts and feelings.
They keep the focus on what their partner is saying rather than interjecting their own thoughts and feelings.
They trust God to work through their listening.

Loving Listening is an essential skill for every marriage. Therefore, it is important that Marriage Coaching couples have it in their toolbox and that they are able to model it authentically with information from their own life. Such modeling demonstrates the effectiveness of this simple skill in a way that couples can relate to.

Loving Listening Assessment

On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate yourself as a loving listener?
How would your spouse rate you? Would you be willing to ask her/him?

If the answer is less than 10, but greater than zero then something good is present in your listening AND it can get better.

Which is stronger for you, the skill or the heart of listening?
What do you think you can start or stop doing, or do more/less to convey your loving heart through your listening?
What do you hope for as results of improvement as a loving listener?

As a way to seal what you have learned or decided from reading reflect on the following:

What do you anticipate in your _____________ (marriage, family, friendships, ministry, Church, business) as you become a more loving listener?

Jeff and Jill Williams write and speak about Marriage Coaching. Together they privately coach couples and train groups of couples that want to coach marriages through a series of tele-classes that are accessible for any couple (globally) with a phone and internet connection. They have trained couples in seven countries and 22 states. Write to Jeff.gtre@gmail.com, Jill.gtre@gmail.com or call 937-717-5591.

sigh...

2011-08-28T22:24:00.002-04:00

i'm a little disgruntled tonight. brace yourselves. it's 9:30 and my whole household is asleep. i'm wandering around blogs, both those i read and new ones. i've seen everything from breastfeeding 6 year olds to talking to your elementary aged son about shaving your lady business to pictures of dead babies. for real. what are people thinking?? this is the internet. not a private chat with your best friend. come to think of it, even my best friend would be appalled if i told her i'd just discussed female hygiene with my five year old son. hopefully she would set me straight! do you think the kids of these bloggers will some day look their mothers in the eye and say "why did you tell the world that?!" as a mom of an almost teenager i'm more and more cautious about what i tell on my blog. while i love to have a chance to journal our day to day experiences, i don't want my kids to look back and resent the intrusion. i don't want them to feel their privacy was invaded. there are moments that should remain personal.
i understand the desire to take photos of your deceased baby. i don't understand putting them on the web for all to see.
i understand believing in being open with your children. i don't understand talking to a young (male) child about feminine hygiene. (then blogging about it!)
i understand the need to vent if your husband had an affair. i do not understand the need to hash every private detail to your readership of thousands. details that your (teenage) children never needed to know about their father.

boundaries, people. let's work on some boundaries!

Ask theMrs: keeping the spark and holding it all together!

2011-08-21T11:34:00.003-04:00

it's time for another edition of ask theMrs! let's jump right in!

our first question comes from facebook:

This Wednesday marks my 13 year anniversary with my employer. I'm currently working towards my degree and I need words of encouragement! Since I have started I have managed to get straight A's all while working full time, a full time relationship, managing our household,experiencing my own motherhood with the little one, etc..... I am finally in my HR Mgt class and I feel that I have put way too much pressure on myself to maintain an A in this class. Why? Well because I've been working in HR for 13 years!! I'm doing great on all my assignments, but struggling with my open book tests. Yes, I said open book. I have never been a good test taker and I think I am putting way too much pressure on myself. Please offer me any words of encouragement.

well first off all, let me say Bravo! to be juggling all of that, well, is quite an accomplishment! i had a baby and full time job when i was getting through college also and i still look back and have no idea how i did it! it sounds like you are managing your time well and handling things great! i struggle with the perfectionist side too. here's the deal though: in the real world, nobody will ever know what your grades were! they won't even care about your GPA. all they see is that you have that degree. so making yourself crazy over one class is just not worth it. you know that you earned that degree and you will have the piece of paper to prove it. that's all that matters! so take a deep breath, do the best you can and don't sweat the rest. it'll all be over soon! and when you graduate? buy yourself a really sexy pair of shoes as your reward ;)

this question came in via email:

My husband and I have been married for 16 years and we have a 2 year old. We're currently in a lull in our relationship and just can't find the time for us. He's teaching so he has no choice but to bring his work home with him and by the end of the day I'm exhausted. How do you find time alone with your husband with 5 kids?

this is a really good question. it's one we're constantly evolving and working on! no matter how many kids you have, they are time suckers! add to it careers and outside obligations and it's easy for marriage to take a backseat. the only way to avoid this is to consistently put your marriage first. even before your children. here's what that looks like: schedule time for each other. just like you would an appointment. we do a weekly date night. we have to work hard to have the money and time for it but it's totally worth it. another thing is a good bedtime routine for our kids (and early bedtimes!) so we have time together at night! that means NO kids coming downstairs, no distractions. now this doesn't mean we're sitting having deep talks every night. some nights i'm reading while he watches a movie. but we try to be in the same room, on the couch or whatnot, at least cuddling. even for you two to sit together on the couch while he works will help bring closeness. he also has to be willing to set boundaries for how/when he works. even for you both to decide that after your toddlers bedtime there is no more working. that time is reserved for you. we try to at least have a 20 minute conversation at that time about our days and anything else before the tv or computer come on. just to connect. it's hard to do that deeply in the day to day, which is why we instituted weekly date night. lastly, another important component to keeping the intimacy while raising young kids is to have sex often. i know that seems funny to say but the more often you have sex, the closer you will feel. now don't get me wrong, i understand the tiredness that comes with young children. and how hard it is to feel sexy at the end of a long day cleaning up bodily fluids and wiping bottoms. but if you want to still like your husband when all the kids are gone, this is important. so take a hot, relaxing bath, put on something cute and not flannel and throw yourself into it. the interesting thing about sex is the more you have it (even if you really weren't in the mood) the more you'll want it. i would even challenge you to have sex every day for the next month and see how you feel. it just might surprise you ;) one great resource off the top of my head i can suggest is checking out the website raw reflections from the journey. this couple specializes in marriage enrichment and give some awesome advice. they also have a book coming out that i think will be great called "coaching your own marriage". i hope i answered your question!

if you have a question you'd just love answered, email me at themrsanswers@gmail.com!

where's Al Gore when i need him?

2011-08-19T10:03:00.002-04:00

sometimes my ideas for this blog just come to me in the midst of my daily activities. call it divine inspiration. sometimes i simply have a question i'm asked to i answer. other times, all i have to do is read the news. where i'm enlightened by an article titled "aliens may destroy humanity to preserve civilizations". i'm not joking. i could not make this up people. this is what they said:

" reducing our emissions might just save humanity from a pre-emptive alien attack, scientists claim. Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth's atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control – and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain."

wow. all this time i've been worrying about rising fuel costs and the debt ceiling and whether hormones in meat are causing my kids to mature too early. i hadn't even thought about global warming making us a target for alien life! geez! it's like i'm living in my own alter reality. thinking i'm safe from alien invasion even though i don't own a prius. well i've learned the error of my ways. i'll never again be so blinded by ignorance. i've learned several important lessons from this article!

1. it's a slow news day when alien invasion is a real concern.

2. if aliens do invade, i'm picturing theMr in a sexy air force uniform kissing me goodbye before saving the earth...

3. the government has too much money on their hands if this is the kind of research they're funding. how about we throw some of that money towards the debt, huh?

4. on a conspiracy note: was this research funded by prius????

in all seriousness, this is what our government is spending our tax dollars on? while millions are jobless and without medical care and losing their homes? they actually formulated a plan depending on what kind of aliens invade. how about a plan for the unemployment rate? how about a plan to help regular people keep their homes? how about a way to keep our excellent health care without going bankrupt? as opposed to making a plan of attack for something we don't even know exists, let's work on the plan for all of the catastrophes that already are. better yet, take all the money spent on such research and donate it to one of the many groups seeking to aid those starving in East Africa right now. instead of worrying about aliens, let's worry about the thousands of children who will die of starvation today. and politicians wonder why we're no longer listening.

10 things i miss from my prebaby days...

2011-08-17T14:49:00.004-04:00

i hear people reminisce about the things they miss from their pre-parenting days. things like going out and partying (not nearly as fun as your memory is telling you it was!) or sleeping in (that is all it's cracked up to be!). i love being a parent and wouldn't trade it for the world, but i will admit there are a few things i do miss from the good ole days! just to name a few...

10. matching socks. why did my socks match then? i had no preteen or husband stealing them because they couldn't find their own.

9. not having enough random food in my car to feed all of ethiopia. seriously. as in "are you hungry? may i offer you half a nutrigrain bar, a partially sucked on sucker and 24 french fries?"

8. not having quiet sex.

7. uninterrupted phone conversations. i'm pretty sure the customer service people at my mortgage company think i either have 13 kids or i'm running a primary school over here. that would account for the noise level every time i have to call them.

6. never watching playhouse disney. ever.

5. opening the fridge to find the foods i purchased still there. that one would actually require me to go all the way back to pre-husband times. is it too much to ask to not have an entire box of drumsticks gone in 24 hrs?

4. only being responsible for washing my own clothes, which would account for approximately two loads of laundry a week. as opposed to the two a day i have to do now.

3. never having to share a bath towel.

2. my old body. sigh... my old body... i barely even remember it.

1. simply being able to do things when i want to without tons of planning and coordinating first!

even after all of these things, my life now is so much better now. while my memories may be romanticized, i was lonely. i was lost, trying to find my way and where i belong. i've found it.
i belong right here :)

Ask theMrs!

2011-08-11T16:20:00.005-04:00

it's time for our first ever edition of Ask theMrs! i have lots of interesting questions coming in... you guys are gonna keep me on my toes! so let's just jump right in!

From Facebook:

what is the single most difficult thing you've had to deal with as a parent? I'm pretty much asking: what's the worst thing one of your kids has done and did the punishment fit the crime?

i didn't have to think too hard on this one! without sharing things that will make my kids hate me when they grow up, i'll try to explain. one of my children learned to walk really early. like as in at 7 months. this same child could climb out of their crib and unlock doors by a year old. not a good time! so i spent the first several years trying to simply contain him in the house. we tried every kind of lock you can imagine and nothing worked. i lived in a constant state of fear over this, going so far as to not let others babysit out of fear that they wouldn't supervise well enough. all of this came to a head when, at 2 years old, he managed to get out of three locked doors and sneak out of the house while we were sleeping. resulting in me calling the police, them finding him and me nearly having a nervous breakdown! to answer your question: the punishment was a bedroom door that locked from the outside. so i'd say YES! it fit the crime.

What I want to know is...how do you get so many people to fall head over heels in love with you?!?! lol Seriously, you seem to have so many people who love you and so many close relationships and somehow you make them all feel that they are your best friend. What is your secret? It seemed I only had time for one relationship like that and she moved to FL. And because I am at home with the kids it isn't like I have time to meet very many people. Seriously I need like a step by step guide on how to make new friends and not just acquaintance friends but friends who can see you without your "mask" and love you anyway.

i'm going to try to do this justice because it is a really good question. i feel like i should say thank you? yet that seems odd? i don't know so i'm just gonna move on and answer. i think being a stay at home mom of young kids is probably the hardest season to make friends. it's not like we have tons of time to reach out to people and have deep conversations! that being said, it's totally possible with some work. one of the things that hindered me in this area in the past was being too closed off with myself. i'd been hurt too many times, especially by female friends, so i never really put myself out there. i came to a point where i realized i have to let people in. even knowing that inevitably i will sometimes get hurt. i guess the way i try to have good friends is to be a good friend. here's what i mean: at the end of the day, what most of us need most is love. and most people are not getting it nearly as much as they need it. my heart is to encourage people and simply love them, whether they reciprocate or not. so if i see a post on facebook and think "i love her!" i will tell her, right away! or if i'm in a store and i see a cute keychain that i just know someone would love, i get it and mail it to them with a little card. i try to find ways to show the people in my life that i love and appreciate them. because really that's what people need the most. some people return it tenfold. others don't. but that's ok too. some people just don't have it to give, but they still really need to receive it. now on the flipside, i'm not the easiest friend always either! i'm feisty and moody and opinionated and very difficult to deal with at times. my friends have to put up with a lot. thankfully they see through those things and love me anyway :)

as for finding friends, you have to get out there, as hard as that is. whether you join a mom's group or women's ministry at your church or a zumba class or whatever. and when you do that, be yourself, 100%. those that love you will love the real you. those that that don't? you don't need anyway!! good luck :)

and our last question for the day, from a dear friend on facebook:

how do you deal with babysitting two boys who are so much smarter and better looking than your own childrens? how do you explain to your kids that you love them but they will always be inferior to the specimens of perfection they see every day?

i've never dealt with this, so i don't have a good answer. but i suppose if i was in your position, i'd just ask theMrs' kids to go home so your kids don't feel so bad!

thanks for all of your submissions! if i didn't answer your question, i will next time!

please keep sending in your questions! theMrsanswers@gmail.com

Ask theMrs!

2011-08-08T18:08:00.003-04:00

i'm getting a little bored with my blog lately. things have gotten too serious around here. it's never a good sign when your own blog bores you! so i'm introducing a new feature... wait for it.... Ask theMrs! think "dear abby" (which consequently, is my real name!) meets loveline... dr. spock meets dr. sears... dr. phil meets oprah.... ok, i'm getting a little ahead of myself! you can ask me anything you want and most likely i'll answer! want to know how to potty train early? how to keep the spark in your marriage? how i managed to graduate high school english with my aversion to capitalization?? here's your chance! i'll throw this in every so often as i recieve questions. you can reach me in one of three ways:

leave a comment in a post (with your name or anonymous!)

~ on facebook, if you are my friend IRL

~ or by email @ themrsanswers@gmail.com!

true confessions: vacation edition

2011-08-01T20:55:00.005-04:00

it's been quite awhile since we had some true confessions! what are true confessions? all of those things you are thinking but never want to say... but i do! let's not hold back here!

we just returned from our mini vacay. we spent four days traveling around the midwest visiting museums, family and friends. we went to a children's museum, a family wedding and spent a night with my best friend. however, this trip meant lots of driving, lots of time in hotels, and trying to keep things semi normal for five kids in lots of new environments. which brings us to our confessions...

~ 7 people in a hotel room is not a good time. it's really not. we stayed in a nice hotel in downtown indianapolis the first night. the kids were super excited and bouncing off the walls. i thought that after a full day at the museum, swimming and a filling dinner, they would pass out. nope. the baby was a mess. standing in her pack and play screaming like it was the apocalypse. the other kids were fighting over space, blankets and any thing else they could possibly think of. and i was ready to visit the hotel bar. good times.

~ i realized when we returned that my little kids hadn't had a bath in four days. and i told myself it was ok since they swam every day.

~ her royal highness does not like car rides. so she responds by screeching as loud as she can until she falls asleep. i'm not gonna lie. i was really wishing i had some kind of medicine that would knock her out.

~ all day at the children's museum i saw parents glued to their phones, totally ignoring their kids. and it made me really mad. interact with your flippin kids. put your phone down and be present. someday you just might look back and realize you missed it.

~ i may or may not have snapped at some kid who was picking on esme. he kept pushing her hand off anything she touched and telling her no. he was probably 7. i think i scared him. i don't feel the slightest bit guilty about it.

~i got a little choked up at the barbie exhibit! it brought back so many happy memories from my childhood and i was happy to go through the exhibit with my own daughters.

~ i hate public pools and try my hardest not to get in them.

~ i spent the last 24 hrs of the trip counting down the moments until we got home and i could get away from all of these people.

~ i need a vacation of my own to recover from the one with the family!

am i mother of the year or what?

10 things your husband wishes you knew about him...

2011-07-24T15:42:00.002-04:00

we talked the other day about what we wish our husbands knew about us. well that door swings both ways! while i've never actually been a husband, i have managed to hang onto one for 11 years (barely :) i've learned a few things from him and i asked a few really great guys i know. so here goes... (guys, feel free to chime in if i'm off base here!)

10. they're not as complicated as we make them out to be. they usually meant exactly what they said. if he says he's fine, he probably is! stop trying to analyze everything!

9. jokes about size are never funny. ever.

8. the game really is that important.

7. threatening to call your father in law to fix something in order to motivate your husband is sneaky and manipulative. (but it totally works!)

6. men need to be told they are attractive just as much as women do.

5. men will usually do just about anything to make their wives happy... if we would just let them know what exactly it is that will accomplish that!

4. when your husband sees you naked, he's most likely not seeing your stretchmarks or love handles. he's seeing his wife naked. he's not going to really notice all those things unless you are constantly pointing them out!

3. sex for a man is a need, not a want. and they do not have to be "in the mood". they're always in the mood. if they're not, check to make sure they are breathing! here's the kicker: women need to feel close their husbands to want sex. men need sex to feel close to their wives. a really good way to deepen your intimacy with your husband is to have more sex. even if you don't feel like it. you won't regret it ;)

2. even more than love, they need respect. they not only want to be treated with respect at home but publicly. we've all been around that couple where the wife talks to her husband like he's a mentally challenged 7 year old. not a good way to stay married!

1. good men are hard to find and many women don't realize they already have one. instead of comparing your man to someone else's (and always letting him know where he falls short!) practice appreciating him for who he is. and tell him. often. he'll love to hear it. just like you do!

10 things your wife wishes you knew...

2011-07-21T17:52:00.002-04:00

it's 103 degrees here in lovely ohio. it's wonderful, truly. we went swimming today and it was almost too hot for it. too hot for swimming. what the fudge round? anywho, i was thinking about all of the things that we, as wives, wish our men already knew about us. without having to be told. or reminded. or nagged. this list is in no way comprehensive. just the tip of the iceberg really!

10. while we are cooking dinner is never a good time to start groping us. it doesn't make us feel sexy. it makes us want to kick you. but we're trying to teach the kids not to be aggressive. so stop it. same goes for when bathing a child, doing laundry or nursing a baby. that last one is totally a conflict of interest.

9. never, ever tell us how your mom does something. whether it's a good or a bad thing. just don't.

8. if you would like all of the parts of your body to remain attached to your body, never refer to anything housekeeping related as "our job".

7. foreplay? try mopping the kitchen. that's a good start.

6. we need to be told we are beautiful, often. a general rule of thumb is the more babies= more compliments. an example of a compliment gone wrong? "look honey! your thighs almost don't rub together anymore!" (yes, i've actually heard that one) on the flipside, husbands like to hear it too ladies! look impressed any time he takes his shirt off. it's only fair!

5. pretty much any time you start a sentence with "smell this..." my answer is gonna be NO.

4. letting the kids destroy the house while allowing us to sleep in is not really helping us in the end.

3. a victoria's secret gift card for our birthday is not a gift for us. who are you kidding?

2. always act like you'd rather spend time with us than your friends, even if it's not true. we'll give you the same respect.

1. "honey, my back is killing me. can you give me a massage?" is not code for "try as hard as you can to have sex." and when we say that to you, it is not code for "try even harder" or "try after we fall asleep". just thought you should know that.

some word i need to say...

2011-07-17T13:21:00.002-04:00

when i was a little girl i used to watch the donna reed show on nick at night. i always imagined that was what my life would look like when i grew up. i would meet my husband at the door in heels with a cocktail every day. we'd laugh at the shenanigans our children would get into with a knowing smile. all of our problems would be wrapped up into a neat little bow and life would be relatively easy. i'm not sure why i thought that. it certainly didn't reflect my own household. my parents divorced when i was only a baby and my mother and stepfather spent most of my childhood trying to stay married. they are happy now, but growing up was a different story. my biological father was an addict who occasionally strolled into town to cause more havoc than anything else. i don't want to give the impression that it was all bad. my mother loved me with a devotion and completeness that i only hope to replicate with my own children. she raised us with patience, discipline and a desire to love Jesus. i'm just saying i never had a picture of a healthy marriage.
my husband, on the other hand, grew up with a pretty typical middle america life. his parents are still married, they love each other deeply, they raised their kids to the best of their ability and there was no major traumas in their upbringing. even still, we entered marriage as flawed beings. it became apparent early on that the donna reed show was not happening. we struggled through those first few years. we managed to seek wise counsel, work hard on our marriage and come through better. we spend the next five or six years pretty blissful. we had our minor issues but mostly it was smooth sailing. then a few years ago everything changed. in a span of two years we faced an three unexpected deaths, an unplanned baby, a catastrophic medical emergency, severe depression, near financial ruin, among other things. all while raising a large family. needless to say, our marriage suffered.

we became people who put up with one another "for the sake of our children".
people who slept separately.
people who were drowning under the weight of things left unsaid.

i found myself resenting that my happy ending was turning into a nightmare. i had grown up vacillating between thinking i was too dysfunctional to have a happy marriage or that i deserved one from my upbringing. either way, i wasn't getting it. i've shared many times that my fall back emotion is always anger. anger is safe for me. it is not vulnerable. in some ways, it is my oldest companion. the harder things got, the more i lashed out. at eli, at my family, at my kids, at anyone near enough to take it. the more angry i became, the more he withdrew into his own misery. all while we tried to "play normal" for our children and our friends and our church. i swore when i decided to marry i would never divorce. there were moments during this time when i thought "i'm going to be miserable like this forever." i'm a fighter by nature. i'm ambitious. i go for what i want and i'm tenacious until i get it. but this defeated me. i was too tired and worn down and hurt to fight. at the time when i needed that spirit the most, i was too apathetic to access it. when i reached a point where i really felt like i was having a nervous breakdown, about a year and a half ago, i went to see a counselor. i sat in his office and it all came out. all of it. more than i ever realized was in there. we talked about my husband and my dads and my childhood and my ministry and all of the things in between. i felt better leaving that day than i had in a long time, simply from letting it all out. i felt the anger go down just a notch. for the first time, i thought "maybe this can be saved.". while i wanted God to wave his wand (does he even have a wand? i don't think so!) and fix Eli, He had work to do in me. i remember one day sitting in that office spewing all of the reasons i should be angry and resentful at my husband. i lamented that i was at the end of my rope and out of options. my counselor looked at me and said "he needs you to love him unconditionally. because if you won't, he can't trust anyone else to." can i just be honest and say that is the last thing i wanted to hear? seriously. the last. but it was exactly what i needed to hear. i drove home that day and asked the Lord to help me love him. i confessed how angry i was. not only at eli, but at God for not fixing this sooner. and from that point on, he started answering that prayer. i wish i could tell you it all turned into a fairytale after that. in all honesty, it had to get a lot worse before God could redeem it. we both have visited places in our innermost selves in the last year that i don't think either of us ever want to visit again. i have felt a desperation for Jesus comparable to nothing i had ever experienced before. i have had moments where i literally felt like i was hanging off the side of the life boat clutching with my other hand our entire family. i don't say all of that to be dramatic. it's the only way i can think to describe it. i can tell you, unequivocally, without any doubt or reservation that Jesus has never forsaken me.
He has truly carried me. He has sheltered my broken heart. He has picked up the pieces of our shattered marriage and made something beautiful and new of it. He has made us love each other in a fierce and passionate way again. He has made all things new. i never thought i would be able to say that. but i am here to testify... there is nothing beyond His grasp. there is nothing so broken he cannot fix it. and i just wanted you to know that.

i get by with a little help from my friends...

2011-07-06T17:43:00.002-04:00

good friends are super hard to find, we've discussed this before... aquantances, neighbors, family members... these are a dime a dozen! but real, true friends? not an easy task! i've been reminded lately how rare they are and how blessed i am to have several. so here we go:

top ten things you can only tell a true friend!

10. the friend you can tell that you are still wearing maternity pants, six months after having a baby. on the same note, that you still wear a maternity swimsuit. and only a friend with a couple of kids under her belt will tell you she's wearing them too!

9. only another sleep deprived mom would be able to remotely understand that you would rather meet at the out of the way, ghetto playground instead of the newer, cooler one because then you won't have to put on mascara. or spanx. no chance of seeing anyone you know at that one. and that one time that some 10 year old tried to sell the kids weed was a totally a fluke, right?

8. there are parts of a marriage intended to remain private. not to be discussed among girlfriends. but you have to have at least one friend that you can admit to that you put on your ugly granny panties as a silent sign to your husband that you are off limits. if that doesn't dissuade him i don't know what will...

7. the friend who you can tell that your kids have lice. no explanation necessary.

6. the friend who won't judge you for occasionally wanting to hide in the pantry and drink. she's been there. she won't tell you to be thankful that you are blessed with children. she knows you can be thankful while still wanting to strangle the little dears.

5. the friend that will bring you dinner after you have a baby instead of a white dress that they will poop all over the first time they wear it. complete with dessert and disposable containers.

4. the friend that isn't afraid to discipline your children. in fact, she knows them so well she can even middle name them. when you have "high spirited" children, you need at least one friend strong enough to leave them with!

3. the friend who can see you cry and will know you are not crazy. you are simply a mother of young children who hasn't slept in three years.

2. the friend who doesn't lose her baby weight before she ever leaves the hospital. i have several close (really skinny) friends and i love them to death. but sometimes you just need a friend who's battling every stinkin calorie right along with you.

1. the friend who you can laugh, cry, snark, yell, cuss, smile and just simply be with. she's seen you at your worst and she still likes you. she knows you sometimes yell at your kids and she understands. she brings you chocolate when you really need it. you would do anything in the world for her and she would for you. hard to find and important to keep. she's a real friend!

2011-07-05T21:23:00.005-04:00

who says you can't entertain 8 kids with $4?

a birthday fit for a princess!

2011-07-02T18:43:00.005-04:00

guess who's 7 this weekend?

this girl!

i wanted to plan something fun for her that would be different, exciting and not too expensive :) we usually just have a cookout on her birthday and see fireworks, since her actual day is the 3rd. this year we did things a bit different. we had a scavenger hunt! all she knew ahead of time was that we were celebrating her birthday. no other details. we told her she'd just have to find out when her first clue arrived! so imagine her excitement when the doorbell rang yesterday to reveal her best friend, katelyn, holding a clue!

"the very first step in this super fun quest
is a visit to the "fake aunt" you love the best!
p.s. one dog treat will be required to get the next clue!"

so off we went to columbus, to my bff mandi's house! (who my kids like to refer to as their fake aunt!~)
upon arrival, they were presented with the second clue. (after giving her lovable chocolate lab, brodie, a few treats!)

"here's the next clue:
where does mandi love to eat?
i hope it smells yummy and not like stinky feet!"

we promptly went to red robin, of course, aunt mandi's favorite restaurant! my dad and brother were already there waiting for us! the kids had never eaten there (and quite honestly, don't get to eat in sit down restaurants often. it's pricey with so many kids!)

aliyah, katelyn & mandi's niece, iris!

they sang to her and brought a big sundae!
(and her next clue!)

"where aunt mandi works,
all day and some night.
we'll go there right now,
to see a cool sight!"

we were off to ohio state medical center! when we arrived, she was immediately given another clue...

"to the top of the building,
as high as a kite,
we'll take the elevator,
that sounds just right!"

we took the elevator to the very top floor, the roof!
only more clue to go...

"one last clue,
to unwrap a gift,
must know the answer,
not slow but swift!
think very hard,
don't strain your head
what comes in the sky?
blue, white and red?"

of course she figured out that we were there to watch the famous "red, white and boom" atop the hospital!

so while we waited for day...

to become night...

we had fun! aunt mandi, genius at entertaining children, brought fake mustaches for the kids. it was hilarious and a huge hit. (more about that later!)

she opened her gift, which was an american girl doll complete with several outfits.

it was a great (long, exhausting...) night!
the kids had a blast.
the adults had fun, too.
happy july 4th from me to you!

anniversary...

2011-06-28T14:38:00.003-04:00

our anniversary is this weekend. i know this because facebook reminded me. 11 long years.... just kidding :) i know ten years is supposed to be the big one, but if you recall, theMr was just getting out of the hospital last year and was still using a walker! needless to say, there was little celebration and more focus on him learning to walk and being able to work again! so this year, we have a fabulous date planned and we'll (hopefully) enjoy it much more than last year... with no chance of getting pregnant!!!

i wanted to write this post for him. because he gets lots of laughs on this blog but at the end of the day, he's awesome :)

dear elijah,
can you believe we've been on this ride for eleven years? not to mention the five babies... i've thought hard about what i could give you for our anniversary. while i wish i could afford to get you a new trailer or designer sunglasses or even a new truck, i can't. i can't even offer a wife who's not moody or laundry that's always caught up or my wedding day body. all i have to give you is me! stretchmarks and moods and all! when i took those vows eleven years ago, i had no idea what i was agreeing to. i understand fully now... and i commit them to you for as long as i live...

i, theMrs, take you, theMr, to continue being my husband.
to have and to hold, even when i don't feel like it.
in sickness, health, and all the kids getting the stomach flu,
when there's extra money for pizza or when we're using change for iced coffee...
through good times, bad times and all the mundane in between...

i vow to always make your favorite dinners
to iron your t-shirts even though i think it's silly
to watch superhero movies and not criticize them (too much)
to wear more jewelry since you like that
to not delete your shows from the DVR to make room for mine
and to comment on your six pack every time you take your shirt off.

i will always be the president of your fan club and your biggest cheerleader.
i will love you when you are old and saggy and will probably be both before you are.
i promise to always dream big with you and to always believe it can happen.

this is our time now.
we've hit our stride.
but you still can't get a motorcycle.

love, affection and all the banana cream pie you can eat,

your adoring wife

flashback friday!

2011-06-24T12:57:00.003-04:00

*Editor's note: I chose this repost as an encouragement to all the moms out there that i know are struggling. i wrote this a little over a year ago. there were many days i felt like i was sinking. can i tell you how relieved i am to read it now and see that my days look nothing like this now? not that i'm living the easy life now or anything, but just having kids one year older makes my life so much less intense. so this is for all my friends who are pregnant or have a new baby (& a toddler!!) i promise it gets easier :)
<3, Abby

i'm having one of those weeks no one tells you about before you have kids, especially five of them. you can read all the books and websites and magazines and no one will tell you. maybe because the future of the human race is dependant on not scaring women out of having children? i debated even blogging this because, honestly, alot of the mommy blogs i read are very hearts and rainbows. but real, day to day motherhood is not that way. there are moments of pure bliss sandwiched in between days of frustration, exhaustion and feelings of failure. we started the week with news that we have to purchase a new van (not welcome news!) followed by many, many days of a screaming baby and a terror of a toddler.
this baby, adorable as she is, is making me crazy. i don't know what's wrong with her. is it teeth? gas? schizophrenia? who can tell??? trust me, if i had any idea how to make it stop i would. add to that the fact that i spend every day from noon on alone with them and you get a very exhausted mother. then there's the little guy.

he may very well be the child who puts me over the edge for good. here's a typical scene in our house lately: i'm walking the screaming baby while three other kids are arguing/talking/singing/whining or otherwise demanding my attention. while this is happening, the little guy is getting a brand new bag of espresso out of the cupboard and pouring it in each of the burners on the stove. then he's pouring chocolate soy milk on all of that. when i tell him he's getting spanked for this? he laughs. it is a true miracle that child is still living. keep in mind that while i'm disciplining this little angel and cleaning up the mess, i'm still holding the screaming baby. in a typical evening i alone am responsible for cooking dinner, feeding five kids, cleaning up from dinner, facilitating the lunch packing, bathing five children, cutting a total of 100 nails (holy moly!), getting clothes out for morning, making sure homework and studying are done for three kids (this includes spelling words and scripture memorization for one child who is ADD) doing at least two loads of laundry a day, folding and putting away these loads, nursing a baby every three hours, and getting them all to bed by myself. notice that does not include the heavier cleaning needed or any kind of "quality time" with the kids such as reading to them or playing. people frequently ask me "how do you do it?" my reply is usually "how do you know i'm doing it well?" this is one of those weeks when i don't think i am! after a frustrating evening last night, i cried in the bathtub. and when i got out, i checked to make sure each little body was sufficiently covered up in our old, cold house. and as i kiss their little foreheads, i'm reminded that it's worth it. even on weeks like this.

motherhood is a mission field

2011-06-23T09:08:00.002-04:00

(this is amazing... i couldn't have said it any better!)

Motherhood is a Mission Field
by
Rachel Jankovic

There is a good old saying, perhaps only said by my Grandfather, that distance adds intrigue. It is certainly true — just think back to anything that has ever been distant from you that is now near. Your driver’s license. Marriage. Children. Things that used to seem so fascinating, but as they draw near become less mystical and more, well, real.

This same principle certainly applies to mission fields too. The closer you get to home, the less intriguing the work of sacrifice seems. As someone once said, “Everyone wants to save the world, but no one wants to help Mom with the dishes.” When you are a mother at home with your children, the church is not clamoring for monthly ministry updates. When you talk to other believers, there is not any kind of awe about what you are sacrificing for the gospel. People are not pressing you for needs you might have, how they can pray for you. It does not feel intriguing, or glamorous. Your work is normal, because it is as close to home as you can possibly be. You have actually gone so far as to become home.

Home: The Headwaters of Mission

If you are a Christian woman who loves the Lord, the gospel is important to you. It is easy to become discouraged, thinking that the work you are doing does not matter much. If you were really doing something for Christ you would be out there, somewhere else, doing it. Even if you have a great perspective on your role in the kingdom, it is easy to lose sight of it in the mismatched socks, in the morning sickness, in the dirty dishes. It is easy to confuse intrigue with value, and begin viewing yourself as the least valuable part of the Church.

There are a number of ways in which mothers need to study their own roles, and begin to see them, not as boring and inconsequential, but as home, the headwaters of missions.

At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice, and there is perhaps no occupation in the world so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood. Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel. Jim Elliot famously said, “He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Motherhood provides you with an opportunity to lay down the things that you cannot keep on behalf of the people that you cannot lose. They are eternal souls, they are your children, they are your mission field.

Faith Makes the Small Offering Great

If you are like me, then you may be thinking “What did I ever give up for them? A desk job? Time at the gym? Extra spending money? My twenty- year- old figure? Some sleep?” Doesn’t seem like much when you put it next to the work of some of the great missionaries, people who gave their lives for the gospel.

Think about the feeding of the five thousand when the disciples went out and rounded up the food that was available. It wasn’t much. Some loaves. Some fish. Think of some woman pulling her fish out and handing it to one of the disciples. That had to have felt like a small offering. But the important thing about those loaves and those fishes was not how big they were when they were given, it was about whose hands they were given into. In the hands of the Lord, that offering was sufficient. It was more than sufficient. There were leftovers. Given in faith, even a small offering becomes great.

Look at your children in faith, and see how many people will be ministered to by your ministering to them. How many people will your children know in their lives? How many grandchildren are represented in the faces around your table now?

Gain What You Cannot Lose in Them

So, if mothers are strategically situated to impact missions so greatly, why do we see so little coming from it? I think the answer to this is quite simple: sin. Discontent, pettiness, selfishness, resentment. Christians often feel like the right thing to do is to be ashamed about what we have. We hear that quote of Jim Elliot’s and think that we ought to sell our homes and move to some place where they need the gospel.

But I’d like to challenge you to look at it differently. Giving up what you cannot keep does not mean giving up your home, or your job so you can go serve somewhere else. It is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.

It is easy to think you have a heart for orphans on the other side of the world, but if you spend your time at home resenting the imposition your children are on you, you do not. You cannot have a heart for the gospel and a fussiness about your life at the same time. You will never make any difference there if you cannot be at peace here. You cannot have a heart for missions, but not for the people around you. A true love of the gospel overflows and overpowers. It will be in everything you do, however drab, however simple, however repetitive.

God loves the little offerings. Given in faith, that plate of PB&J’s will feed thousands. Given in faith, those presents on Christmas morning will bring delight to more children than you can count. Offered with thankfulness, your work at home is only the beginning. Your laundry pile, selflessly tackled daily, will be used in the hands of God to clothe many. Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers.

trip to the zoo

2011-06-22T09:41:00.005-04:00

we bought a zoo membership this year.

it was esme's first time. she was a big fan.

we took the orangutan boat ride. also a big hit.

the aquarium was her favorite. when she saw the fish she turned and looked at me and said "wow"

i was afraid my kids would be the first ones to jump out of the boat into the monkey area!

leave it to esme to be the only kid to now cooperate with a picture. she doesn't cooperate with anything that wasn't her idea!

it was a good day :)